6 signs you’re not truly in love with your partner (but you’re happy to settle)

My grandad used to say, “If you’ve found the one, you’ll just know.”

Sounds familiar, right? That magical feeling of being swept off your feet and knowing that you’re with the person you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with. But let’s be honest here, what if it’s not all rainbows and butterflies?

Let’s face it.

You might be in a relationship where things are going well, where you’re comfortable and happy, but there’s this nagging feeling at the back of your mind. Are you truly in love with your partner, or are you just content to settle?

If you’re nodding along, then stick around. In this article, we’re going to delve into 6 signs that might indicate you’re not head over heels in love with your partner, but instead, you’re just okay with settling down.

Keep in mind.

This isn’t about shaming anyone or making you feel bad about your choices. It’s about introspection and understanding your feelings better. So let’s get started, shall we?

1) You’re more focused on the idea than the person

Let’s start here.

Ever find yourself daydreaming about the perfect wedding, the cozy house, and the adorable kids running around more than your partner? Well, you’re not alone. Many of us often get caught up in the idea of a picture-perfect life that we forget to focus on the person we’re supposed to share it with.

Here’s the deal.

Being truly in love means being excited about your partner — their quirks, their smiles, their dreams.

If you find yourself more attracted to the idea of a relationship than to your actual partner, it might be a sign that you’re settling rather than being truly in love. It’s worth taking a moment to reassess and understand your feelings.

2) You’re indifferent to their absence

Let me share a little story.

A few years back, I was dating this wonderful person. We got along well, shared laughs, and even had a couple of common hobbies. But then they had to move away for a few months for work. You know what? I was surprised at how little it affected me.

I mean I get a bit down mood at first, but I get used to being alone and enjoy life without him pretty quick.

This is important.

If you’re truly in love, your partner’s absence will be felt deeply. You miss their laugh, their touch, their presence. If days or weeks go by without your partner and you don’t feel a void, it might be a sign that you’re settling for the relationship rather than being in love. 

3) Your future plans don’t necessarily include them

It’s Sunday afternoon.

You’re sitting at your favorite coffee shop, sipping your cappuccino, and daydreaming about your future. You see yourself succeeding in your career, traveling to exotic places, maybe even buying a house on a quiet street. But as you’re painting this picture in your mind, your partner isn’t necessarily part of it.

That’s a red flag.

When you love someone, your future plans naturally weave in the person you’re with. They’re part of your dreams, your aspirations. If you’re envisioning a future where they don’t play a significant role or none at all, it might be time to ask yourself if you’re truly in love or if you’re just settling because it’s comfortable.

This isn’t an easy question to answer, but it’s an important one to ask.

4) You often fantasize about being single

Picture this.

You’re at a party, and you see an attractive stranger. You exchange glances, share a couple of laughs, and for a moment, there’s a spark. You find yourself wondering, “What if I were single?”

This could be a significant sign.

It’s natural to find other people attractive even when you’re in a committed relationship. But fantasizing about being single or being with other people frequently might be an indication that you’re not truly in love with your current partner.

It could mean that on some level, you feel trapped or unfulfilled in your current relationship and yearn for the excitement and freedom of single life.

Let’s not ignore these feelings. They might be trying to tell you something about your relationship and your feelings towards your partner.

5) It feels more like a partnership than a romance

Couples who prioritize friendship over romantic love have more lasting and satisfying relationships. However, that’s not to say that romantic love doesn’t matter. It does.

But when the romantic spark fades, and you’re left with more of a business-like partnership, it might be worth taking a moment to reflect.

Take a closer look.

Are you sharing responsibilities and making decisions together because you love each other or merely because it’s convenient? If the romantic connection is missing and your relationship feels more like a comfortable routine than an intimate bond, it could be a sign that you’re settling rather than being truly in love.

It’s worth exploring these feelings to understand where you stand in your relationship.

6) You’re not excited about their successes

This is it.

When you’re truly in love, your partner’s victories feel like your own. You’re thrilled when they achieve something, be it as small as a compliment at work or as big as a promotion. Their happiness makes you happy.


If you find yourself indifferent or even resentful of their successes, it’s a sign that you’re not truly in love. This isn’t just about being a cheerleader for them; it’s about sharing in their joy and wanting the best for them.

That’s the crux of it all. If you can’t find happiness in their happiness, maybe you’re settling for less than love.

The takeaway

Look, it’s okay to recognize these signs in your relationship. It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, or that you’ve done something wrong. It simply means you’re human, and sometimes we humans settle for less than our hearts truly desire.

But here’s the silver lining – recognizing these signs is the first step towards change.

It all starts with self-awareness. If any of the signs resonated with you, spend some time reflecting on your relationship. Ask yourself tough questions – do you see a future with your partner? Do you feel a deep connection? Are you happy or just comfortable?

And remember, it’s okay to want more.

Love isn’t about settling for less than what makes your heart sing. It’s about finding someone who complements you, who makes life richer and worth living.

This journey of introspection won’t be easy, but it’s worth it. Because at the end of the day, you deserve love, not just companionship. You deserve joy, not just comfort.

So be kind to yourself as you navigate this path. And always remember – it’s never too late to seek the love that you truly deserve.

Picture of Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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