I thought about my relationship last year while I was baking some Christmas cookies.
We’ve been together for years, and quite happy besides. So marriage should have been just around the corner, right?
I asked myself “why hasn’t my partner proposed yet?” at first.
But then I gave it more thought and asked myself—wait, am I actually ready to get married?!
We’re soulmates. But marriage is more than just being soulmates.
So I turned to psychology to answer the question.
Here are 10 signs you’re finally ready to get married, according to psychology.
1) You know how to deal with boredom
Have you heard of the term “intimacy paradox”?
It’s when intimacy ironically starts to diminish as couples get closer.
It’s when life has fallen into routine, sex has become a mundane affair and you’ve stopped going out on dates.
As alarming as this might sound, it’s actually quite normal.
Don’t be afraid. In fact, research has shown that boredom can actually be a good thing in a relationship. It simply serves as a signal to try new things again.
So how do you handle things when boredom sets in?
Do you accept it as just part of any relationship and not a sign of something fundamentally wrong?
Do you actually do things to spice up your relationship?
If so, you’re probably ready to get married.
But if you struggle and can’t help but chase after excitement and intimacy still, then you might have some things to work out.
2) You make each other feel seen and heard
According to Gottman Institute, the biggest predictor that a relationship will last is when you respond to each other’s “bids for connection.”
Let’s say that you overhear your partner gushing over a cat. Do you keep on scrolling, or do you stop and look at the cat?
Or perhaps let’s say that your partner tells you that they just watched an interesting film. Do you nod and move on, or do you ask them more about that film?
If you make the choice to look at the cat or to ask them about the film they’re watching, then you likely know how important it is to make your partner feel seen and heard.
You giving them attention even if you’re not actually crazy about the things they talk about is a big act of love.
And this means you’re probably ready for marriage.
3) You’ve accepted each other’s flaws
When asked about how you can tell that you’re ready to marry your partner, Relationship Counsellor Ammanda Major said:
“It’s when you feel comfortable and can both be vulnerable with each other, and don’t take advantage of each other’s vulnerability.
So…have you accepted most of your partner’s flaws (and even find some of them endearing)?
Do you consider them as just part of the package?
Will you NOT regret marrying them if they don’t change their ways?
Well, if your answer is “yes” to all of the above, then the two of you are probably more ready to tie the knot than you think.
4) You’re both awesome housemates
You might think it’s unromantic to think of you as “just being roommates”, but while love consists of 5 o-clock kisses, let’s face it—relationships are all about day-to-day togetherness.
Hugs and kisses are nice, but sooner or later you’ll have to worry about things like cooking food, washing clothes, and going to work.
You’d be surprised to know that according to a study on marital success, 62% actually believe that sharing household chores is one of the most important indicators of marital success.
It ranks third overall—higher than shared interests or an adequate income!
Do you feel like you’re equals when it comes to managing chores?
Do you share your housework with one another without any resentment or guilt?
You’re probably ready to get married.
The passion of young love will eventually fade, but the enduring love of mutual service will stay.
5) You know how to handle your arguments
No relationship is ever free from conflict, big and small.
We’re all different, after all. And even if you’ve been with your partner for 10 years now, you’re still bound to have misunderstandings and conflicts.
What matters is that when you start grinding each other’s gears, you know how to take a step back and resolve your conflicts maturely.
Do you acknowledge your mistakes?
Can you hold yourself back from taking cheap shots to hurt them?
Do you constantly try to understand their side?
Do you make it a goal to make up afterwards?
According to Gottman Institute, the ability to mend rifts and bond after an argument or a fight is one of the reasons some couples have such healthy married lives.
So if you can handle your arguments with grace, count yourself blessed.
6) You don’t have FOMO
You used to be always afraid of missing out, back in the day.
You would sometimes look at your partner and wonder “Hmmm, are they truly the right person for me, or is my soulmate out there?”
Or you might look at other couples and have a relationship envy. You might think “Wow, she’s treated like a queen. Why can’t my boyfriend do the same?” or “Wow, they’re a power couple. Why can’t we be more like them?”
But now you’re at peace.
You don’t really care anymore if the person with you is your soulmate—what matters is that you love each other and you get along well.
You no longer care about other people’s relationships because they’re not yours!
And that’s because you’re content with what you have.
Which means…you’re probably ready to get married.
7) You’ve actually become a better person
Love is patient, love is kind.
We hear this saying being said over and over again, yet very few people actually put the effort into becoming better people for their partners.
You, on the other hand, have worked on yourself.
You’ve developed qualities that can make you a more supportive and loving partner.
You’ve learned to become more self-aware.
If you used to be impatient and b*tchy, you’ve developed traits that helped you stay calm and patient.
A healthy relationship is made of two healthy people who are mature enough to deal with life…and you’re already that.
8) You have good leadership skills
While partnership is all about love, let’s face it—you gotta manage a lot of stuff from bills to chores to kids to holidays.
In other words, you both need to work on it as a team for it to function.
Do you know when to take charge and when to delegate?
Do you put in the work needed for your relationship to grow?
Do you know how to communicate well?
Are you good with finances, home management, conflict management, and 100 others skills that could make you a really good partner to live with?
Most of all—do you do all of these without being bossy or condescending?
Then you’re definitely ready to get married!
9) You just know it
“When you know, you know.”
This is the phrase often uttered by romantics who are ready to walk down the aisle when asked “How do you know if they’re the one?”
Is there some truth to this?
A research led by James McNulty, a Florida State University psychologist, tries to examine how gut feelings play a role in relationship success.
The study basically says that if you have a “bad feeling” in your gut about marrying someone even if you can’t point out exactly why, then you should acknowledge and address it.
And if you don’t have this bad feeling at all—chances are that, yes, you’re actually ready to get married to your special person.
So…do you think they’re the one? Do you have a strong feeling you’ll be happy with them even if they start to get annoying?
Most important—are you both mature enough for marriage?
Did you answer “yes” without any hesitation?
Then yes, you’re definitely ready to tie the knot!
But if this article makes you realize you’re not meant to get married, that’s fine, too.
Maybe you’ll be ready in a year or two once you’ve dealt with the things that make you feel unprepared.
What’s important is that you’re on the same page with your partner.
If you genuinely feel like you’re not ready, be honest. And if you really want to get married, it’s probably time to start talking about it.