9 undeniable signs your ex never wanted to break up with you (and how to respond)

Did you recently get dumped, but you’re unsure if it was a break-up or a relationship reset?

How do you know if your ex wanted to break up with you, or if they wanted to take some time apart?

I’ve got 9 tell-tale signs that signal that your ex never wanted to break up with you and what steps to take next.

1) They are constantly checking up on you

The truth is:

Love is not only about the halcyon days that you spent together. It’s about the struggles and pain that you endure together as well.

Your ex never wanted to break up with you if they’re still checking up on you, worrying about your welfare, and making sure you’re happy.

For example, your ex might:

– Call you often to see how work is going and how you’re feeling.

– Stop by your place to see how you’re doing after a bad day.

Text you and ask how your weekend went or check up on you to see if anything exciting happened.

If they are still doing these things, then they still care greatly about you and want to pursue a relationship with you.

2) They show up out of nowhere and come bearing gifts of apology

Have you ever found a gift of apology on your doorstep?

It’s usually something simple, but it has a great symbolic meaning behind it. A small token of apology can make you feel loved, appreciated, and comforted.

When your ex leaves you a gift to apologize for hurting you, it is one of the biggest signs that they never wanted to break up with you.

But wait, there’s more!

They even show up and offer to do things that they promised to do when you were together. These places are usually places that have special memories for both of you, like the place they proposed to you or a favorite vacation spot.

3) They don’t take the break-up seriously

Even when your ex tells you that they want to break up, up, or take a break, it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the relationship.

When a person is making threats about breaking up (or taking a break), this is their way of expressing how frustrated they are with the relationship. It’s like a last-ditch effort to make you change your ways.

Your ex wants to make sure that you change for the better because they don’t want to really leave you.

So if your ex shows signs that they don’t take your break-up seriously, then there is still hope for you.

These signs could be as simple as:

– A sign that they’re still checking up on you and making sure you’re okay.

– A sudden change of attitude when it comes to working out your problems together.

– Not taking their break seriously, especially if they are asking you to do things that they promised to do in the relationship.

– A sudden and unexplained drop off in communication. They’ve stopped initiating a conversation, not returning your texts, or not answering your calls.

4) They are not interested in anyone but you

Trust me, if your ex really wants to break up with you, then they wouldn’t care about what’s going on in your life.


When a person is fed up with the relationship, all they can think about is getting far away from that person and getting on with their own life.

But when your ex is not interested in anyone else but you, it means that they’re still in love with you.

For example, they won’t be:

– Out with their friends as often.

– As excited about other activities as they used to be.

– Staying home and wanting to hang out with you instead of going out with other people.

In a word: They want you nearby so they can check up on you and keep in touch easily.

5) They are unexpectedly jealous

Maybe you’ve been dating other people, but your ex hasn’t. Maybe you moved on with someone else. Maybe you found your true soul mate and are living together.

Whatever the case may be, when your ex suddenly starts feeling jealous of people in your life, it’s a sign that they still have feelings for you.

When someone has feelings for another person, they usually get jealous when that person appears to be doing well or is happy with other people.

It gets worse if your ex starts making hurtful comments.

For instance, they might accuse you of cheating, ask you if you still love them, ask if you’ve found someone better, or start making negative comments about other people in your life.

6) They are obsessively interested in your new partner

As I’ve mentioned above, when someone is obsessed with you or your new partner, it’s a strong sign that they still have feelings for you.

In fact, some people will even attempt to spy on you or stalk your new partner by going through your personal information.

If this sounds familiar to you, then there’s a good chance that your ex is still in love with you.

7) Their behavior is out of character

One of the signs that your ex never wanted to break up with you is if they start acting totally out of character towards you.

This is also known as “acting weird”.

You know that something is wrong when your ex starts doing things that seem totally inconsistent with the way they used to act towards you. For example:

– They start becoming clingy and creepy, even though they’ve never been like that before.

– They start crying a lot or getting emotional. They’ve been dry and stoic up till now and they haven’t shown much emotion towards you in the past.

– He/She starts being very critical of you, even if they’ve always thought you were awesome.

– They become suspicious of everything around you, including your friends and family members. Their suspicions will soon turn into accusations.

This is especially true if they keep doing this in front of you, someone else, or other people that you know.

8) They are constantly seeking signs of affection

Whether the signs of affection are subtle or blatant, your ex will keep looking for signs that you still have feelings for them.

This is when a person starts following you around or asking questions to see if they can use your feelings against you.

You can easily spot this behavior by looking out for:

Constant flirting.

– Touching you in public (ex: grabbing you in the middle of a crowded mall, when nobody else is around).

– Double dating.

– Driving close behind you to see if you turn around and look at them (or vice versa)

– Repeatedly asking if you love them or still have feelings for them. This will eventually turn into jealousy.

9) They never speak badly of you

If your ex says anything bad about you to others, or they don’t want to talk about you, then there’s a good chance that they wanted to break up with you all along.

However, if your ex is constantly singing praises about you in front of all their friends and family members, this is a strong sign that they still have feelings for you.


Because when a person really loves another person, they can’t help but talk about that person. The thought of them will linger in their minds all day long, and they’ll have a lot to talk about when they come home from work or school.

