9 signs you’re being too “nice” to others and people are taking advantage of you

There’s a fine line between being genuinely nice and being overly nice to the point where people start taking you for granted, which I also prefer to classify as “nice” vs. “doormat nice”.

You see, being nice is a wonderful trait, but when people overstep boundaries, it can quickly turn into a problem.

It’s not about becoming a jerk, it’s about maintaining respect.

Are you being too “nice”? Are people taking advantage of your good nature?

In this article, we’re going to explore 9 signs that suggest you might be erring on the side of being “doormat nice.”

Remember, it’s always okay to stand up for yourself, and acknowledging the problem is the first step in resolving it.

So, get ready to take some notes. It’s time to ensure that your kindness isn’t mistaken for weakness.

1) You’re always the one giving

Have you ever noticed that you’re always the one making sacrifices?

Being nice often means going out of your way to help others, but it shouldn’t be a one-way street.

If you’re constantly bending over backward for other people, but they never seem to reciprocate, this might be a sign that you’re being too “nice”.

Relationships should be about give and take. It’s not about keeping score, but there should be some sort of balance.

If you always find yourself on the giving end, it’s time to re-evaluate!

2) You’re always the one to give in and apologize

I remember a time when I would apologize for even the smallest things. And even worse, I would use apology as a compromise for things that I wasn’t even responsible for, in exchange for peace.

Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is a sign of empathy and respect. But when “sorry” becomes your go-to reaction to every situation, it’s a red flag!

Constantly saying sorry can give others the impression that you’re easy to push around.

It also signifies a lack of self-esteem and confidence.

I had to learn the hard way that not everything deserves an apology, and sometimes you have to stand your ground.

Surprisingly, you know what? The world didn’t end. People didn’t think less of me, and I started feeling more confident in my interactions.

Turns out, it’s a small change that can make a big difference.

3) You’re a “yes man”

Ever find yourself nodding along and saying “yes” to every request or favor asked of you? Even when it’s inconvenient or you’re already swamped with your own stuff?

This might be the first sign that you’re being too “nice”. It’s great to help others, but not at the cost of your own peace and wellbeing.

If you find it hard to turn down requests, it might be time to practice setting boundaries.

Your time and energy are just as valuable as everyone else’s.

It’s okay to turn down requests or invitations if they’re not in line with your priorities or well-being.

You don’t have to be available 24/7 to be a good person.

4) You feel responsible for other people’s happiness

When we care about others, it’s natural to want them to be happy.

But there’s a difference between supporting someone’s happiness and feeling like it’s your job to make them happy all the time.

If you find yourself trying to fix everything for everyone, constantly worrying about their feelings, or altering your behavior to keep others content, you might be crossing into the territory of being too “nice.”

Everyone is responsible for their own happiness.

You can be supportive and empathetic without carrying the weight of other people’s emotions. It’s not only healthier for you, but also for your relationships.

5) Your happiness is secondary

Any relationship should be a two-way street. Your happiness should weigh the same as it does for the other parties.

Putting your happiness in a secondary place indicates a lack of self-confidence and a failure to acknowledge self-worth.

Your happiness and your needs should have the same importance to them as theirs for you.

It is a fair and simple truth that relationships flourish on the principle of reciprocity – a balance where both parties give and take in equal measure. It’s non-negotiable for any healthy and long-lasting relationship.

The mentality of “whatever it costs, as long as they’re happy” accidentally creates an imbalanced state in a relationship and makes you appear as an easy target to take advantage of.

There’s a fine line between supporting and self-sacrificing.

Putting yourself in an equal state with your partner and eliminating the self-sacrifice mentality encourages you to see the journey as part of a balanced dynamic and take some pressure off the relationship.

This is the first step into being “nice” but not “doormat” nice, who gets walked over easily.

pic1915 9 signs you’re being too “nice” to others and people are taking advantage of you

6) You feel unappreciated

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes, no matter how much you give, some people just won’t appreciate it.

