Do you ever feel like the world is passing you by? When I turned 30 I started to wonder: was I an absolute loser?
Of course, I wasn’t sure what a loser even was by definition, but I did some research and what I found was quite astounding.
Guess what? I truly was a loser!
The thing is, what made me a loser was actually very different from what I thought would be the reason!
The good news? Now that I knew the signs of being a loser I knew exactly what to do about it!
And I want to share that precious knowledge with you, too!
1) You don’t have your life together at all
Have you ever turned up to work without a pen? Or left your laptop at home? Or had to suddenly cancel that awesome weekend getaway?
If you have, you’re not alone – and one of those incidents isn’t a problem. But if you are constantly feeling lost and like you just can’t get your life together, that’s a different story.
Being a loser at 30 means that your life is a total mess.
You have no idea where anything is and your desk is probably full of piles of junk.
You are late to everything because you can’t find your keys and you have no idea how to manage your time properly.
This sign isn’t just specific to work: it is indicative of your whole life.
If you don’t know where any of your important documents are, you probably don’t have any sort of plan for your future.
The result is pretty simple: get your life together, just a little bit!
What helped me was writing to-do lists!
2) You always feel like the victim of your circumstances
Do you ever feel like every problem in your life is someone else’s fault?
Well, if you do, you’re a loser.
Losers are always blaming their parents, the government, or their friends for everything.
If you have no self-awareness or ability to take responsibility for your own actions, you’re a loser.
Simply put: if it’s never your fault in any way, shape, or form, you’re a loser.
And if you constantly blame other people for things that are not their fault, you’re definitely a loser.
Self-awareness is a very important skill to have – and many people lack that skill in one way or another. If you don’t understand yourself and your own motivations, you’re a loser.
The thing is – we can always find a speck of responsibility in all the situations we are in.
3) You are constantly negative
Does the glass half full or half empty debate leave you constantly reeling?
If so, you might be a loser. Losers are always negative about everything – and it is a major sign that you’re a loser.
You’re always complaining about something or someone: the weather, your job, your family, your friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend.
You’re probably a loser if you are complaining all the time.
Not sure where to start or what to do? You could start by doing the gratitude challenge: write down 3 things you’re grateful for every single day.
You see, if you are wondering what to do about being a loser, it really all just starts with yourself.
It all comes down to the relationship you have with yourself. I learned that from the shaman Rudá Iandê.
Yeah, after I found out I was on track to being the biggest loser ever, I decided to go see a shaman and ask for help.
First, I watched a video by him, though, and it truly opened my eyes.
I never thought it was possible, but In his excellent free video, he explained how I could reach any goals I have in life.
Now: this might not work for you, I will be 100% honest with you, but if there is just a small chance that it will transform your life as it did mine, then give it a shot.
4) You don’t have any friends or supportive people in your life
It’s a sad fact: you’re probably a loser if you have no friends.
Losers don’t appear to have many (or any!) friends in real life.
They might have a few people they talk to online or they might have a couple of colleagues they get drinks with once a month, but they don’t have any friends they can turn to for support in person.
Friendships are the some of the most important relationships in your life.
They are important for all sorts of reasons – for example, they help you to stay positive, take an interest in other people and learn from being a good friend.
But most importantly, friends are a huge support network: they help you through tough times and celebrate the good stuff in your life.
If you don’t have any friends, you’re a loser: there’s no other way to put it.
The thing is, you don’t need 100 friends to be “cool”. The older you get, the more you realize it’s truly quality over quantity.
Having 1 or 2 people you can talk to is already enough. If you don’t have that, try to be more open with people and get to know them more.
5) You feel like you’re always failing at everything you do
Losers feel like they’re always failing at everything they do.
In fact, they see every single thing they do as a complete failure.
Losers can’t see the positives in anything they’ve done.
They’re so negative they can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
They’ve given up on themselves before they even get started. For example, every job you get fired from, every relationship that ends, every fitness goal that you don’t achieve is a failure.
Losers take one failure and turn it into 10 more. If you feel like you’re constantly failing at everything you do, you’re most likely a loser.
The thing is, I felt the same way, and the solution is very simple. Don’t look at your mistakes as failures, simply see them as lessons!
Once you make that switch, you’ll be okay!
6) You dread going to work every day
Sure, you might love the work itself – but if you dread going to work every single day, you’re a loser.
Why? Because you are constantly unhappy and unfulfilled.
You aren’t happy in your current job – or you’re not happy with what your job can do for you and your future.
If you are constantly unhappy and unfulfilled with what you’re doing, you’ve probably got the wrong job and you’re a loser.
