As someone with a lot of anxiety, I find myself questioning everything all the time.
Especially when I’m stressed, and especially regarding my relationships.
Sometimes I end up questioning what’s already good and well – creating problems for myself when there aren’t any.
Which just makes me question my intuition about a person I’m seeing by mixing it up with my anxiety.
And while there is no such thing as a perfect anything, seeing the concept of perfect with a little more nuance can help you appreciate your connections with people as they are.
Here are 12 signs your relationship is basically perfect.
1) Healthy communication
A clear sign of emotional maturity is when you’re able to communicate what you’re feeling without placing blame on anyone.
As well as listening actively so you’re not just talking at your partner.
Using “I feel” statements definitely helps. But it’s also about curating a peaceful environment where there is no judgment for having certain doubts or anxieties.
That takes practice and time so if you and your partner have made the effort to create this kind of positive environment, that’s a great sign.
It’s also how trust is built, instead of relying on things like the benefit of the doubt to fuel your sense of safety.
Trust is what truly removes any doubt beyond the reasonable in your relationship.
It’s proven through consistency and showing each other reassurance without it feeling like a finite resource.
A part of trust is also not making assumptions on the other person’s character and instead, asking for clarification if needed.
It’s what keeps jealousy and suspicions at bay, and requires a healthy sense of self-respect in order to maintain.
When done right, it will help you deepen your relationship with yourself.
A mutual respect will honor each other’s individuality, boundaries and opinions.
Sure, a clear sign there is respect is if you can trust each other and communicate without worry.
But it’s also about how the other person treats the other when they’re not present. Including but not limited to how they celebrate you and defend you behind closed and hidden doors.
It’s also demonstrated in the way you and your partner deal with conflict.
Meaning there aren’t any power dynamics and no room for any insults or belittling.
It’s like you both understand your individual worths, and the other simply validates it.
Independence in a relationship is so important!
I’d even go as far as to say that codependency is what dulls the spark in a relationship because you start relying on your partner’s reliance on you to feel connected to them.
A huge sign that your independence is respected in a relationship is if your partner encourages you to try new things.
They will happily accompany you during your side quests through life, but you can always count on them to be there for you when you come home.
There’s no controlling or jealous behaviors to be observed here, meaning they’d never pressure you to fit any standards or gender roles either.
5) The foundation is built on equality
A lot of traditional relationships rely on pre-existing and outdated ideals.
And depending on where you sit, it can lead you to feel oppressed. Almost like you can’t truly be yourself without losing the love of your partner.
Meaning you both get equal say in the future of the relationship, share all the responsibilities of maintaining it, and the love always feels unconditional.
Having your partner see you as an equal also means they don’t use certain differences and social disparities against you.
For example, if one partner makes more money than the other that would never be used to make the other feel inferior.
6) Supportive of each other
Interdependence is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship because it honors your similarities and differences.
So it’s like having your very own cheerleader and coach all in one.
Being supportive of one another means you see each other’s potential and believe in them!
No matter the challenges that come from chasing your ambitions, it’s like they already see you for everything that you wish to be. And are willing to help you see yourself that way.
That also means that your partner will keep you accountable and will expect you to do the same for them.
7) Shared values
Partners that have shared values are a lot more likely to have a relationship that stands the test of time.
I’m talking about having the same core values like family, opinions on finances, and long-term life goals.
So it’s worth it to have a deep conversation with your partner to see where they stand on these things early on to ensure your future selves are compatible as well.
In the grand journey of life, having the same interests might keep the both of you entertained. But if you want to find what will keep you both warm at night, shared goals is where it’s at.
In fact, this creates a foundation for how you can both overcome disagreements together.
8) Healthy conflict resolution skills
While I do agree that not all arguments should lead you to break up with someone, some disagreements reveal a degree of incompatibility.
When you both care and value the same things however, there’s no need to worry about being blindsided by your partner’s perspectives.
Not being aware of this element is what keeps a lot of people in unbalanced relationships.
We’ve all seen one person that takes on the role of being a teacher in their partner’s life. Showing them how to be a decent human being despite both being adults.
When both parties share the same level of empathy and honesty, conflicts are just discussions.
And neither will want to hide from or avoid the problem because they value the integrity of the relationship.
When you are in a healthy relationship, physical intimacy won’t be the sole element that keeps you together.
Instead, it will add to the relationship by offering you both to connect with each other on a deeper level.
And for that to happen, there needs to be a sense of emotional intimacy as well which is where all the other points I talked about come in.
Intimacy is also about being vulnerable about all the things that make you feel unlovable. All the things society has taught you to hate about yourself.
Your failures, fears, hopes, past traumas and whatever else that comes up from late night conversations.
Even if you aren’t quite the believer in these sorts of things, if you ever feel like you and your partner are just 2 souls talking instead of people – I’m just saying, that’s real.
10) Quality time is prioritized
Time is one of the most precious resources.
So a sign that someone truly prioritizes you is if they make time for you.
That means date nights and trying new things together as if you just met and are still in the honeymoon phase.
It’s not just about being physically available either – but emotionally!
Quality time is crucial to talk and share the burdens that have been affecting you both as life happens.
Job updates, friendship updates, soul updates, and whatever else that comes up – it’s staying engaged even if you know that you’re a big part of their life.
11) Healthy boundaries
This speaks on being a clear communicator and all the obvious things we touched on.
But I also think we need to talk more about healthy boundaries as the way you perceive your partner and relationships as a whole.
Like the idea of a serious relationship shouldn’t mean that they are your other half, or the most important person in your life.
Not that they can’t be! But it’s like finding a flower that you really love – will you pick it or let it rest as it is?
Will you allow your partner to grow and become who they are meant to be? Even if that’s not someone you imagined them to become?
So as much as boundaries are about how you honor each other’s individuality, I think it’s also about continuously working on yourself to manage your unrealistic expectations of love.
And both parties continuously put the effort into adjusting so neither are jeopardizing what matters most to them.
It’s the only way you can grow together and adapt to whatever life throws your way.
The harsh reality of relationships is that you can do everything in your power to make it last, but it always comes down to how you both adapt to life.
Sometimes you grow together, and sometimes you grow apart. I think it’s unavoidable and an intrinsic part of any relationship.
So as life sort of humbles you and your expectations for how love should be, having doubts in your life is totally normal.
It’s all about how you deal with them.
And I think sometimes only time will tell if your relationship is “basically perfect.”
But if you’re at a place where you and your partner are totally different people since you’ve met, I think congratulations are in order.
You’ve somehow managed to be perfect while keeping your humanity intact – I guess that’s just what love does.