8 signs your partner is “the one”, according to psychology

Wouldn’t it be amazing to have a crystal ball that could tell us if our new partner was “the one?”

Think of how much time and energy we wouldn’t waste on people who weren’t right for us!

Unfortunately, a crystal ball like this doesn’t (yet) exist.

But that doesn’t mean we can never know if we’ve met our soulmate.

According to psychology, various signs confirm we’ve met “the one.” And as someone who firmly believes I’m with my soulmate, I agree with them all.

So, if you relate to the following eight signs, your inkling that your partner is “the one” is likely right!

1) You can be completely yourself

One of the biggest signs you’ve met “the one” is when you can fully let your guard down. 

You don’t feel like you have to put on an act or be someone you’re not. Instead, they encourage you to be yourself and adore your uniqueness.

“The one” accepts us for who we are, warts and all, and doesn’t try to change us. And they certainly don’t judge us or play on our insecurities. 

You can be yourself because you feel safe and comfortable in their presence, which leads me to the following sign…

2) You feel secure and at ease with them

“The one” feels safe and secure, not dangerous and chaotic.

Many people falsely believe that love should always feel exciting and passionate. But actually, that’s lust, not love.

True love has a calm and peaceful energy, not one where you’re always fleeting between intense passion and fiery arguments. 

“The one” doesn’t constantly do things that leave you panicked, anxious, and stressed. 

They don’t cancel on you last minute, leave you hanging, or ghost you for days for no reason. They also don’t pick fights with you over every little thing.

Instead, the relationship oozes calm, making you feel safe and secure in their presence.

3) You share the same values

There is a big difference between interests and values. Interests are the things we like to do in our free time. Values are our principles or standards of behavior.

Many people measure their compatibility with their partner based on shared interests. They say things like…

“We both love horror movies and Indian food; we must be soulmates.”

However, it’s not shared interests that we should seek but shared values.

For example, what good is someone who likes the same food as us if they value their career over everything, but we value family as the highest?

Relationships that work out in the long term do so because both partners share the same core values. 

As physician and clinical mental health writer Kristen Fuller, M.D. says…

“Having compatible core values will arm you with the strength to navigate these hurdles together. Shared interests, chemistry, and the attraction will fade and maybe come again, but core values will always be there.”

Sharing the same core values is also why you’ll notice the following sign…

4) You have deep conversations

The one is often referred to as our soul mate as it’s the person we connect with the most on a soul level.

Therefore, if your partner is the one, you’ll likely talk to them about things you do with no one else. 

You’ll discuss things like:

  • The meaning of life
  • Your childhood
  • Your deepest fears 
  • Your biggest dreams

You’ll likely also tell them your deepest secrets and things about yourself that you’ve never told anyone else.

Feeling like you can talk to your partner about anything is a clear sign that they’re the one!

signs you have a loyal and faithful husband 8 signs your partner is “the one”, according to psychology

5) You both have separate identities outside the relationship

Another misconception is that you become consumed with each other when you meet “the one.”

But this is actually a sign of an unhealthy attachment pattern or insecurity in your relationship.

According to psychologist and therapist Lauren Cook, when we meet ‘the one,’ we maintain a healthy sense of independence.

It all comes back to the sense of security mentioned earlier.

When we’re with the one, we are not constantly worried and anxious that they will find someone better and leave us. This anxiety and insecurity is what causes neediness. 

Just think about your most insecure friends and how they act with their partners…

  • They want to do everything together
  • They get super anxious if their partner has to go away
  • They act like they cannot do basic tasks alone, like grocery shopping

This is not something you will see among two soulmates.

Soulmates have a bond that is so strong and unbreakable that they have no issue maintaining separate identities outside the relationship.

They have their seperate hobbies and interests and frequently spend time apart pursuing them. And doing so does NOT threaten the relationship at all.

Another thing that doesn’t threaten your relationship when you’re with “the one” is conflict…

6) Conflict makes your relationship stronger, not weaker

Conflict is inevitable in all relationships, including with your soulmate.

However…

How you’ll approach conflict with “the one” will differ significantly from how you did with all your past partners.

Rather than letting arguments weaken your bond, you proactively work through them, strengthening your relationship

One thing you’ll notice you’re more willing to do with “the one” is make sacrifices.

You no longer only think about yourself, but you consider your partner’s happiness too because their happiness contributes to your own.

So, rather than feeling like you’re giving in and letting your partner get what you want, you’ll see it as an act of compromise.

Because while you sometimes make sacrifices for them, they will do the same for you, creating a healthy and balanced relationship dynamic. 

This is known as ‘commitment signals’ in psychology,

A 2015 study from Kobe University in Japan found that when partners were unwilling to sacrifice, the relationship was much less likely to go the distance.

Still, when you’ve found “the one,” you’ll not only be more willing to compromise, but also less likely to give up and call it quits…

7) You’re willing to fight for the relationship

When our partner is NOT the one, we may think about throwing in the towel whenever the going gets tough.

This is not true when we’ve found our soulmate.

When I think back to all my past relationships, I remember how, after every big argument, I would seriously consider breaking up.

But that is something I’ve never done with my current partner. With him, arguments are not reasons why the relationship won’t work or excuses to give up.

Instead, they are just inevitable lows on the rollercoaster of love. 

With the one, we approach conflict as challenges to overcome, not as impossible roadblocks. This is because when we’ve found the one, we have total faith that what we have is special and worth fighting for.

So that’s exactly what we do!

Research psychologist Luis Rubén de Borbón agrees. 

He says that a willingness to fight for your relationship is one of the most prominent signs that you have found “the one” and is more telling than how compatible you look on paper.

8) You don’t feel the need to show off to others

Do you know those couples that are constantly showing off on social media?

They are NOT soulmates.

According to this British study, couples who never share photos on social media are happiest.

Just 10% of those who posted couples photos ranked their relationship as ‘very happy.’ 

Meanwhile, almost half (46%) of couples who didn’t post photos together online rated their relationship as ‘very happy.’ 

This is something I’ve observed too. The happiest couples I know (and those who have been together the longest) rarely post couple photos.

The reason behind this is to do with security. People who feel secure in their relationship feel no need to plaster it online.

But those who feel insecure or worry that their partner will leave them post excessively to compensate.

So if you and your boo rarely post selfies together, this is an excellent sign that they are “the one.”

Final thoughts

While these are all valid signs that you’ve found the one, I believe one of the most confirming signals is the feeling you get.

Meeting my soulmate felt completely different from everyone I had met in the past. 

From the start, the relationship has a sense of ease and security. Unlike with my exes, I never felt anxious, self-conscious, or like I had to prove myself.

Instead, I immediately felt accepted for who I was because being with him felt as comfortable and normal as being with myself. 

Picture of Gemma Clarke

Gemma Clarke

I am a certified yoga and mindfulness teacher and an experienced content writer in the spirituality and personal growth space. I’m passionate about sharing my expertise through the power of words to inspire and guide others along the path of personal and spiritual development.

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