21 signs your ex is pretending to be over you

You and your ex broke up months ago, and from the way he acts it feels like he’s gotten over you already.

And of course it stings. Are you really that easy to forget?! But something tells you that he’s just faking it.

In this article, I will give you 21 obvious signs that your ex is pretending to be over you and what you can do about it.

1) He wants to be friends too soon.

It has barely been a week since the two of you broke up, and instead of staying well away from you, he’s here wanting to be friends.

Now, this isn’t a damning sign all by itself. After all, not all breakups have to be necessarily hostile. What is damning though is that he’s also acting like he’s totally over you.

He’s trying to push the idea that you’re TOTALLY just friends.

When this happens, you can bet that he’s still interested in you. It’s his own desperate way to still have you by his side, and he shuts down any insinuation that maybe he still likes you because he’s afraid you might leave him over it.

As far as he’s concerned, he’d rather be your friend than lose you completely.

2) He acts waaay too friendly.

So you’re in contact with your ex. Maybe you agreed during the breakup that you’ll remain friends despite your breakup.

That’s good and all, but now you have a problem. He’s acting way too familiar and friendly!

He touches you when you make a joke. He hugs you tight when you say goodbye. He takes every opportunity he has to hold your hand.

He’s trying to pretend he’s over you but his heart, mind, and body betrays him.

3) He acts like he doesn’t care (but it’s obvious that he does)

Alternatively, let’s say that you both decided that you CAN’T simply be friends again. That it’s simply good for either of you to be near each other.

He’ll try to act chill, and he might even seem convincing. But on a closer look, it’s obvious that he’s anything but.

For instance, if he’s there in person you might notice that his body language gets defensive whenever you’re in trouble.

He’s eager to help, but is staying away to respect your own boundaries. But if you were to reach out to him, he’d be at your side in a heartbeat.

He has his Hero Instinct, and you have been inadvertently activating it.

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. He feels better, loves harder, and commits stronger when he finds someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.

Click here to watch the free video.

4) He tries hard to make you jealous.

He would bring a date to a party if he knows you’re invited too. He would post photos on social media to make him think they’re with someone else.

But he’s just so over-the top with it that it becomes either silly or pathetic, depending on how you feel about him.

It’s clear in his body language.

Maybe you can see it in how he isn’t really having fun with his date and instead checks you out for any reaction.

It might seem scummy, but he’s doing this in hopes of awakening any lingering feelings you might still feel towards him.

5) He becomes besties with your besties.

He wasn’t really that fond of them back in the day. But now that you’re no longer together, that has changed completely.

He’s reaching out to them all of a sudden, trying to befriend them. He might even have gotten so comfortable with them that he has no issues asking them for favors.

So what is happening, exactly?

What he wants is to use your friends as a window into your life—to stay up to date on what you’ve been doing, as well as to get messages across.

If you despise him, or had a bad history with him, then this can be concerning and you might want to warn your friends about it. But if you like him, then you can take advantage of this too.

6) He takes his time getting his things.

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He still likes you deep inside, so he’s going to try to come up with excuses just to see you.

So, instead of taking as much of his belongings from you as fast as he can, he instead takes only a handful each time.

In doing so he makes sure that he has a valid reason to keep dropping by, which means he gets to see you more often. And also, by having his things with you, he hopes that you’ll remember him and what you used to be.

He’ll even try to act as nice as he can, to make sure your every interaction with him is pleasant, hoping that by acting this way he can change your mind.

7) He wants you to get your things.

But of course, if you have stuff that belongs to him, chances are that he also has some of your stuff.

He’s not going to try to bring your things to you, of course. He can already visit your place when he goes there to pick his stuff up.

Instead he’ll try to make you come to him. He might pack up your stuff into a box and then text you to come drop by.

If your breakup was hostile, he’ll be doing this to hide his true motives—that is, he wants to see you one last time.

On the other hand, if your breakup was amicable, he’ll use this opportunity to ask you to watch movies together with him.

8) He acts like he’s living his best life.

They do say that the best revenge is a life lived well.

Your ex decided to take that seriously and show you what you’re missing.

Maybe he used to be a couch potato who could barely be bothered to lift a bag of groceries. But now he’s hitting the gym twice a week.

Or maybe he used to be lazy and unpassionate, but now he’s chasing his dreams and selling paintings and poetry online.

And the thing is that he’ll do his best to make sure you know.

He would share it on social media, and then direct your common friends to his posts. Or maybe he’ll even invite you himself.

He wants you to know that he’s worthy of you, and that he wants to make you regret breaking up with him.

9) He interacts with all your posts on social media.

He’s not going to send you a message, or mention you in his posts. Especially so if there’s a no-contact rule that he’s trying to respect.

But at the same time, he doesn’t want to miss out on whatever is going on with your life. So he’ll continue to follow you on social media, watching your stories on FB and IG.