The thing is, at 30, you have 30 to 40 more years of doing this job – is that really something you want?
If the answer is no, then try to see if you can do anything about it.
Does your company sponsor any further education? Is there a different field you’d like to go into?
Try new things and find what sparks some joy in you!
7) You feel hopeless a lot of the time
You’re probably a loser if you feel hopeless a lot of the time.
If you are constantly hopeless, you probably don’t have any belief in yourself or the world around you.
Losers are constantly looking for the worst outcome in everything that happens.
They read the worst into every situation and they constantly talk themselves into believing that the worst will happen.
They are so negative that they are often right – but it isn’t because of any special skill or insight.
It is because they have given up on themselves and the world around them. If you feel hopeless a lot of the time, you’re likely a loser.
8) You have no goals or ambitions
They’ve given up on their dreams and they’ve given up on their future.
If you haven’t really thought about what you want to do in the next 10 years, you’re a loser.
If you aren’t really sure where you want to be in your life, you’re a loser, and if you don’t really understand what you want to do, you’re a loser.
Having goals and ambitions is a very important thing to have in life: they keep you moving forward and they keep you engaged in life.
Losers have given up on their dreams and they have given up on their future.
Try to really figure out what it is you want to do with your life!
9) You are self-absorbed
Are you more interested in what is happening in your life than other people?
If so, you’re probably a loser. If you are always selfish and don’t seem to care about anyone else, you’ve probably got a huge sense of self-absorption.
A self-absorbed person is only interested in what is happening in their own life.
They don’t care about anyone else and they don’t want to hear about anything that happens in your life.
Losers are extremely self-absorbed: they don’t care about anyone else and don’t want to be bothered with anyone else’s problems.
You see, if you aren’t self-absorbed, then you most likely also have friends, which are two signs you’re not a loser!
10) You lack purpose
It’s quite simple, when you don’t have any purpose or goal in life, that can be a sign of being a loser.
They don’t really know what they want to do and they don’t really know where they want to be in the future. Losers haven’t really thought about what they want to do in the future.
And the worst part of it?
They have no idea what their purpose in life is.
Having a purpose is incredibly important, when I felt like I didn’t have any, I was hopeless and sad all the time.
You see, a purpose really keeps you going.
11) You have zero self-awareness
Wanna know one of the worst traits someone can have? It’s having zero self-awareness.
Self-awareness means being aware of your actions and how they impact other people.
But it also means realizing when you are on the not-so-great track to feeling like a loser.
Self-awareness is also the first step to becoming better and growing, so if you feel like a loser and are reading this article, that already makes you less of a loser!
12) You have a narrow mindset
Another sign that you might be a bit of a loser is when your mind is not open to new things at all.
You see, having an open mind is an important quality to have.
The thing is when you’ve lived your entire life with a narrow mindset, that can be a bit tricky! But you can start by expanding your horizons and reading into topics you don’t know much about.
Most importantly, approach new ideas with curiosity instead of rejection.
13) You give up easily
Okay, this one is pretty self-explanatory, but a major sign of being a loser is if you give up easily.
I know, the world can be cruel and it can be difficult sometimes, but if you give up all the time, then you won’t get anywhere!
Trust me, even though life is hard, giving up will not make it any easier.
Once I realized this, I knew exactly what I needed to do in order to reach my goals.
14) You gossip a lot
The only people that have time to talk badly about other people behind their backs are losers.
The truth is, you simply have nothing more important going on in your life, apparently.
So, quit gossiping and start focusing on your own life.
Where can you improve?
And the best part about that? This will also make you more likable to other people, making it easier to find new friends!
Trust me, gossiping is never very cute.
15) You have no integrity
Having integrity means standing to your values, and having integrity is basically being a good person.
And if you’re a loser, you definitely don’t have any values or integrity.
You see, losers only care about themselves and their own happiness, so they will not hold their values to the highest standards.
When you have no values and no integrity in your life, then you can’t be expected to have any either!
Integrity means speaking your truth and then acting accordingly.
Trust me when I say that anyone who has a healthy sense of integrity is not a loser, so maybe start there.
It all starts with you
The moral of the story (and something I had to learn the hard way) is that being a loser has actually nothing to do with my circumstances.
It doesn’t matter which job I have, which car I drive, what my partner looks like, or how many parties I go to.
The only thing that matters is how I feel on the inside and what kind of person I am.
Once that clicked, I realized that nobody is ever forced to be a loser – it’s something we do to ourselves.
This realization is painful because you realize that you’ve been putting yourself in that position for a long time, but at the same time, it is freeing because you realize you have power over your own life.
Once I took back that power, everything changed. Will you take yours back, too?