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15 signs your husband is an asshole (the only list you’ll need!)

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Do you want to find out the truth about your husband’s behavior?

Not long ago, you thought he was the type of man who would change diapers and still be attentive to your needs. But after a while, he started acting like a total asshole.

Do you think you were wrong about him or do you blame yourself?

To make sure you don’t blame yourself, here are the 15 signs that your husband is, indeed, an asshole:

1) He is calling you names

The first sign your husband is an asshole is if he’s calling you names.

Name-calling is unbelievably immature and low-class. It’s also emotionally damaging. When someone is ridiculing you, they’re putting you down and making themselves feel better at the same time.

If your partner is relentlessly trying to make you feel bad with insults or other verbal abuse, it’s a sign he doesn’t have any respect for who you are as an individual – and even if he does, it says something about his overall character.

Even if you do something wrong, he’s still not supposed to call you names unless he’s an asshole, of course.

2) Your husband doesn’t help you

Another sign your husband is an asshole? He doesn’t do anything to help you.

Whether it’s that he doesn’t clean up around the house, has no interest in taking out the trash, or doesn’t bother to lift a finger when you’re feeling sick, it’s a major insult.

That’s because a good partner knows how to take care of the people they care about.

There’s a difference between him just sitting around watching a football game while you’re scrubbing the toilet and choosing to do something else when you are sick.

A real man will help out even if it means he has to put his own plans on hold. An asshole, on the other hand, may actually value his own comfort more than his partner’s well-being.

3) He makes you feel bad about yourself

Is your spouse always telling you that you can’t do things, that you’re not good enough, or that something is wrong with you?

If so, he’s being an asshole.

It’s no secret that we’ve all had moments in our lives where we felt like a screw-up.

But, there is a huge difference between being assertive and making a fair point and just being downright negative.

When your husband constantly criticizes you instead of supporting you, he’s trampling over your delicate ego. And while it may seem like nothing, those constant put-downs can really damage the self-esteem of the person on the receiving end.

So, don’t take this sign lightly!

4) Your husband doesn’t protect you anymore

Men are meant to hunt and women are meant to be protected. It’s a fact that’s been around since the caveman days.

While it may no longer be applicable these days, men still have a protective instinct – and when it’s not there, you should worry about that.

In today’s world, women can protect themselves remarkably well.

But both the emotional support and physical protection from their husbands still count for something. When those things are no longer present in your marriage, it could be because your husband has turned into an asshole.

There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the ‘hero instinct’.

This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.

I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.

The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives. This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When a man genuinely feels like your everyday hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and fully committed to you. In addition, he won’t be an asshole!

But how do you trigger this instinct in your husband?

The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say and messages you can send to trigger this natural biological instinct.

If you want some help doing this, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here.

I don’t often recommend videos or buy into popular new concepts in psychology, but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts I’ve come across.

Here’s a link to his unique video again.

5) He is trying to manipulate you day and night

Another sign your husband is an asshole? He is trying to manipulate you day and night.

Manipulation is one of the cruelest behaviors. It’s also a form of abuse.

However, you might not recognize it as such at first because your husband is very subtle about it.

Manipulation takes different forms – written, emotional, or verbal – but they’re all aimed at getting you to do what your husband wants.

He may try to guilt-trip you or make you feel bad about yourself because he wants something from you.

In addition, a manipulative man will usually deny that he’s doing any of these things. Do you know why?

Because he’s an asshole!

6) Your husband doesn’t care about your opinion

No one likes to be disrespected by their partner: everyone wants to be listened to and taken seriously.

In addition, everyone needs someone who will respect their opinion, especially their spouse.

But what if you don’t feel heard? Or your husband refuses to listen at all?

That’s a sign your husband doesn’t respect you – and you deserve to be heard.

For example, if he does something although he knows it bothers you, it doesn’t only mean that he’s an asshole, but also that he doesn’t care about your feelings.

7) He disrespects you in front of other people

One of the worst things a husband can do is disrespect his wife in front of other people.

Whether it’s insulting her, embarrassing her, or doing something physically violent in public, it’s a sign that he doesn’t respect her and treats her like garbage.

This is also what an asshole husband would do. He wouldn’t care about the fact that you are in public and all people can see this; he would just go ahead and give you a piece of his mind.

