The workplace has long been the scene of many romances.
In fact, workplace romance statistics show that over 60% of us have had a relationship with someone we met through our job. Research also shows that a whopping 85% of affairs start in the workplace.
It makes sense. We spend a lot of time at work, often getting to know our colleagues well, and likely sharing common interests. We are thrown together on a daily basis. Sometimes connections form.
And unlike dating and attending singles events (for example), we don’t stop going to work when we get married. And neither does our spouse. So, it’s almost inevitable that couples can find themselves attracted to colleagues from time to time.
So, what’s the harm in having a bit of a work crush? No harm at all, if that’s all it is…
Or maybe it’s the beginning of the end of your relationship.
Not to mention the fact that realizing that your partner has developed feelings for someone else can be truly devastating (particularly if you were under the impression that all was rosy in the garden). It hurts the heart and the head. And it’s kryptonite for the ego.
It helps to be able to identify the warning signs that your wife likes one of her coworkers before it escalates and it’s too late to do anything about it.
And whether she’s just started to flirt with an attractive new colleague, finds herself drawn to someone despite herself, or is considering cheating, the red flags are all the same. And they all involve sudden changes in behavior.
So, let’s get into it.
1) She’s suddenly more enthusiastic about her job
Has your wife suddenly become much more excited about her work? More motivated to get going in the morning?
Maybe it’s because she’s started an exciting new project or has recently got a promotion. Or maybe she’s consumed with that giggly butterflies-in-the-belly feeling we get when we’re around someone we’re really attracted to.
It’s a rare (but lucky) person that gets exhilarated at the thought of going to work the next day.
So, if your wife’s attitude to work suddenly becomes more positive without an apparent reason, it may be that she likes a coworker.
Need I say more?
2) She’s putting more effort into her appearance
Not only has her attitude to work changed but has your wife also changed how she dresses for the office? Is she putting more effort into her outfit, hair, makeup, etc.?
Has she suddenly started working out more and watching what she eats?
Maybe she has swapped her flats for some sexy heels. Started to wear a little more perfume…
When we’re attracted to someone, we put our best foot forward. And for a woman, this generally means accentuating her beauty and sensuality.
So, she’ll want to look gorgeous. She may take longer to do her hair and makeup, start wearing cuter work outfits and even begin to dress slightly more revealingly (if her job lets her get away with it).
It’s a sure sign: If your wife is suddenly putting more effort into how she looks going to work, it’s probably not for your benefit. It’s more likely she’s trying to impress a special someone at the workplace.
Sorry, mate.
3) You’re hearing the same name a lot
If your wife starts mentioning a particular coworker a lot, this is a warning sign that she is attracted to that person.
When we’re excited about and interested in someone, it can be difficult to avoid bringing them up in conversation. We may be a little extra flamboyant or shy around them (depending on our personality), but we inevitably (and involuntarily) talk about them to others.
And when a woman feels those butterflies, she can struggle to contain her excitement!
Maybe your wife has been sharing anecdotes about a particular person quite a lot. And maybe she smiles (and her face lights up) when she mentions their name. It doesn’t matter that she’s not speaking about them in a sexual or romantic context.
What matters is that this person is on her mind. And although communicating that is probably the last thing she wants to do, subconsciously she won’t be able to help it.
Ever been around a female friend who just met someone she’s crazy about?
Can she speak about anything else? There you go.
4) She’s leaving for work a little earlier (and coming back a little later)
We’re not talking about a major routine change here, but if your wife is getting to the office a little earlier and leaving a little later, she may be using this time to flirt.
I don’t know about you, but when I worked a nine-to-five, I was ready to walk out every evening as the clock turned six. Only a looming deadline or an attractive colleague could have kept me there a moment longer than necessary.
Something to consider.
5) She’s no longer chasing you for quality time
Remember when your wife was constantly asking for more quality time together?
She always wanted more date nights, evening strolls, weekends away – you name it.
