Tina Fey
You’ve been together with your partner for quite a while now, and you’re now wondering if they’re truly “the one” for you.
One way to know is by gauging your level of comfort with each other.
To help you along, in this article, I will give you 16 signs that you’re comfortable in your relationship.
1) There’s no need to talk all the time
It’s normal to crave constant interaction— to have endless banter and chatter with your beloved at the beginning of a relationship.
But you can’t keep this energy going all the time, and eventually that passion you have at the start will begin to mellow.
It’s here that you can judge if the two of you are meant for each other, and it all goes down to how comfortable you are with silence between you.
You can tell that things are going well if you don’t feel any pressure to fill up that empty space. You can stay quiet all day without feeling that there’s something “off”.
2) There’s no need to always put your best foot forward
So for most relationships out there, the first few months of a relationship is all about impressing your partner. You want them to feel like you’re worth a million bucks.
But as your relationship deepens, the need to impress your partner at every turn slowly dies down.
There’s no need to always dress in your finest clothes or to always be witty and interesting anymore—you’re fine being your genuine imperfect selves with each other.
You don’t feel an urge to fix your clothes or straighten your posture when your partner walks into the room, and you won’t care if they just talk about the same stuff.
You find the “boring” versions of each other comforting and cute— not annoying.
3) You have the time and space to focus on yourself
You see those people who flourish when they’re in a healthy, stable relationship? Well that’s because being in a good relationship can make you want to work on yourself.
A lot of people think that a good relationship is one that takes your every waking moment… and one has to admit, there’s a certain romantic charm to that idea.
But a relationship that’s actually good and healthy is one where you and your partner also have time for yourselves—time where you can introspect and work on your interests without the other poking their fingers in.
The good thing about this is that not only does it make you feel fulfilled as an individual, it makes you both feel like you have a lot more to offer in your relationship.
4) You’ve become a team
The two of you have reached the point where neither of you can function like a single unit when you’re together.
You don’t feel awkward sharing your troubles, plans, and even your belongings with one another.
Did their car just get totaled? No problem—you’ll just lend them yours until their car is working again.
And even though you’re well aware that codependency is a bad idea, you’re alright sharing your finances to an extent as well!
Between the two of you, there’s simply less and less “yours” and “mine”, and more of “ours”.
5) Jealousy takes a back seat
You might have wondered if you’re crazy or pathetic because you felt jealous here and there. But the thing is that it’s totally fine to feel a little jealous, especially early into your relationship.
Jealousy is completely normal. It’s a feeling that’s driven by insecurity and fear… which is why jealousy is a good way to tell what kind of relationship you have.
A bad relationship leaves you second-guessing and feeling like you can get the rug pulled out under your feet at any time. You don’t feel secure, so you can’t help but be jealous.
A good relationship, on the other hand, is one where you and your partner feel so secure in one another that you just stop being jealous all the time. I’ve had both relationships, and I can vouch that it’s the person, and not because I have a “jealous” trait.
6) You have no issues just farting around
Yes, I literally mean fart. A good way to know that you’re in that stage of your relationship is when you can loudly fart in front of them and just laugh it off.
But I also do mean the more figurative take on the phrase—which is doing completely nothing.
You don’t feel a need to always do something interesting together, be it watching a movie, going out skiing, or eating at fancy restaurants.
Now you’re alright just sitting at the couch together with some snacks, chilling over some Netflix and… yes, farting every now and then. And that’s because anything—absolutely ANYTHING—you do with them is interesting and fun.
7) They feel like a best friend
In fact, you are perfectly comfortable saying that they ARE your best friend. You just happen to kiss and have sex every now and then.
You’re still passionate for each other, of course. No doubt about that—your romance is still perfectly alive.
But you also care for each other on a deep level that goes beyond simply “romantic”.
They’re so important to you that even if you broke up right this instant you’ll stay with each other and continue to be great friends.
If you can say this about your partner, then you’re surely meant to have each other in your lives.
8) You’re not scared to reveal your deepest secrets
We all have our dark secrets—things that we’re afraid to tell anyone because they’re too embarrassing, triggering, or can even get you shamed and brigaded if people ever found out.
Perhaps you were a bully in high school, or perhaps you cheated on your ex.
You know that you’re comfortable with someone when you’re willing to share secrets that you hold close to your chest.
You trust them enough not to judge you, or to betray your trust and make them public knowledge. Most of all, you trust that they won’t change how they see you after they found out bad stuff about you.
