Natasha Combrink
Has it ever felt like you can’t fit in? Despite your best efforts to be authentic?
You could be attending social gatherings, engaging in conversations, or even share common interests with people, but never feel like you truly belong.
Sound familiar?
Well, the reason could be that your personality is just so different that people don’t get it.
Truly belonging has always seemed out of reach for me. And there are a few things that’s made me feel this way.
Signs, you could say.
So today, I’m sharing them with you.
If you relate to any of these signs, it could be because you’re incredibly unique.
First up…
1) You always feel like overexplaining to help others understand what you mean.
Just like I did now. I could have said, “You always feel like overexplaining.”
Most people would know exactly what I mean by that. But I added the last few words to make sure you really know what I’m saying.
If you relate, you probably have a personality that others just don’t get.
People like us overexplain, hoping those added words will finally bridge the gap between what’s in our heads and what others understand.
It’s tough. And draining.
It can also be frustrating. Sometimes, it might feel like your thoughts and intentions are constantly misunderstood. As though you’re speaking a different language.
Want to know the worse part?
Constant overexplaining leads to a sense of isolation. That’s why…
2) You end up doing most things alone.
Truth is, the people around you not only have trouble understanding your words but the things you’re interested in too.
Have you ever organized a get-together or suggested an activity, and people had no
interest in participating?
Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about.
It’s disheartening, really.
So, you end up doing the things you like most alone. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But it would be nice to have some company once in a while, you know?
And speaking of company, it can also often feel like…
3) You’re the one who has to initiate conversations.
Don’t get me wrong. You could genuinely enjoy connecting with people and hearing their stories.
But sometimes, it might feel one-sided.
This could be a sign that people don’t get your personality. The reason?
Well, people who get you will know how to approach you. It’s that simple!
It’s nice when others open a conversation with something you’re interested in for a change.
Like the night of my birthday party.
We have a big family. And we like to invite everyone. But only a few really know me.
I made the rounds, individually chatting with them all for a while. General, small talk kinda things because my interests are just way different than theirs.
By the time I got to Madeline, my brain was pretty fried.
Then, she initiated a chat about own-race bias.
Honestly, I was shocked. I think I actually stumbled over my words. I never expected someone in my family group to bring up this topic.
It’s so me. And so not them!
It felt great to know that Madeline was genuinely trying to have a convo with me about something I was interested in.
Because the truth is, even when some people try to initiate conversations…
4) You’re rarely able to continue topics others bring up.
Or they die down when you try to.
It’s like you unintentionally hit the mute button on the conversation.
You could share your thoughts and ideas, and then…silence.
It might be something about you. It might be that people simply don’t know how to respond. Either way, it probably makes you feel a little left out.
When people get your personality, conversations flow naturally.
So, if people struggle to vibe with you, you may also notice that…
5) Conversations go silent when you enter the room.
You know those moments when you walk over to a group, and suddenly, the conversations seem to fade away?
It’s as if the energy shifts and everyone becomes slightly more reserved or cautious.
I’ve noticed this happening quite often. And between you and me, it’s unsettling.
I can’t help but wonder if it’s something I’m doing or just a coincidence.
Some would say it is.
Regardless, it can leave you feeling like an outsider.
And can also make…
6) You wonder if people don’t like you or are intimidated by you.
It’s a puzzling feeling. I get it. And there’s no way to admit this without sounding a little egotistic.
Sometimes it can feel like there’s a barrier preventing others from getting closer or genuinely connecting with you.
Take this crazy thought in my head as an example:
School pickup means I have to get out of my car and walk by all the other parents to fetch our daughter.
I greet or smile at everyone – it’s just how I am.
However, people rarely do this back. And I know it could be for a hundred other reasons, but I always wonder if the problem is me.
Do they feel intimidated? Like you would if a senior in your office looked your way.
Or do they think I’m this weirdo who’s desperately looking for friends, and they sure as hell ain’t gonna be one?
People’s perceptions can be complex. I know this. And it’s important to remember that there are various factors at play.
But I wish I could know what’s going on in their minds.
If you…
- Have moments where you feel like this too.
- Struggle to find your place in social interactions.
- Had your fair share of awkward silences.
…welcome to the “people don’t get me” personality club!
7) You get generic gifts.
Does it feel like you always receive gifts that feel… well, generic? Those that lack personalization or thoughtfulness?
I know. I know.
It’s not about the material value but rather the sentiment behind the gesture.
But, it’s nice to get something that makes you feel like the person giving it tried to get your personality.
I’ve received many gifts that made me feel like the person who got them for me has no idea who I am.
And if that’s the case, I don’t want them wasting their money or time getting me something just for the sake of it.
Even a gift card could be special with a truly personalized note. Gifts don’t have to have a deep meaning.
It’s just nice knowing your gift wasn’t a last-minute pick from someone’s re-gifting drawer.
8) You rarely get invited.
Another sign that people don’t get your personality is not being invited. You might argue that you like your own company, but it can still make you feel overlooked.
You could see family or acquaintances gathering together, having a great time, and wonder why you weren’t included.
And it doesn’t only apply to social events.
For example:
One Christmas, my sisters- and mother-in-law got all the children personalized gift packets with treats and toys. I wasn’t included and ended up being the only aunt who got them nothing.
I was hurt because we all agreed that each set of parents would only buy gifts for their own children.
We’re generally not big on giving gifts, but it would have been nice if they asked me if I wanted to contribute.
Not getting invited or included can make you question if there’s something about you that doesn’t quite fit in. Or if people just forget about you when it comes to these things.
It’s a lonely feeling.
9) It feels like everything you do constantly gets questioned.
Does it ever feel like you can’t catch a break? Like everything you do is scrutinized under a microscope? And questioned?
If people cast doubt or challenge every choice you make or the things you decide to do, it’s a sign that your personality is so unique they don’t understand it.
I know how tiring it can be.
You might even second-guess yourself or wonder if you’ll ever find a sense of acceptance.
The constant judgment. The constant questioning. It would make anyone go a little mad!
No matter how hard you try, it can feel like you’ll never fit in.
And I know standing out is preached nowadays. But having a community is also important.
You know, those people who see beyond the surface and understand why you are the way you are.
I get it.
And look, it might not feel this way, but I genuinely believe they’re out there – a village for everyone!
You might have to search a little harder and wider, but there are people who’ll value your personality. People who’ll make sure you know you belong.
Honestly, the world is so diverse and filled with countless people who feel like you do.
Each with a unique background and interests.
It’s natural to feel like you don’t fit in or belong in certain environments. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a place you can call home.
Discover, explore, and seek out like-minded people. You belong!
