You’re cuddling on the couch, watching a great movie, and everything feels right. Then the intrusive thoughts pop up:
“Does he really love me?”
“Does he even want to be with me?”
I know the feeling. After many failed relationships, it’s normal to wonder when your current partner is going to let you down.
But now that I’m married to a fantastic person, I know there are some undeniable signs that your partner will never let you down. It all comes down to what they do and how you feel about them.
Here are seven signs you’ve got a good one…
1) Your partner listens to your needs
If your partner respects your perspective, they’ll consider you when making decisions.
Communication and understanding play a huge role in relationships. It’s important to have a partner who doesn’t judge or dismiss your feelings and needs.
It’s not about always agreeing and never having arguments. That’s unrealistic. But your partner should listen to your needs and find ways to meet them. They should be committed to your mutual growth and refrain from doing things that would let you down.
A partner who actually listens will know exactly what you need from them. Which also means…
2) Your partner shows up for the small and big things
You know that feeling when you’re excited about something, whether it’s a big deal or something silly? Well, having a partner who celebrates with you and shares your excitement really makes a difference!
- When your partner shows up consistently, they lay the bricks of something solid and lasting.
- By being there for things that matter, your partner says, “I’m here for you through thick and thin.”
I once dated a guy who couldn’t care for showing up. Even when I reminded him. I should have seen this as a red flag, but I didn’t. He eventually let me down badly, aka cheated. I couldn’t trust him to be there for the things I thought were important.
In fact, if…
3) Your partner shows you can trust them
…you have something good going. Trust is a biggie! It’s like the glue that holds a relationship together.
Does your partner do what they say they’ll do? Are they honest when you ask them questions? Or do you constantly doubt them and find their words or actions suspicious?
Can you imagine being with someone who throws a fit because you remind them of something they forgot to do for you? Or get mad when you ask them to elaborate on something you heard or saw?
If you never have to:
- Go through your partner’s phone
- Activate tracking software
- Constantly question what they’re saying
…you have a keeper. That said, a trustworthy partner would be okay with you doing these things, too.
4) Your partner is an open book
This means they’ll probably never let you down. Having access to my partner’s phone is the best thing we can do for our relationship.
Ok, I know what you’re thinking:
We all need our privacy!
But if you’ve got nothing to hide, why would you mind if your partner uses your phone for a quick call, to Google something, or to play a game they refuse to download on theirs?
I came into this relationship with a ton of trust issues. Having a partner who’s open to the occasional check-up makes me feel more secure. He gets access to my phone too.
And we have rules: no snooping around while the other is sleeping. If you want to borrow a phone, do it while they can see.
Tracking software also helps us. His job has many safety concerns.
You don’t have to do this in your relationship. But if your partner is willing to share his phone password with you for emergencies, it’s a good sign.
But it doesn’t stop there.
5) Your partner works towards your future together
Your partner should also be open about the future.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who avoided talking about it? I bet you’re not together anymore. And if this happens in your current relationship, how does it make you feel? Uncertain? Disconnected?
Being with a partner who avoids actively engaging in discussions about your future together, and taking action to reach goals, will hinder your growth.
Think about it.
If they’re not planning their future with you, it’s probably ’cause you’re not in it.
Reliable partners are open and honest about their goals, dreams, and plans. They’ll also consider yours and want to figure out how you can work towards a future together. Having a partner who tries to align their vision with yours is everything.
A study on future thinking and unethical behavior found that people who think about their future and who they’ll be in it are more likely to behave responsibly.
So, what does this mean for you?
Well, a partner who doesn’t consider a future with you doesn’t care about the consequences of their present actions. The study predicts that these types of people often lie, make false promises, and – yep, you guessed it – cheat.
While we’re on the topic of ethical behavior, it’s also a good sign when…
6) Your partner doesn’t blame others for their problems
Constantly blaming others is toxic. It creates no room for growth. And also shifts the focus away from finding solutions.
I dated a guy who would never own up to the shitty work environment he created. He always blamed his boss for causing division between employees while he was gossiping back and forth.
I’m not saying his boss didn’t contribute, but he definitely played a part too.
No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. But we should recognize and take responsibility for our actions. This shows maturity, accountability, and a willingness to better yourself.
If your partner can do this, you’ll always find a way to work through challenges together.
Because, in the end, you’re a team. So, when…
7) Your partner doesn’t view you as their competition
…you can rely on them to celebrate your successes. And motivate you to be even better than you already are!
A little competition can be good. You can take on fitness challenges or hold a book-reading marathon to push each other forward. But your partner is still supposed to be your cheerleader.
Do you know why most relationships turn toxic? Power dynamics.
When your partner is jealous or insecure, they’ll view you as their competition. They’ll make you feel guilty about your achievements and try to demotivate you. Their goal would be to have more power than you.
Has your partner ever picked a fight with you the night before a career-changing meeting? Or be dismissive when you tell them about something you’ve achieved – big or small?
That’s toxic. And shows you can’t rely on your partner to help you grow.
Your partner shouldn’t try to outdo you or prove they’re better. They should understand that your accomplishments don’t diminish their own. And allow you to sparkle.
If your partner isn’t really into you, they’ll be flaky and inconsistent.
Someone who wants to build a future together will show that you can rely on them. While every person and every relationship is different, you should feel secure in yours and not constantly doubt its longevity.