You and your wife have separated.
The sting of that realization is still fresh, but you’ve accepted it. You’ve both agreed on neutral ground for the time being – no personal attacks, no accusations, and no hurtful words.
But now what? How do you continue from here? Do you keep your distance or try to find some common ground again? The answer is – the latter!
Reconciliation doesn’t just happen. It takes work to get there again after a separation.
That’s why we’ve put together this list of 16 promising signs that your separated wife wants to reconcile so that you know what to look for.
1) Your wife broke the silence
After you and your wife made the decision to separate, she fell silent. She stopped calling, stopped texting, and stopped talking to you altogether.
It’s a natural reaction when something like this happens. It’s as if she just needs a moment to process it all, to be alone and gather herself together again.
But when she does speak again, it’s a promising sign that your wife is ready to come back together again. It means that she’s willing to try and move forward – not in the same direction as before, but in a new direction.
So, in case she contacted you for more than asking you a specific question about your children or family-related things, then this is a good sign that your separated wife wants to reconcile and is open for discussion.
Otherwise, if you’re the one who started the conversation and she didn’t reply, or if your conversations are superficial, you may have to wait a bit longer.
2) Your wife is making time for you again
Here’s another promising sign your separated wife wants to reconcile: she’s making time for you.
You know, the days/weeks that are earmarked for work, for family obligations, for activities – whatever it is. During a separation, those things become more important than the marriage itself.
And if your separated wife has now acknowledged that and started carving out her own time from her schedule for you again, this means she’s open to trying and moving forward.
To be more precise, it means that she’s willing to give you a chance again. But, to make sure that’s also your case, ask yourself these questions:
- What does she want to do?
- Is your conversation happening on neutral ground?
- Is she asking you questions about yourself?
If she’s doing those things, then she’s showing that she wants to try again. It just might take some time.
So, wait a while and see if this trend continues. If it does, then great!
3) She wants to stop blaming each other for the separation
Look: a breakup is rarely a one-sided thing. Both parties are responsible.
Still, blaming each other for the separation will do nothing but prevent reconciliation.
Because when you blame each other, it creates bad feelings and resentment, which only stokes the idea of divorce more.
So, the first promising sign that your wife wants to reconcile is that she wants to stop blaming each other for the separation.
In other words, if she wants to reconcile, she’ll look to avoid making things even worse. She’ll try to remember that both of you are at fault and that pointing fingers doesn’t help with anything.
In addition, she’ll realize that changing her behavior is more important. She’ll try to do the right things to make sure that she doesn’t repeat her mistakes.
But do you also realize that? Do you realize that sometimes we fall into codependent roles of savior and victim to try to “fix” our partner, only to end up in a miserable, bitter routine?
The truth is that far too often, we are on shaky ground with our own selves and this carries over into toxic relationships that become hell on earth.
But here’s the way to change it and improve your relationship, in turn — you need to reflect on yourself, realize why you’re blaming your wife, and build an inner relationship with yourself.
I learnt about this from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me to see through the lies we tell ourselves about love, and become truly empowered.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, love is not what many of us think it is. In fact, many of us are actually self-sabotaging our love lives without realizing it!
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective. Maybe it will also help you to master the art of love and intimacy and restore your relationship with your wife.
4) Your wife apologizes for her part in the separation
People make mistakes. We all do. As humans, we aren’t perfect.
Some of us, though, are more likely to apologize for those mistakes than others. If your wife has apologized to you for her part in the breakup, it’s a promising sign that she wants to reconcile and to save your marriage.
When a couple breaks up, both parties usually feel that they contributed to the breakup in some way. They both usually feel that they have some part to shoulder.
However, even if that happens, not all of them are able to find the strength to apologize. They might feel like the other is more responsible for the breakup than they are, a fact that can actually stop them from apologizing.
But before we move on to the next sign, let me ask you this: Did you apologize to her?
If you’ve apologized for your part in the breakup, too, then great! You can use this as an opportunity to find some common ground and start talking to each other again.
5) Your wife is trying to find solutions instead of pointing fingers
The first five signs we mentioned were more about your wife’s emotions.
Now, we’re going to focus on what’s happening in your relationship (or with her).
The thing is that she might now recognize some of her faults or mistakes and want to change them. But she might have no idea how.
Even so, instead of pointing fingers, she’s trying to find solutions. And that’s great because this is a good sign that your separated wife wants to reconcile.
