I’m in total awe of those people who can walk into any room and effortlessly have others eating out of the palm of their hands.
Conversation and connection appear to come naturally.
Maybe you are one of these people.
If you are, then it gives you a great advantage in life, as it’s a valuable trait in both personal and professional settings.
Here are 10 signs that suggest you possess this special gift.
1) You’re an extrovert
Extroversion certainly isn’t essential in connecting easily with others. Plenty of introverts create deep and fulfilling relationships.
But it gives you a head start on becoming a naturally sociable person.
That’s because extroverts seek out the company of others more.
Extroverts have long been associated with qualities such as being outgoing, collaborative, and enjoying social settings.
As explained by researcher Dan Buettner in Psychology Today:
“Researchers estimate extroverts make up 50 – 74 percent of the population. These “social butterflies” thrive under social stimulation. Extroverts focus on their external environment, the people and activities around them. Extroverts thrive in active, fast-paced jobs, such as politics, teaching and sales, where quick decisions are commonplace.”
That’s because research shows extroverts and introverts are wired differently in the brain.
That difference is in the activity of the dopamine reward network. It’s more active in extroverts, so they find outside stimulation more rewarding.
In layman’s terms, they get more of a kick out of noise, crowds, and a bustling atmosphere. Meanwhile, introverts get quickly overstimulated from all that sensory input.
It means extroverts instinctively gravitate more to people.
2) You’ve been told you’re friendly and approachable
Being approachable can seem like a vague quality that is hard to pin down. In many ways, it comes across as an energy that you give out. People are drawn to you like a magnet.
But when we dig deeper, we see that plenty of parts play a role in creating this warmth that others pick up on.
We’re talking about practical things that you may well do without even realizing:
- Having open body language — arms and legs uncrossed, straight posture, relaxed shoulders, etc.
- A warm and sincere smile — research shows most of us can tell when someone is faking.
- Good eye contact.
- Mirroring body language.
- Polite and helpful.
Essentially, these elements come together to create a friendly demeanor that makes others feel comfortable around you.
3) Communication feels effortless for you
Strong communication is something we learn.
But to some people, it’s already a part of their skillset, as they have existing qualities that facilitate it.
Part of it comes down to self-expression. You know yourself and are good at articulating that to others.
You may have been told you’re a talkative person or even a chatterbox, which goes to show communication comes naturally to you.
But being a good communicator relies on not only self-understanding but a real interest in others too.
Curiosity is what helps you to ask questions, show an interest in others, and ultimately form connections.
4) You have a knack for understanding others
Being able to read others suggests you have:
- Social intelligence
- Emotional intelligence
- Empathy
You have a deep understanding of others’ emotions, and your empathy allows you to forge strong bonds with people.
You can read the room and adjust yourself accordingly.
Part of that ability comes from the fact that you can pick up on those more subtle non-verbal cues others are giving out.
Things like facial expression, body movement eye contact, posture, micro gestures, and even shifts in energy.
Of course, that demands that you are attentive and observant.
It also requires the ability to do the next thing on our list, which as we’re about to see is easier said than done.
5) You have honed your listening skills over the years
The other side of the communication coin is listening.
It’s all very good and well being able to express yourself, but without the ability to hear what others have to say, your relationships inevitably suffer.
It turns out most of us like to think we’re good listeners, yet the evidence suggests otherwise.
Research found that although 96 percent of people think they are good listeners, people only retain about half of what others say.
That’s why active listening can be a game-changer.
It encourages us to transform listening from a passive action that just requires us to keep quiet.
Instead, it demands that we see our role as just as important, even when we’re not the ones speaking.
That means:
- Avoid distractions and keep your attention fully on the speaker.
- Resist the urge to rehearse your response whilst the other person talks (the mind likes to try to wander).
- Give feedback to show you are listening by nodding your head, maintaining eye contact, and affirming statements like ums and ahs.
- Watch out for the body language signals others give out.
- Ask follow-up questions to show you are interested, which research has shown makes you instantly more likable.
Active listening is how you pay attention to others and show genuine interest. That way others feel valued and heard.
6) You’re adaptable
You find it just as easy to strike up a conversation with your server in a restaurant as you do your boss.
Your ability to comfortably adjust to a variety of social situations is perhaps something you have never given much thought to.
But it’s a sign of your adaptability.
Your flexibility makes it easy for you to connect with a diverse range of individuals. You can tap into different sides of yourself to find a connection with people who on the surface may seem nothing like you.
You look past differences and towards commonality.
7) You have a positive attitude
Let’s start by making one thing clear:
Having a positive attitude doesn’t mean you’re a non-stop walking ray of sunshine.
We may appreciate positive energy, but toxic positivity is a real turn-off in others as it makes perfectly natural human emotions somehow “wrong”.
People can quickly feel invalidated when you’re always encouraging them to turn that frown upside down.
But a positive attitude means that you have a generally optimistic outlook on life. You expect good things to happen and you go looking for them.
You practice self-compassion and gratitude, and you try to help out as much as you can. So people are naturally drawn to your uplifting energy.
Studies have shown that happiness is contagious. So it’s no wonder that we prefer to surround ourselves with it.
Researcher and professor of medical sociology Nicholas Christakis says “Just as some diseases are contagious, we’ve found that many emotions can pulse through social networks.”
8) You have a vast network
Your ability to connect with others doesn’t just go deep, it also goes wide.
As a result, you have some serious networking prowess.
This benefits not only your personal life but your work life too. As pointed out in Harvard Business Review:
“A mountain of research shows that professional networks lead to more job and business opportunities, broader and deeper knowledge, improved capacity to innovate, faster advancement, and greater status and authority. Building and nurturing professional relationships also improves the quality of work and increases job satisfaction.”
You effortlessly build and maintain relationships. Your networking skills open doors to new opportunities. You enjoy getting out and about, meeting, and collaborating with new people.
9) You are open-minded
Being open-minded impacts our ability to form connections in so many ways.
It makes you receptive to new perspectives, experiences, and ideas. It helps you to approach situations without preconceived notions and biases that will trip you up and get in the way of understanding others.
You offer respect to people, no matter who they are, which helps you avoid conflict.
It allows you to accept the diversity around you. Rather than feel threatened by it, you are likely curious about it as an opportunity for learning and growth.
Stubborn people are more likely to land themselves in hot water. They may feel like drama follows them around, yet their closed-off nature is what creates it.
10) You are charismatic
Much like being approachable, charisma gives you the edge.
Research has found that there are 2 distinct aspects to it:
- Affability: This comes down to how pleasant and charming you are, which is what draws people in.
- Influence: This is defined as your strength of presence. It’s likely that you ooze confidence and have the ability to comfortably lead a group.
You are considerate, flattering, respectful, and persuasive.
Despite how disarming charisma can be, it’s not an act. It should rest on sincerity and authenticity, which is what builds trust in your relationships.
We can always get better at connection
Whether you’re a dab hand or still a bit rusty, we can all hone our social skills.
Whilst some qualities may well come naturally, it’s just as much a learned behavior.
Becoming a more sociable person can rest equally on bolstering our self-esteem and confidence, just as much as our social intelligence.