Keep in mind that the amount of time it takes for your ex to return to you depends on the amount of time that your relationship has lasted. For example:

– A person who’s been in a relationship with you for a long time (ex: 2 yrs) won’t feel comfortable coming back to you as quickly as someone who has only just started dating.

– The more serious and committed the relationship was, the longer it will take for the other person to consider coming back to you.

Regardless of how your ex feels about you, if you really want them back in your life, then it’s essential that you approach them properly.

How to respond when your ex wants you back

Now that you know what you should look for, it’s time to figure out how you should react when your ex wants you back.

There are 6 primary responses that will work with any person. These are:

1) Question whether they are serious about the break-up

If someone has tried to break up with you but they keep coming back, then they probably aren’t ready to be in a real relationship. Here are some examples of why this might be the case:

– Maybe they don’t want to commit to the relationship yet.

– Maybe they don’t know what they want in life. They’re confused about their career or how many relationships should be in their life.

– They might still be recovering from a previous heartbreak and haven’t even gotten over it yet.

– They might not be ready to share their feelings openly with you or anyone else.

– The relationship might not have lasted long enough for them to fully consider it a break-up.

All of these reasons indicate that the person wasn’t thinking straight at the time. This is why they quickly became attracted to you again, and why they are acting this way now when you are trying to break up with them once and for all.

So the key is to find out if they are serious or not. There are many ways to do this, but it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

That’s what I recently did.

When I was at the worst point in my relationship I reached out to a relationship coach to see if they could give me any answers or insights.

I expected some vague advice about cheering up or being strong.

But surprisingly I got very in-depth, specific, and practical advice about addressing the problems in my relationship. This included real solutions to improving many things that my partner and I had been struggling with for years.

Relationship Hero is where I found this special coach who helped turn things around for me. They are perfectly placed to help you with your relationship too.

Relationship Hero is a hugely popular relationship coaching site because they provide solutions, not just talk.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to check them out.

2) Establish your boundaries

If your ex tries to break up with you and then come back, then you need to make it clear that you’re in charge of your future.

You need to figure out the reasons behind their behavior and make sure they don’t try this again.

So tell them that you won’t tolerate this behavior because it is not how things are going to work in the future.

And by establishing your boundaries, you’ll set your future relationship on the right path, which will be much better than what they are trying to do now.

3) Ask for a commitment

In case you want to get back together with your ex, then you can ask them to commit to the relationship. This will show that you really want it and that you are serious about it.

The reason why this is helpful is that people tend to become attracted to those they are committed to. When they see that you’re committed and they know there is no turning back, they might notice you more and start falling in love with you again.

4) Don’t take it personally

I bet you’re feeling hurt and angry right now as if your ex is behaving in this way because of you.

But no matter what they say, don’t take their behavior personally. Remember that most people don’t know what they want or why they are doing things.

It’s just part of their personality or the way their brain works, so don’t assume you’ve done something wrong or blame yourself for it. They might not be thinking clearly because of other reasons that aren’t necessarily your fault.

5) Put your own needs first

Let’s face it:

If they are trying to come back to you, then they obviously don’t care about your needs.

And that’s why sometimes it’s important to put yourself first.

You need to take charge of the situation and make sure that you’re in a position where you can decide how things are going to work out between you.

And this is going to be possible if you distance yourself from them for a while so that can process some of their emotions and figure out what they want out of life.

6) Demand an explanation

If they don’t care about your feelings, then you can’t expect them to behave the way that you would like them to.

And because of this, it might be helpful to ask for an explanation from them. This will not only make them understand how they’re making you feel but it might also get rid of some of their frustrations as well.

If you’re on a long break-up or looking for a long-term relationship that lasts, then there are other important things worth considering…

When you break up with someone, then you need to consider whether there’s more to a relationship than just getting back together.

If that’s what you want, then consider how long the relationship should last. Going with someone who has moved on already isn’t very wise if you’re looking for a long-term relationship.

And if that’s not what you want then you’ll need to make sure that your new partner walks the same path as yourself.

Final thoughts

We’ve covered 9 signs that your ex might want to get back together with you.

Seeing these signs can help you get a handle on what’s going on in the relationship, but you should never let them make decisions for you.

So don’t be afraid to put yourself first and take charge of what’s happening. Break up with them in case you want and make their life difficult by letting them know how uncomfortable it makes you feel when they try to contact you, no matter how good they are looking.

But if you genuinely want your ex back, you need the help of a professional.

I’ve mentioned Brad Browning throughout this article – he’s the best at helping couples move past their issues and reconnect on a genuine level.

His tried and tested methods won’t just re-spark your ex’s interest in you, but they’ll also help you avoid making the same mistakes you made in the past.

So if you really want a shot at getting back together with your ex for good, check out his excellent free video below.

Here’s the link once again.

Picture of Thảo Anh Nguyễn

Thảo Anh Nguyễn

It is the little daily things that make life worth living and I know how to put you in the right perspective. I write about the intersection of life and love: how spirituality has changed my relationships, what I do to cultivate love in my life, and why I believe that all relationships are spiritual. Meet all your needs for your relationship and pieces of life advice with my articles.

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