Has she recently stopped asking? Or worse, have you suggested doing something nice together and she’s made excuses not to?
Red flag alert.
Maybe she’s not bothered anymore because there’s someone else she’d rather spend quality time with.
Losing interest in doing romantic things with you is a definite sign her focus is no longer on you or your relationship. Maybe because someone else has caught her eye.
6) She seems distracted
And just as her focus is no longer on you or the relationship, chances are she is also becoming more detached.
I bet you two used to be wrapped around each other on the couch every evening, laughing, joking, and talking about your day. But when this lovely, playful couple’s behavior dries up, somebody often begins moving on (or even just thinking about it).
Does it ever feel like your wife is not present with you in the moment?
Can you sit side-by-side watching the TV and not speak for the entire evening?
If your wife is detached, this could be a strong indicator that she is fantasizing about someone else.
7) She’s unleashing the four C’s
Not familiar with this term?
The four C’s are complaining, criticizing, correcting, and comparing; hellish communication devices that tear at your ears and literally consume your soul.
Needless to say, when your lady starts coming at you with the four C’s, she’s far from happy in the relationship (or the worst communicator in the world).
We should all be able to rely on our significant other for consistent support, understanding, and maybe even some praise from time to time.
So, when your wife not only stops being nurturing, becomes critical of things she was once OK with, or starts to compare you to other men (or another man, to be precise) this is a sign that her affections are now with someone else.
She now finds you irritating and even repulsive. Subconsciously, she may be annoyed at you for not being more like her crush.
So, watch out if you’re suddenly getting nagged more than usual. It could mean she’s really into this person from work.
Which leads us nicely to…
8) She is starting more arguments
Has your wife recently become more aggressive and defensive?
Are you walking on eggshells? Does it seem like everything you do these days has the potentially the start another argument?
When someone knows they are doing something wrong and feels bad about it, they often project these feelings onto others. (A dear friend of mine discovered his wife’s three-year affair after she accused him of cheating on her!) Sadly, this is not uncommon.
It’s also a lot easier to justify our mistreatment of others if we make them the bad guy. For instance, why should she feel guilty about fancying someone else if you’re selfish, messy, and irresponsible?
Who could blame her for being swept away by a gorgeous, charming prospect when her husband doesn’t make any effort to please her anymore?
Focusing on your flaws (or creating new ones) could be your wife’s way of relieving the guilt she feels for liking someone else. It’s also a way of self-justifying her emotional disloyalty.
Really watch out if she accuses you of being attracted to someone else!
The nerve.
9) The sex is different
Maybe it’s become formulaic and dull or it’s suddenly stopped altogether, but chances are, if your sex life has recently changed, it could mean that your wife has someone else on her mind.
Unlike men whose sexual desire is naturally more focused on intercourse and orgasm, the female libido is driven by emotional connection and affection. And this is especially true in established relationships.
A sudden lack of interest in sex means she’s not feeling connected to you and is therefore not attracted to you. And this could be because she’s starting to connect with and be attracted to someone else.
Watch out.
10) Your gut is telling you that you’re losing her
Hear me now, your gut is always right.
If yours is telling you that your spouse is into someone from work, then she probably is.
Now is not the time to stick your head in the sand and hope the issue goes away. It’s time to face the fire and save your relationship before it’s too late.
But I’m not the problem. I hear you say. She’s the one who is looking outside the relationship!
That may be true, but what’s also true is by working on yourself and breaking free from damaging, self-sabotaging ideas about love and relationships, you can reattract your partner and experience love on a different level.
Feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and distrust are poison for marriages. And often, what we experience has more to do with ourselves than with our partner.
By gaining a better understanding of yourself and common issues like fear of abandonment and codependency, you can transform your mindset and become the kind of partner your wife will be loyal to both emotionally and physically.
Check out this Love and Intimacy Masterclass with world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê where he reveals how to access the power within yourself to build and maintain a stronger, healthier, and better relationship.
Because, at the end of the day, it is you that creates your relationship reality.