How so? Well, she obviously doesn’t want to spend her life looking at the past. She wants to look toward the future, no matter how hard it is.
6) She’s not being stubborn and critical
A sign that your wife wants to reconcile is that she’s not being stubborn and critical during the separation.
How so? Being stubborn and critical are the first signs that your wife isn’t open to talking or moving forward.
If your wife is being stubborn or critical, this means that she’s holding on to past resentments and grudges rather than working to fix them.
In other words, she’s not willing to make a fresh start. She wants to blame you for everything because she has no interest in making your relationship better.
However, if the opposite happens – if she’s not being stubborn or critical of you – then this is a great sign that your separated wife wants to reconcile.
The only exception? It could all be an act, so you need to wait and see.
7) Want advice specific to your situation?
While the signs in this article will help you understand whether your separated wife wants to reconcile, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like going through a separation. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding, and professional they were.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
8) Your wife sticks to her promises
This is one of the most basic signs that your wife wants to reconcile.
If she keeps her promises, this means that she’s ready and willing to take responsibility again. She’s no longer just sitting back and accepting whatever happens.
The psychology behind this is that if your wife sticks to her promises, it means she’s more open to taking responsibility for her own actions.
She recognizes that she has some faults and wants to change them. And you have to be the one who sees this change happening in order for your marriage to grow again.
Because if you aren’t noticing it and aren’t encouraging her to change, she might not make the effort.
9) You notice little changes in her behavior
Does your wife now talk more?
Is she more affectionate now?
Is she trying new things instead of her old habits?
Why am I asking you this? Because these are all promising signs that your separated wife wants to reconcile.
What’s going on here? Well, if your wife is going to make the effort, she’s going to have to change her own behavior. And that means that you’ll see changes in things like how she talks, acts, or thinks.
In contrast, if your wife isn’t changing, then chances are that nothing is going to change in your marriage either. And that’s definitely not a good sign.
Even so, take this sign with a grain of salt. There’s no guarantee that your wife is going to make the effort to change. In fact, some couples decide to separate because neither is willing to make the effort.
So, look for signs that your wife is trying to change her behavior (see above). If she’s trying and you’re encouraging her, then it’s a promising sign that she wants to reconcile.
10) She’s willing to create a new shared future
There are many reasons why marriages fail. But the one reason that surfaces more often than others is that couples stop seeing a future together.
Why? Because one of the partners gets tired of the routine and plain old drudgery of everyday life. Other possible reasons are:
- You don’t support each other’s goals, projects, or dreams;
- You take the other one for granted;
- You don’t value each other’s unique qualities and talents;
- You fight too much and don’t put in the effort to work on your marriage;
- You’re not honest or respectful with each other about your feelings and needs.
But if your wife is willing to create a new shared future, then this is a great sign that she wants to reconcile.
Why? Because it means that she’s willing to take the time and effort to make things different in your marriage.
And who knows? She might want you back so much that she’ll even try out some of your favorite hobbies and activities.
11) She flirts with you as if you’ve just met
Is your wife flirting with you or just wishful thinking?
With your separation in mind, you might feel kind of rusty when it comes to flirting. You might not even recognize it when it happens to you.
But let me tell you this: If your wife flirts with you, it means she doesn’t want a divorce. She might want to reconcile.
Here’s how you can tell if your wife is flirting with you:
- She leans closer to you when she talks;
- She touches you casually on the shoulder or arm;
- She looks at you with a flirty gaze in her eyes.
Of course, each woman has her own way of flirting, so if you’re in doubt, stop for a second and analyze the situation.
It’s important to note that flirting can be used in many ways. For example, if your wife acts like she is flirting when she actually isn’t, you need to be cautious about her motives.
12) Your wife says she misses you
Want proof that your wife wants to reconcile? Ask her if she misses you.
If she says yes, it means that there’s a chance that she wants to get back together. And that’s a promising sign!
How so? It means that she still cares about you because if she didn’t care about you, then she wouldn’t miss you.
Of course, not every woman is going to say that she misses you right away. Some women might not feel comfortable saying it at all.
But if your wife does say that she misses you, then great! However, the only way to find out for sure is to talk with her about it.
Pro tip: try not to appear arrogant when you ask her if she misses you. Your wife might be sensitive about it, especially if your marriage has some serious problems.
In that case, it’s best to put yourself in her shoes. Try to figure out what she might be thinking when you ask her if she misses you.