In addition, he probably wouldn’t even apologize to you afterward and just continued on as if nothing had happened.

8) Is your marriage in a rut?

If so, let me tell you:

I’ve been there, and I know how it feels.

When I was at the worst point in my marriage, I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.

I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.

But surprisingly, I got very in-depth, specific, and practical advice about addressing the problems in my marriage. This included real solutions to improving many things that my husband and I had been struggling with for years.

Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me and helped me understand his behavior.

Relationship Hero is an industry leader in relationship advice for a reason.

They provide solutions, not just talk.

In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

9) Your husband doesn’t let you make your own decisions

A good husband is also a good teacher and he’ll teach his wife how to be strong and independent.

He’ll give her the tools she needs to be successful, but at the same time, he won’t forget to protect her and help her out when she needs it.

However, a bad husband is going to try to treat his wife as if she’s still in high school.

He will try to control her, tell her what she can and can’t do, and refuse to let her make any decisions on her own.

So, another sign your husband is an asshole? He’s trying to control you.

10) He keeps his phone glued to his hand

To figure out if your husband is an asshole and up to no good, ask yourself these questions:

  • Is he constantly on his phone messaging god knows who?
  • Do you have access to his phone?
  • Is his phone password protected?
  • Is he constantly following new women on social media?
  • Is he always checking his phone to see who’s been messaging him?
  • Does he keep his phone close to him at all times?

If you answered yes to these questions, then things aren’t looking good.

He’s perhaps trying to hide something from you, and it could be a sign that he is cheating on you.

11) He always argues with you

Do you have a feeling that your husband purposely picks up fights with you?

If so, he might be an asshole!

Fighting is the last thing a couple wants in their relationship. Still, it happens to everyone from time to time, and when it does, the goal is to resolve the issue as soon as possible.

But that can prove very hard to do because your husband won’t apologize for anything. Not to mention that he keeps making excuses for everything instead of admitting he was wrong.

Here’s the thing: Your husband doesn’t know how to be honest and straightforward; he only knows how to manipulate you.

12) Your husband is constantly yelling at you

The way your husband treats you when you’re arguing can be a huge red flag for the future.

If he yells at you, makes fun of you, or belittles your feelings, there’s a chance that this behavior will spread and negatively affect all other aspects of your relationship.

When someone yells, they show their anger. But, they might also try to intimidate the other person or act like they’re the victim.

You see, your husband acts as if he’s superior simply because he’s an asshole.

This relates back to what I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

When a man is made to feel needed, wanted, and respected, he’s more likely to act as the opposite of an asshole. Also, he’s more likely to stop yelling at you and pick up fights with you for no good reason. And it’s as simple as knowing the right things to say to trigger his hero instinct and make him into the man he’s always wanted to be.

All of that and more is revealed in this excellent free video by James Bauer. It’s absolutely worth checking out if you’re ready to take things to the next level with your husband.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

13) He compliments other women but not you

Want to know another sign he’s an asshole? Your husband doesn’t pay you compliments.

A good husband will always remind his wife how beautiful she is, how amazing she is, and how he loves her so much it scares him. He’ll tell you that you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever met, which is quite a compliment!

But a bad husband would compliment other women every once in a while, but not his own wife.

In addition, to make things even worse, he might also imply that he doesn’t like you. Or, he might even say something hurtful about your looks.

The reason? He doesn’t respect you.

14) Your husband is rude to your family

Look, boundaries are very important in a relationship. No matter if it’s family or friends, it’s always inappropriate to be rude to them.

So, if your husband often acts rude to your family, it’s quite a bad sign. It means he doesn’t respect you, and your family has nothing to do with the way he treats them.

When he acts like this, he’s only thinking about himself – and can probably be quite a narcissist.

Make no mistake, though: your husband is an asshole, not a narcissist. Even they (narcissists) understand that family is important and that it’s disrespectful to treat them this way.

15) He doesn’t take you out or buy you anything

A good husband always takes his wife out to dinner and buys her some presents.

This is how he shows her that he loves her, and if he doesn’t do this for you, then perhaps it’s a sign that he doesn’t truly care about you.

He also should be taking out his wife at least once a week to do something special; it’s the best way to feel like a couple instead of two strangers living under the same roof.

Also, if your husband doesn’t buy you any presents for your birthday or other occasions, take it as a sign that he’s an asshole.