You give your all and pour your heart into everything you do for others, but there will always be someone who takes your effort for granted and thinks of it as an obvious act, which clearly is not!

It seems like it’s never enough. You feel like you are never enough, regardless of what you do or how hard you try. This can be a deeply hurtful and lonely feeling.

It’s important to remember that your worth isn’t defined by how others treat you. You deserve to be appreciated and valued just as much as anyone else.

Being “nice” doesn’t mean you should settle for less than respect and appreciation, which, may I remind you, are already the bare minimum aspects of any relationship!

7) You struggle with confrontation

I’ve always hated confrontations. The mere thought of a heated argument would make my stomach churn. So, whenever a conflict arose, I would just nod and agree, even if I didn’t really agree at all.

Avoiding confrontations is common among people who are overly nice.

It’s much easier to agree and keep the peace than to voice your opinion and risk an argument. But this can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration.

It took me a while to understand that healthy confrontation is a part of life and that it’s okay to express your feelings and disagreements.

It doesn’t mean you’re being rude or unkind; it means you’re standing up for yourself, which is something everyone should feel comfortable doing.

8) You feel guilty for taking time for yourself

If you ever find yourself feeling guilty when you take time out for yourself, that’s a sign you’re being “doormat nice.”

Whether it’s enjoying a hobby, taking a day off, or simply relaxing with a good book, you deserve to indulge in activities that make you happy.

Making time for yourself is not selfish. It is necessary for your mental and physical health.

In fact, one should always prioritize self-care, as you can’t pour from an empty cup, only when you are fulfilled can you be there for others in a more effective and meaningful way.

As author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek said, “Putting yourself first is not selfish. Quite the opposite. You must put your happiness and health first before you can be of help to anyone else” 

You are allowed to prioritize your needs without feeling guilty about it!

If people make you feel bad for doing so, it’s a clear sign they are taking advantage of your kindness.

9) You have trouble setting boundaries

It’s true that every relationship requires somewhat of a “compromise,” but the key takeaway here is to always remember this:  “To what extent?”

Respecting others’ boundaries is not just as simple as asking for permission before borrowing their stuff; it goes all the way from developing a conscious understanding of your own boundaries to observing and acknowledging other’s comfort levels.

The fundamental part of any healthy relationship is respecting each other’s boundaries, which, in the simplest sense, means knowing where the limit is and when to stop.

It’s a basic manner and courtesy to have in everyday interaction. But unfortunately, sometimes it might not be the case.

If you find yourself constantly being put on the spot by the “harmless” jokes or if your opinions and feelings are often ignored or invalidated, you might as well need to speak up for yourself, and it’s also high time to reconsider the relationship.

Final reflection: The power of self-love

At the heart of it all lies one undeniable truth: Self-love.

Self-love isn’t just about bubble baths and treating yourself to a shopping spree. It’s about setting boundaries, standing up for yourself, and not allowing anyone to take advantage of your kindness.

We want to be nice, not “doormat” nice!

Being too “nice” often stems from a lack of self-love. But remember, you are deserving of that love and kindness just as much as anyone else.

When you start treating yourself with the love and respect you deserve, you set the bar for how others should treat you.

So, take some time today to reflect on your actions and behaviors.

Are you being too “nice”? Are people taking advantage of your kindness?

If so, it’s time to start practicing self-love and setting healthy boundaries. Because at the end of the day, you, my friend, are enough, you are worth it!

Rachel La

Rachel La

I have always known that I love to write. I counted on writing to reflect on my own personal thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It's a great way to put all the wandering thoughts on paper and see how your point of view progresses. From what started out as a hobby, a tool to express my deepest thoughts and reflect on daily life, soon became much more once I found out just how magical words can be. What you feed your mind is laid on the words you put down when writing. The more consciously you choose your food for thought, the more it will enrich and flourish your life. Contact me: rachel.la0910@gmail.com

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