Whoever said marriage was easy was lying.
Don’t get me wrong, a happy marriage is a wonderful thing but it takes a lot of work.
Without putting in the effort, with time, people seem to drift away from each other and towards other things like the kids, work, friends, hobbies etc.
Here are 19 obvious signs you’re not a priority in your wife’s life.
Let’s jump right in:
1) You feel alone
Having time for yourself and feeling lonely are two very different things.
If you’re in a relationship with someone and you feel isolated, lonely, and maybe even unloved, it’s a red flag that your wife is not giving you the attention that you need.
Sometimes it may feel like you’re just roommates at college, each doing their own thing.
2) She often makes plans without you
There’s nothing wrong with going out with the girls every now and then or spending her free time pursuing her hobbies.
But when’s the last time she made plans to do something with you? When’s the last time you did something fun together on the weekend?
You’re both busy with work during the week and barely see each other in the evenings, you can hardly wait for the weekend to hang out.
But the weekend comes and she’s got plans, and they don’t involve you. It’s like you’re single again.
If this happens on a regular basis, it’s an obvious sign that you’re not a priority in your wife’s life.
3) She puts everyone else first (even the cats)
Have you noticed that your wife puts everyone else first? The kids, her friends, her family, even the cats?
You’ll try and talk to her about something important to you and she’ll leave mid-conversation to feed the cats.
It’s like she has time to dedicate to everyone but you. She doesn’t prioritize you or your needs.
Occasionally she’ll remember to do something nice for you, but it’s always when she has the time.
4) She’s always busy
Whether it’s work, the kids, yoga, or helping out a friend in crisis, your wife always has her hands full. She doesn’t ever seem to stop.
Everyone gets busy. Women have to work twice as hard as men to make a mark at work.
And it’s nice that she’s there for her friends.
… And of course, she needs to put the kids first …
But where does that leave you?
The truth is she’s too preoccupied with other things to recognize your needs.
It’s like you’ve become an afterthought in your wife’s life.
5) She makes decisions without you
Your wife is constantly making decisions without you, and I’m not talking about things that affect only her.
She’s making decisions about the kids’ schools. Your mortgage. Where you’ll go on your next family vacation.
She’s managing the family budget. She’s the one who decides what you have money for and what you can’t waste money on.
Were you thinking of buying a new car? Forget it.
She decides what to eat for dinner and when you’ll have sex (if you’re lucky). She’s the CEO of your family.
You don’t really get a say in any of it.
6) She never asks you how you’re doing
Does she even care?
It’s only natural to take an interest in the lives of the people that you care about – to see how they’re doing.
I mean, you even ask the mailman and the butcher how they are.
So why isn’t your wife taking an interest in how you – her husband – are doing?
7) She’s more interested in the kids than she is in you
It’s no secret that kids can be a handful.
No one ever said parenting would be easy, but it’s one of the most rewarding things you’ll ever do in your life.
Now, as a parent, you sacrifice a lot for your kids – time with your spouse, meals out and nights out with friends, and yes, even sex.
But that doesn’t mean she should put you last on her list of priorities.
8) You don’t even fight anymore
No marriage is perfect, and as I said before, you have to put in the work.
You’re human so it’s normal that both you and your wife will make mistakes.
You are bound to disagree on a number of issues, misunderstand each other and forget things.
When that happens, a fight is sometimes the healthy response as it serves to get things off your chest and helps to resolve the problem and move on.
But if you don’t even bother to fight about anything anymore, it’s a sign that your marriage is on the rocks.
The bottom line is that your wife would rather bottle up her feelings than get in a fight with you.
9) Your relationship is in a rut
Let me tell you: you are not alone.
I’ve been there, and I know how it feels.
When I was at the worst point in my relationship I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.
I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.
But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific, and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years.
Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me and helped me understand why my wife didn’t have time for me anymore.
Relationship Hero is an industry leader in relationship advice for a reason.
They provide solutions, not just talk.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
10) She doesn’t try to meet your needs
Sometimes you feel neglected. You feel like your wife doesn’t care about what you want or need.
But here’s the thing:
She’s probably not doing it on purpose.
She may not even be aware of what you need, so it never occurs to her that you’d like for her to contribute more time or effort to your relationship.
This is why communication is key.
You need to tell her how you feel. Tell her what you need from her and give her a chance to deliver. She may surprise you.
Maybe she has other priorities but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about you.
11) She forgets special occasions
Does this sound familiar: She’s half an hour late when you have a dinner reservation, she forgets your birthday and even your anniversary?
She doesn’t remember that you’ve got that important meeting at work that could change your life.
