To be loved unconditionally is a dream for many.
It is what makes us feel like we are more than who we already are, without making us feel like less.
And luckily, it can happen more than once in a lifetime.
Just as it sounds like a fairytale, it can also be characterized in a list:
Here are 6 signs that you are in a relationship built on unconditional love.
1) Compatibility was a huge factor when you got together.
This might be a hot take because unconditional love suggests that it prevails despite everything. Or that there are no strings attached.
But I believe compatibility is a necessary factor in unconditional love because it grounds the attraction in reality. It’s what adds durability to your relationship.
And being compatible with someone doesn’t mean you guys are carbon copies of one another.
Then what does it mean?
It means you:
- Share the same philosophies and outlooks on life
- Have similar goals regarding personal development
- Don’t harbor feelings of wanting to change the other person
That last one is a big one. If you are compatible with someone, there is an underlying respect that is given freely and often without thinking twice.
And if you aren’t able to do so, it’s in the best interest of everyone to just let them go.
Accepting people as they are is a part of unconditional love. But, it shouldn’t be at the cost of your own identity or well-being.
So when you are compatible, not only do you guys get along naturally, but you are also able to overcome challenges and be supportive of one another consistently. In a way that the other understands.
You may not even have been fully aware that you took compatibility into consideration. Sometimes it’s being able to remind each other of what really matters in life.
2) Your independence makes more room for interdependence.
Bouncing off of why compatibility is so important, unconditional love for another is a reflection of your unconditional love for yourself.
And that means being committed to your personal growth so that you can show up for each other, again, consistently. This mutual awareness is enough to make a huge difference in the way you connect.
Of course, you should do it for yourself. But you should also do it because you believe the other person deserves it. It’s selflessly selfish.
By having all parties be committed to themselves, you lessen the risk of the relationship becoming lopsided.
Sure, life happens and there will be times when one person relies on another more. But the point is that everyone feels comfortable being vulnerable.
3) Where you disagree, you make up for it in respect.
If compatibility adds durability, respect adds depth to relationships. Because it can help disagreements become opportunities to learn about the other person.
Some ways you can shown respect is by:
- Valuing their time and energy
- Encouraging their own unique perspective
- Having good intentions behind telling the truth
- Prioritizing their wellbeing
- Understanding that no one is perfect
During disagreements, these can show up in the form of not viewing the conflict as You vs. Them. But rather reframing it as Us vs. The Problem.
Or by not making assumptions about the other and leading with curiosity.
Of course, arguments aren’t always logical and can be fuelled by emotions. It’s human. And sometimes, we have to keep the people we love accountable and that can be uncomfortable.
But when someone loves you unconditionally and it’s mutual, the goal isn’t to control. It’s about finding a common ground so neither are compromising what’s most important to them.
It’s taking the time to get to know each other’s emotions and prioritizing mutual understanding over a victory of some kind.
Compromising without compromising, if you will.
4) The relationship is abundant in forgiveness as well as accountability.
Compromise should be made up of both forgiveness and accountability. Neither should be given without the other being received.
They both go back to why compatibility is so important. Because those shared values can create a strong foundation for growth and serve as a beacon for what matters the most.
So that when you make amends, you are able to move forward to somewhere tangible. This fosters a safe space where compassion and integrity can thrive.
By consistently outgrowing patterns that are harmful to the relationship together, you also are able to grow a sense of trust. Trust that feels real as it feels unreal.
Which only makes intimacy and vulnerability flow that much better.
And if these 4 points make up the mechanics of a clock, that fairytale feeling of unconditional love is everything intangible yet valuable as time itself.
5) You’re able to be yourself around them.
And it’s not something you need to think twice or hard about.
When you’re around someone that loves you unconditionally, it feels like they can appreciate you just for breathing.
Where someone else might say you’re annoying, they find it charming!
Or you never feel like you have to do something you don’t want to do. There’s no risk involved in saying no or needing space.
It goes beyond being able to show your worst or best traits without being judged. Being able to be your true self also means that they bring out a natural sense of balance within you.
Being so comfortable that you neither feel the need to be hyper-aware of yourself or performative. You might discover parts of yourself that you love that you didn’t even know existed!
I also believe a huge part of this is being open to change. Knowing that the person you met won’t be the same forever. And also knowing that you won’t stay the same either.
Because even if change is scary, unconditional love makes you value someone beyond their role in your life. It gently but definitely forces you to go beyond your own limits.
It makes you confront the unknown and all the things that make us want to run and hide. But somehow…
6) The relationship makes everyone involved braver.
You can’t talk about change without talking about fear.
I find that unconditional love makes the presence of fear feel less daunting. Or maybe just worth the hassle.
Whether it’s logical or not, facing change with and for someone you love feels a lot better than facing it alone.
It’s when faith takes over and you are able to feel a sense of pride. A pride that is healthy because it makes you enjoy life on a brand new scale.
Of course, it can be scary because you have more to lose. But I think many people in love would agree, it is worth the risk.
Even more so because we live in a world that capitalizes off of our insecurities, or straight up just feeds us fear through the media.
To be loved unconditionally feels like you are being reprogrammed for another chance at life. It makes you love yourself more.
A relationship built on unconditional love turns you upside down without turning you inside out. It exists in many different forms, and isn’t limited to romantic love.
Neither is it guaranteed to last forever.
So naturally, it is a worthy challenger to any of our human desires and expectations.
And because it is what it is and does what it does, it is rarely a challenge that leaves us the same. Nor can it be ignored.
In fact, it leaves us whole.