8 signs you’re good friends with your partner (but you’re not in love anymore)

When your partner laughs at your jokes, you know they find you funny. When they comfort you, you know they care.

That’s the foundation of a good romantic relationship, right?

Not always. The heart is a tricky thing, and deciphering its inner workings can be a challenge.

Sometimes we mistake deep friendship for romantic love, and that’s okay. But how do you distinguish between the two? 

Well, I’ve identified some key signs that you might be good friends with your partner but not in love anymore. Let’s dive in.

1) Comfort outweighs passion

There’s a certain comfort in routines, right?

The familiar cup of coffee handed to you in the morning, the shared laughter over an inside joke, the mutual understanding of each other’s likes and dislikes.

That’s what friendship is all about. But when passion starts to fizzle out, and comfort takes its place, it might be a sign that you’re in deep companionship territory rather than romantic love.

This shift is subtle, almost unnoticeable at times. It’s when you start to enjoy their company more for the comfort it brings rather than the butterflies in your stomach.

When the kiss goodnight becomes a routine instead of a longing cuddling on the couch feels more platonic than intimate.

It doesn’t mean you don’t care about them anymore, far from it. It’s just that your relationship might have evolved into something different – something more akin to friendship.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it’s worth acknowledging and understanding.

2) You’re more excited about time apart

Remember how it used to be? When a day without them felt like an eternity and the anticipation of seeing them again was all-consuming.

But lately, I’ve noticed a change in my own relationship. I eagerly look forward to my ‘me’ time. Whether it’s a solo trip to the grocery store or an evening alone with my favorite book, I find myself cherishing these moments more than I used to.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy their company. It’s just that, the excitement of reuniting after time apart isn’t as thrilling as it once was.

Don’t get me wrong, everyone needs a bit of space in a relationship. But when that space becomes the highlight of your day, more than your partner’s company, it might be a sign that your relationship dynamics have changed.

3) Your future plans don’t revolve around them

In the early stages of love, it’s common to envision a future with your partner. From buying a house together to planning vacations or even fantasizing about growing old together, they’re at the center of your dreams.

However, when love starts to fade into friendship, these plans often shift. You might start thinking more about personal goals that aren’t necessarily linked with them.

For instance, individuals who are in love tend to use more plural pronouns like “we” and “us”, reflecting their shared identity.

But as the romantic feelings wane, this pattern may change to more singular pronouns like “I” and “me”, indicating a shift in focus towards individual goals and aspirations.

4) Romantic gestures don’t excite you as much

Remember the thrill when they surprised you with roses or planned a spontaneous date night? Those moments of surprise and delight often define the romantic aspect of a relationship.

But if these gestures no longer give you the same fluttering feeling, it could be a sign that the romantic love is fading.

It’s like when they surprise you with your favorite dessert now, it feels more like a kind gesture from a friend than a romantic move. You appreciate it, of course, but that excitement, that spark, isn’t quite there anymore.

This doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is in trouble. It could just be evolving into a different kind of love, one that’s less about passion and more about companionship and friendship. But it’s still something worth noticing and understanding.

5) You share everything… except your feelings

attract an intellectual woman 8 signs you're good friends with your partner (but you're not in love anymore)

Communication is key in any relationship, right? I mean, that’s Relationship 101. You talk about your day, your plans, your dreams. But when was the last time you talked about your feelings?

I noticed in my own relationship that we had lots of conversations, but emotional sharing had taken a backseat. We’d chat about work, friends, movies, but deep emotional conversations? Not so much.

It’s easy to discuss practical matters or share funny anecdotes. But when it comes to revealing your innermost feelings and vulnerabilities, if you’re more likely to turn to a close friend than your partner, it might be a sign that your relationship has shifted from romantic love to friendship.

It’s not that you don’t trust them, or they aren’t supportive. It’s just that the emotional intimacy that comes with being in love isn’t as strong anymore. 

Instead, you’re in a comfortable zone of friendship where deep emotional sharing isn’t as necessary.

6) You don’t argue as much

Arguing in a relationship isn’t always a bad sign. In fact, it often means you’re passionate about each other and about the relationship. You care enough to argue, to fight for things to be better.

But what if those arguments start to diminish? What if you find yourself shrugging off things that used to ignite heated discussions?

It’s not that you’ve become more tolerant or that your partner has suddenly become flawless. Instead, it might be a sign that the passion that fueled those arguments is fading.

You’re in a comfortable zone now where disagreements don’t bother you as much because your emotional investment in the relationship isn’t as intense as it once was. 

You’re more like roommates or friends who are generally okay with each other’s quirks and less like passionate lovers trying to navigate through their differences.

7) You’re not jealous anymore

Jealousy, in moderation, can be a healthy sign in a relationship. It shows that you value your partner and fear losing them.

But when you find your partner talking to an attractive person at a party and you feel more relieved than jealous, that could be a sign that romantic feelings are waning.

Instead of feeling threatened, you might even feel a sense of freedom, an inexplicable lightness, indicating that perhaps, you’re not as emotionally tied to them as you once were.

It’s not about trust or security. It’s about the emotional response that’s expected in a romantic relationship but seems to be missing, suggesting that maybe, just maybe, you’re good friends with your partner but not in love anymore.

8) You see them as they are, not as you want them to be

When we’re in love, we often see our partners through rose-tinted glasses. Their flaws seem endearing, their quirks charming.

But when you start seeing your partner for who they truly are, without the idealistic lens of love, it could indicate a shift from romantic love to friendship.

You accept them, warts and all, not because you’re blindly in love, but because you genuinely like them as a person. There’s no longing for change or improvement.

It’s pure acceptance, much like how we accept our friends. And that could be the most telling sign that you’re good friends with your partner but not in love anymore.

Embracing the transformation

Recognizing that your romantic relationship has morphed into a deep friendship may stir a whirlwind of emotions. But remember that love, in its many forms, is still love.

Being good friends with your partner, even if you’re not in love anymore, isn’t a failure or a loss. Rather, it’s a testament to the bond you’ve built, strong enough to weather the storm of fading romantic feelings.

Perhaps it’s time to ponder if love could equally be about two souls sharing a journey, bound by friendship more than romance.

So take this moment of reflection as an opportunity, not an end. An opportunity to understand your feelings and navigate your relationship’s future course with honesty, respect, and care. After all, isn’t that what great friendships are all about?

Picture of Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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