She forgets to come to hear your band play.
No matter how hard you try, she never seems to remember the things that are important to you.
In short: You’re just not a priority.
12) She cancels plans with you
You haven’t been out in months and you finally manage to convince her to go to dinner and a movie with you, only to have her cancel on you.
When you ask her to reschedule, she says “Yeah sure, we’ll do this another time.” But when you bring it up again, she will always have an excuse.
Now, she may have a good excuse like she’s stuck in a meeting, but she may also just say that she’s too tired and wants to stay at home.
If she can’t make an effort once in a while to spend some quality time with you and she’d rather stay home and watch NETFLIX, then it’s obvious that you are not a priority in her life.
13) She doesn’t mind disappointing you
As the example above shows, she obviously doesn’t seem to feel too bad when she disappoints you.
Let’s face it – when you’ve got kids it’s hard to get out of the house and do the things that you used to do when it was just you and her.
But whether it’s canceling your plans or refusing to go on a trip with you, she’s very unfazed about how you feel.
She doesn’t think it’s that big a deal.
The fact that she doesn’t even try to make it up to you is a sign that you’re not that important to her.
14) She hardly ever wants to have sex
She’s tired. She has a headache. She’s not in the mood. She just ate…
These are some of the possible excuses she may give you for avoiding sex.
The truth is, she’s probably lost interest in sleeping with you.
And what’s more, she doesn’t care that you may have urges that you need to fulfill. She doesn’t even worry that you’ll find someone else.
15) Her mind is elsewhere when talking to you
She doesn’t really listen when you talk. She’s always thinking about something else and it often feels like she has “checked out”.
It’s like every time you open your mouth, she’s trying to remember what her next appointment is, she’s yelling at the kids to behave or she’s checking her phone.
You feel like you’re not important to her at all and that everything else in the world is more interesting than you are.
But here’s the thing: Maybe she just can’t focus because she’s got a million things to do and doesn’t have time to pay attention to you. She’s so preoccupied with her own life that her thoughts are elsewhere, even in the middle of conversations.
My advice is to tell her that you need some one-on-one time with her (no phones). Even if it’s half an hour in the evening when the kids go to bed. Make sure she understands that this is important to you.
16) You hardly ever communicate with each other
When was the last time you sat down and had a real and meaningful conversation with your wife?
You see each other every day. You sleep in the same bed. You eat together, watch TV together… But you hardly ever talk to each other.
I mean, sure, you make small talk. You discuss who is taking the kids to school and who is picking up the dry cleaning, but you don’t talk about anything real. You don’t talk about world events or your plans or even just goof around and talk about celebrities.
You shy away from this because it seems that your wife is not interested in what you have to say.
But communication is important for a successful marriage. So don’t give up on talking to her, make her listen to what you have to say.
17) You’re always the one to initiate vacation plans
You’re the one that always calls the hotels, gets the plane tickets, and plans the whole vacation.
She doesn’t get excited, no matter where you plan to go. From Disneyland to Cairo, it’s all the same to her. It’s like she doesn’t care whether you go somewhere or stay at home.
The last time she picked a place to visit was when you went on that camping trip with your friends in college.
Maybe a vacation with you is not a priority in her life. Maybe she’d rather do something else.
But perhaps she just doesn’t feel like going on vacation right now – it may be too stressful for her and she’d rather relax at home with you than travel.
Here’s the thing:
A vacation does not just happen. Someone has to plan it and if your wife doesn’t want that task, you need to take it into your own hands and make it happen.
It’s up to you to organize things and get everybody excited about the trip, even your wife.
She’ll come along if you make her feel like it’s an adventure she doesn’t want to miss out on.
18) She’s never jealous of your female acquaintances
Now, nobody likes a jealous and possessive partner. But a little jealousy from time to time can make you feel desired by your significant other…
When your wife talks about her “work husband” – a male coworker that she is close to, or you see her in the company of her male friends, you can’t resist feeling a little jealous. But not her.
You could be surrounded by models all day long and she wouldn’t feel even a little jealous.
She used to get jealous, back in the day, but now, she doesn’t seem to care.
This is another obvious sign that you’re not a priority in her life.
19) She takes you for granted
She doesn’t realize how lucky she is to have you.
She takes you for granted because she thinks it’s a given that you’re always going to be there.
She thinks that she can ignore your feelings and your needs and you’ll just take it.
She doesn’t realize that you choose to stay married to her and that you can one day decide that you’ve had enough and leave her.
The bottom line is that you’re not a priority for her and she just takes it as a given that you’ll always be there.