9) You don’t hide your true feelings
You don’t pretend to be alright when you’re uneasy or mad at your partner. You’ll tell them. This includes things as embarrassing to admit as “you made me feel jealous last night”.
Instead of bottling up your feelings, you express them to your partner because you know they won’t judge you for it. You also know it’s the right way to make a relationship strong.
You’d say “You know, I’m jealous you talked to that girl” instead of pretending to be okay…and then a week later, taking revenge by flirting with a stranger to prove you’re even.
When you’re comfortable in your relationship, communication and honesty improve by leaps and bounds.
10) You’re not worried that they won’t like you
Sure you get self-conscious that you gained weight but a part of you KNOWS that your partner likes you anyway.
And sure you did something awful—say, you forgot to feed the cat or you got into a big fight with their best friend when you got drunk—but you know their love for you is strong and they’re willing to understand you.
When your relationship is comfortable, you feel secure in all aspects of the relationship. And this kind of feeling—the feeling that someone accepts you no matter what—is rare and priceless.
11) You have your own little world together
When you’re completely comfortable with someone, it’s like having your own little world.
Everyone and everything else around you fades into the background. You’re the main star of the movie and nothing else matters as long as you’re together in your own little world.
You have your own language, your own gestures, your own very familiar bubble that’s filled with pure love and affection.
When you’re with someone who’s not a good match, or you’re still at the beginning of a relationship, this might not be possible. Sure you’d feel excited, but it’s mainly lust and passion…not the gentle kind of comfort that can only be experienced when you’re already comfortable in your relationship.
12) You feel content even if things aren’t perfect
You don’t think that your night was “wasted” because you barely got anything done on your date, or that you had to settle for cheap food because you had to pay rent the other day.
And most importantly, you’re alright even if you and your partner argue every now and then. It’s not like these imperfect dates or small conflicts are big enough to shake your love for each other.
Your partner feels the same way too, and doesn’t try to deny the fact that things aren’t perfect. You know “perfect” moments are rare and so you enjoy whatever it is that’s right in front of you. As long as you’re together, you’re perfectly content.
13) Everything feels effortless
And I don’t mean to say that there are no problems between the two of you whatsoever, or that you don’t need to put in effort to maintain your relationship.
There will always be conflicts, and every relationship needs active effort to maintain.
What this means instead is that it doesn’t feel like you have to carry a mountain on your back for the sake of your relationship.
You’re so in sync with each other that you are no longer afraid of the times when the two of you butt heads, and the things you do to maintain your relationship don’t feel like they take extra effort.
14) You aren’t afraid to speak up
If you’re NOT comfortable talking to your partner about anything and everything under the sun, if you’re not comfortable speaking up and having arguments from time to time, they’re probably not the one.
This is a sign that there’s an imbalance in power between the two of you, and that your relationship depends one way or another on fear instead of love and mutual respect.
A truly loving relationship should be one where both of you are completely fine speaking up to the other if they ever say or do something questionable… or confessing one’s mistakes after they happened.
15) There’s no need for control
You don’t feel a need to always have a say on what your partner does, and neither does your partner feel a need to tell you what you can or can’t do.
There’s enough trust between the two of you that there’s simply no need for you to try to control each other in any way.
You’re sure that your partner isn’t going to cheat on you just because they hang out with friends of the opposite gender, and your partner is sure you still love them even if you don’t talk every day.
Your relationship feels comfortable if both of you feel free.
16) You accept them for who they are
You love your partner so much that you won’t care if a witch were to randomly change their gender right before your very eyes, or if it turns out they’re into hobbies you find “weird” or “pointless”.
In fact, not only are you willing to accept that they’re into those stuff, you’re also perfectly willing to change your views and stop being so judgy.
And if they lose an arm or a leg, you love them just the same…even more.
You’re sure that whatever happens, you’ll be there for each other.
Final words
There are many signs that will tell you that you’re comfortable enough to move forward with your relationship.
Most of them will become obvious enough when you stop and think about them for a moment, though some will need deeper reflection to tease out.
What you’re looking for, in broad terms, is a sense of stability and security that doesn’t feel forced in any way.
So go take a long look at your relationship, and if you have this dynamic. Do bear in mind that it doesn’t mean you’re not meant to be together if you don’t see all of the signs above.
Perhaps there’s a few things you still need to fix before you can be ready, and that’s okay. You’ll eventually get there.
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