However, this sign is valid only in case your husband can afford to take you out or buy nice things for you.

How do you know you are in a toxic marriage?

Look, if your husband is an asshole, chances are you are in a toxic marriage. However, if you’re still not convinced, you can find a few guidelines below. But first,

What is a toxic marriage?

A toxic marriage is simply defined as a marriage where the couple is constantly fighting with each other and also has a very negative effect on one another.

While this may seem like a very simple definition, toxic marriages are not always easy to understand.

Why? Because toxic marriages are usually a result of bad communication, lack of trust, and a lot of stress. Sadly, all these things cloud our judgment.

What makes your marriage toxic?

Here’s a list of things that a toxic marriage consists of:

  • You always feel bad and are afraid to do anything.
  • Your husband isn’t apologetic or empathetic.
  • You feel like you have to walk on eggshells in order to not make him angry.
  • Your husband doesn’t seem to care about your feelings or how you are doing. In fact, he probably doesn’t even notice that you’re upset.
  • Your husband is jealous of your family and friends.
  • You feel like you’re always giving in, but never getting anything back.
  • You’ve been trying to talk to your husband about these issues for a long time but haven’t seen any improvement. If anything, he makes the situation even worse!
  • You keep opening up to your friends but don’t share this information with your husband because you fear that he would never be able to fix the situation.
  • Your husband hasn’t been very loving lately, and you wonder if this is just who he is or if this is an indication that something’s wrong.

Keep in mind: the above signs your marriage is toxic are subjective and may vary depending on the couple and their individual situation.

What do you do when you feel disrespected in a marriage?

Your husband is obviously disrespecting you. You don’t know what you did to deserve this, and it hurts you a lot.

The thing is, you want to do something about it. You want your husband to treat you nicer, but he refuses to listen or refuses to change. He doesn’t even apologize for the way he treats you.

These cases can get very frustrating because you want your marriage to be working but aren’t sure how to improve it.

So, what can you do?

Talk about it – The best thing you can do is talk about your feelings with your husband. Let him know what’s going on and try to see if he’s willing to listen.

Don’t be mean or insulting; tell him everything you have in mind, but tell him nicely and calmly. If he refuses to listen, then you know he doesn’t care.

Stay positive – Think about how important your marriage is to you. Work on loving each other and keeping this situation as positive as possible.

This means that you need to keep the lines of communication open and don’t give up on your relationship.

Get professional help –  If your negative feelings grow into something more, get professional help. You can consult with a relationship coach, talk to a psychic about your situation, or even go to therapy.

Don’t be afraid to open up and ask for help. Remember, your husband is only a person, not your entire life!

Understand that you don’t deserve this – You love your husband and you’re doing everything you can to make this marriage work; however, he isn’t helping you at all.

You have to understand that you don’t deserve to be treated like this.

Don’t blame yourself – If your husband has been treating you badly, the only one to blame is him. Don’t try to turn your emotions into self-blame.

It’s easy to feel like you’ve done something wrong when your husband treats you badly; it’s easy to believe that there must be something wrong with you and that you deserve this treatment.

However, know that this isn’t true. You don’t deserve this, ever! Don’t let yourself become a doormat.

Your husband is an asshole. What next?

By now you should have a good idea of whether your husband is an asshole. If he is, I know a way to resolve this.

How? Well, I mentioned the unique concept of the hero instinct earlier. It’s revolutionized the way I understand how men work in marriages.

You see, when you trigger a man’s hero instinct, all those emotional walls come down. He feels better in himself and he’ll naturally begin to associate those good feelings with you. And, most importantly, he doesn’t feel the need to be an asshole anymore.

And it’s all down to knowing how to trigger these innate drivers that motivate men to love, commit, and protect.

So if you’re ready to take your marriage to that level, be sure to check out James Bauer’s incredible advice.

Click here to watch his excellent free video.

Written by Daniela Duca Damian

I’m Daniela, a passionate writer with an academic background in journalism. My work is based on research and facts. In recent years I have focused on the study of interpersonal relationships, analyzing, and writing about aspects related to social connections, romantic relationships, but also personal development. My goal is to decipher the most confusing concepts so that anyone who is interested in living a better and fulfilled life can apply them. When I’m not writing, I challenge my friends with meaningful questions about life.

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