7 signs your partner doesn’t love you like they once did, according to psychology

I know just how painful it is when your partner no longer loves you with the same kind of enthusiasm as before.

I’ve been there. I see your struggle.

While the first few months or even years of your relationship have been great, you’ve recently felt like your partner has just sort of… lost interest.

And no matter how much you try to pull them back to you, they just withdraw more and more. Day by day, the connection you once built together is falling apart.

Or perhaps not. Perhaps this is all just a big misunderstanding.

How can you tell your partner doesn’t love you like they once did?

Together, let’s go over a list of 7 crucial signs.

1) They don’t seem interested in your life anymore

Let’s start off with the most important sign of all: your partner no longer acts like your friend.

You may peacefully live together, you might have your household tasks divided in a way that suits you both, and your sex life might be perfectly fine.

But if your significant other – the one person who’s supposed to walk through life with you and know you best – isn’t all that interested in having interesting conversations with you, asking you about your day, and hearing your opinions, what’s the point?

Moreover, what does that say about their love for you?

I’ll let that one sink in.

Yeah. It’s an issue, isn’t it?

If you’re trying to determine whether your partner takes an interest in you, ask yourself how often they pose questions that have nothing to do with them and everything to do with you.

After all, psychologists say that asking questions is a key feature of a relationship. It builds intimacy, shows interest, and strengthens a sense of friendship.

A simple “How was your day?” followed by active listening can go a long way.

When my ex-partner no longer cared about my everyday life, I knew something had shifted between us.

2) Their displays of appreciation are effectively gone

According to experts, gratitude could very well help your relationship last. In fact, studies show that couples who express gratitude to each other have more resilient relationships.

This makes sense when you think about it. After all, positive reinforcement is a real thing. If someone tells you they appreciate just how much of an amazing partner you are, you feel motivated to keep repeating the same positive patterns.

Not to mention it makes you feel like your love isn’t being taken for granted.

Really, that’s where the crux of the problem is when it comes to relationships that are slowly deteriorating.

If your significant other no longer shows you appreciation and gratitude, you might feel like they don’t value all the effort you pour into the relationship, and as a result, resentment and bitterness set in.

Over time, they build up. Until one day, you simply can’t take it anymore.

I know what it’s like. And trust me when I say that you absolutely do deserve someone who cherishes all the love you have to give.

3) They don’t actively try to spend quality time with you

Watching a movie together is fun, but it’s not really quality time.

Working on your own stuff in quiet company is wonderful, but again, it doesn’t count as quality time.

Hanging out in a group helps you bond for sure, but… yep, you know what I’m about to say.

Psychologists describe quality time as a space that allows two people to give each other undivided attention. In other words, your partner is your sole focus, be it through having a conversation, doing a fun activity together, or playing a board game.

Of course, going on a date is the perfect opportunity for this.

Except your partner hasn’t initiated a date in what feels like ages. When you think about it, they don’t really take you out at all.

They might go with the flow when you’re the one who suggests something, but when you leave things up to them, nothing ever ends up happening.

There is simply no real effort from their side.

That’s how you know they don’t love you like they once did.

4) They don’t keep their word

People who struggle to set boundaries in relationships often display these behaviors 7 signs your partner doesn’t love you like they once did, according to psychology

“Reliability conveys predictability and safety. Safety is a core human need,” says psychologist George S. Everly, Jr. “Reliability is the glue that seals successful relationships.”

The important word here is safety. Safety is kind of the prerequisite for a healthy romantic relationship because these are the kinds of relationships that make us feel most vulnerable, open old unhealed wounds, and trigger our deepest insecurities.

And an important part of feeling safe around your partner is the certainty that you can count on them.

This ranges from huge things, such as not forgetting your birthday, to smaller preferences like picking you up on time.

Whatever it is, your significant other ought to try their best to prove themselves to be reliable, keep their word, and be true to their promises.

If they continually let you down – even after you’ve brought up the issue and tried to solve it – it’s yet another sign they no longer love you with the same kind of intensity they once did.

It means they aren’t willing to try hard enough for you.

5) They have shut themselves in an emotional safe

… and they haven’t told you the code.

You might try different combinations until your hand cramps, you might try to drill the safe, you might bang against it in frustration, but the end result is the same: your partner no longer welcomes you in their inner emotional world.

And that’s a huge deal.

After all, vulnerability is a crucial part of any romantic relationship. Your partner ought to view you as their number one confidant; they ought to come to you when they’re struggling, ask you for help, and celebrate their accomplishments with you.

If you’ve noticed that your significant other prefers to do all of this with their friends rather than you, it most likely means something’s wrong.

This isn’t to say a romantic partner should be the only person we confide in, of course. Our close friends are just as important.

However, you should be somewhere at the top of the list. If you feel like you’ve dropped all the way to the bottom, it signals your partner may have unconsciously shut you out because their heart is no longer in it.

6) They don’t put in effort to celebrate your accomplishments

Not celebrating their achievements with you is one thing, but putting in the bare minimum to celebrate your own accomplishments is another story entirely.

I know what I’m talking about. When I passed one of the most important milestones in my life, my ex went to the pub with his friends. It didn’t occur to him to cancel and celebrate with me instead.

Someone who genuinely loves you and cares about you will put in effort to show you just how much they’re proud of you.

And you won’t have to ask. They’ll just do it because they’ll want to commemorate such a special occasion. They’ll do it because they’ll want to celebrate you and your success.

There is a difference between someone who says “Congratulations!” and someone who takes you out to dinner and makes the whole evening about you.

The first is the bare minimum. The latter is true effort.

7) They are with you because it’s comfortable, not because it’s fulfilling

Look, all relationships fall into a rut sometimes. That’s to be expected. Life gets busy, and sometimes, a romantic relationship takes a backseat.

But a partner who truly loves you isn’t going to settle for that long-term.

They will seek out your company because they find it fulfilling to spend time with you. They will show up for you when you reach another milestone or when you’re feeling down. They will keep their word, tell you just how much you mean to them, and most of all, they will act like your best friend.

Because that’s what a romantic partner ought to be deep down. Sexual attraction may fluctuate, but friendship is what grows in strength over time.

And if your partner doesn’t really meet the necessary friendship requirements – for example, taking an actual interest in what’s going on with your life – it’s a glowing sign they don’t love you like they once did.

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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