13) She tries to make you jealous
Let’s get one thing straight from the start: this sign does not count if your wife cheated on you, and that’s why you decided to separate. If that’s your case, you should know that she doesn’t want to reconcile if she tries to make you jealous.
On the contrary, she knows she would only hurt you even more. So this doesn’t count as a sign that she wants to get back together.
However, if your wife is trying to make you jealous in normal situations, then this is another promising sign that she wants to reconcile.
Why? Because she wants to get a reaction out of you that shows her that you’re still attracted to her. In other words, she might still want to be with you.
14) You have a great time remembering what you had
Some couples decide to separate because they realize that their marriage is over. Others want to separate because they don’t feel like they belong together anymore.
But if your marriage hasn’t hit rock bottom, there’s a chance that you can get back together if you remember the good times.
In fact, many couples use this idea to get them through separation: they think about all the good things they shared together and why they got married in the first place.
So if your wife is having nostalgic memories of what you previously had in your marriage, that’s a promising sign she wants you back.
15) Your wife constantly asks for your help
Is your wife not capable of taking care of herself? Does she really need your help?
To figure out whether she wants you back in her life, you should ask yourself whether she really needs your help. She could be using it as an excuse to see you.
It’s important to note that not every woman needs help. But if your wife constantly asks for your help, then it might be a sign.
Ultimately, you’re the only one who can tell. You know her well enough to decide if her actions are genuine or not.
16) She’s trying to fix your marriage
Finally, this is one of the biggest signs that your separated wife wants to reconcile: she’s trying to fix your relationship.
That doesn’t mean that separation is over, but it does mean that she wants things to go back to normal again. It also means that she acknowledges there’s something worth saving in your marriage.
How can you tell if she’s trying to fix your marriage? Look for some of these signs:
- She asks you about your feelings and needs;
- She takes your feelings into consideration when making decisions;
- She stops blaming you for the marital problems and starts working on solutions together with you;
- She’s trying hard to find common ground between you both;
- She seems like she wants to try some new things with you that she avoided in the past.
You see, when your wife is trying to fix your marriage, it means that she still has hope for the future. And hope is as powerful as you might think.
There’s always something you can work on so that things can get better. Apparently, your wife thinks the same way.
How long does the average separation last?
Statistical research shows that the average separation lasts for 6 to 8 months. However, this is only an average and that doesn’t mean your situation will follow the same pattern.
In general, there are two different types of separations: the final separation when one spouse really wants to end the marriage, and the temporary separation when both spouses need to take a break from each other and analyze their marriage.
This explains why some people’s separations last longer than others.
Do wives come back after separation?
Are you wondering if wives typically come back after separation?
Here’s the answer: it depends!
Depending on why you two separated in the first place, she may or may not come back after separation.
Here’s how you can tell…
… If you cheated on her, she might never want to get back together again.
… If you separated because you realized that your marriage was not what you imagined, she might still want to get back together.
… If you were never really compatible, to begin with, then she might not want to go through that pain again. She will want to focus on rebuilding her life and healing from your separation.
… If she fell out of love with you over time, she might want to divorce you. She might not be interested in getting back together.
… If she had a hard time dealing with the separation, she would probably want to reconcile. She will realize that your marriage is worth saving after all.
… If it was your idea to separate, then she’s more likely to come back. However, it depends on what your reasons were for separating in the first place.
As you can see, there are many possible situations, so it’s hard to give an all-encompassing answer. And these are just some of the reasons why she may or may not want to get back to you. There are virtually limitless possibilities.
How do I know if my wife is bluffing about divorce?
If your wife has threatened to divorce you, then you’re probably wondering if she’s serious.
You want to know if your marriage is really over or if it’s just a bluff.
Here are some things you should know that will help you figure out whether or not she’s bluffing about divorce:
Does she have any intention of giving back your wedding ring? – If not, it shows that she has no intention of divorcing in the future.
Does she have any intention of getting counseling? – If so, it means that she’s ready to work on your relationship, not divorce you.
Does she do anything that makes it difficult for you to move on with your life? – This shows that she still cares about what happens with your marriage.
Is she telling you that she doesn’t love you anymore? – It’s very likely that she wants to divorce you if she doesn’t love you anymore.
If your wife has threatened to divorce you and if she makes it sound like a sudden decision, then it could also be a bluff.
However, if your wife has been planning on divorcing you for some time already and it doesn’t look like anything is happening that would keep her from divorcing now, then it could be a serious threat.