He would silently scroll your timeline on Twitter and like a few posts here and there when he’s not paying attention.

And besides, staying up to date with whatever it is you’re sharing on social media is harmless, right? After all, those posts are public, right?

That’s what he thinks at least.

10) He’s online when you’re online.

He’s always online when you are, and he always speaks up every time you’re active in group chats. And when you log off, your friends would tell you that he would log off after a few minutes as well.

It almost couldn’t be any more obvious!

He’s just there to make sure he doesn’t miss out on whatever you have to say, and he’s trying to make sure that he continues to exist in your life, even if he has to become that one person you ignore whenever they show up.

Chances are that if it’s the only way he can ever interact with you, he’s just there feeling your presence.

11) He deletes or hides his public photos of you (but not all of them).

He would change his profile picture because it’s weird for you to be there when you’re no longer together. You would see the pictures he uploaded of the two of you disappearing from the internet…except for some.

At a glance, you might think that he’s deleting your photos together but chances are that he kept the most special ones. He doesn’t have the heart to delete them!

Those moments are too important for him to hide, and deep down inside he’s hoping that you’ll call him out for keeping them up.

Most of all, those pictures to him serve as a beacon of hope. As something he can cling on to while he hopes for things between the two of you to get better.

12) He ignores you, but continues to reach out to your family.

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You both thought you’re going to end up together forever, so of course you cannot blame your ex for being close to your friends and family…even after your break up.

And if your breakup had been amicable, it would make sense that he’d continue talking to you and your family on friendly terms.

But on the other hand, if your breakup has been painful and he truly no longer wants to see you anymore, he’ll cut off not just you, but also your family and friends.

So if he continues to reach out to them while refusing to talk to you, then there’s definitely something going on.

It could be that he wants to use your family to convince you to go back to him or give him a second chance. Or maybe he just wants to stay in contact with you, but because he can’t just talk to you, he settles with your family instead.

13) His friends get chatty with you.

Good friends help each other in times of need. That’s for sure.

Sudden changes in attitude can definitely tell you that something’s up. It could be that friends of his would suddenly begin reaching out to you, or maybe those friends of his that already know you will try to get in contact with you more often.

Chances are that your ex is behind it.

He wants to get back together with you, but because he couldn’t approach you himself, is relying on his friends to make you want to get back with him.

Even if your ex makes no attempt to contact you, or to smile when he passes by, chances are that it’s still his doing. After all, why would he give his intentions away?

Pretending he doesn’t care will make you less suspicious of his friends.

14) He hangs out in the same places you do.

It’s not that strange for him to continue visiting your old haunts after the break-up. After all, it could be that they’ve become important to him in ways that go beyond just you.

But there is definitely something strange going on when he starts showing up in places you just started hanging out in.

For example, maybe you found a new coffee shop to relax in after work. And—surprise—you notice him hanging out in that same coffee shop before long.

You get invited into a bar with your friends, and after a few trips… he’s there.

Confront him about it and he’d even try to push the blame on you, saying that YOU are the one stalking him.

Don’t believe any of that, of course. He’s definitely stalking you. Either he’s following your posts on social media to know your new hangouts, or maybe he’s got friends telling him about them.

It’s up to you to decide whether you find this creepy or cute. But one thing is for sure. Your ex isn’t over you.

15) He won’t talk to you but he’s obviously happy to see you.

You just know that if he had a tail, it would be whipping like a whirlwind the moment you enter the room.

But unfortunately, because ex-boyfriends don’t have tails, you’ll have to pay attention to the way his eyes brighten up and how he stands a little straighter when you’re near.

He might act chill, and he might act like he’s totally moved on. After all, how long has it been—a month? A year?

But his body will betray him. Your very presence floods him with happy hormones, and it’ll show in his aura.

16) Their current partner is insecure of you.

Just because he has found someone new doesn’t mean that he’s over you.

In fact, some people get into rebound relationships just to help themselves get over their exes—and it always ends badly.

It’s unfair to his partner. Rebound relationships very rarely work out because the foundation of the relationship is not his love for his partner, but his own desire to stop loving you.

His new partner probably has to endure having to listen to him talk about you, or see him stalking you on Instagram. And the most painful of all is to hear your name leave his lips when they’re making love.

It doesn’t matter if his new partner is the most level-headed person in the world. She would get hurt and insecure about you because she knows that it’s not her that his heart beats for. It’s you.

17) He defends you.

Your ex acts like you’re a thing of the past—no warm hellos or long conversations. Just a quick hi and goodbye.

But when someone tries to put you down, he’s the first one to step forward and defend you.

This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

Men want to feel that they’re heroes.

Men are simple creatures, really. And if you have no way to be together so he can “rescue” you, you can trigger him through text instead.

Triggering your ex’s hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.

You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

18) He laughs harder when you’re around.

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You might not be able to witness it yourself. After all, it’s not like you can hear just how loudly he might laugh if you aren’t there anyways.

But your friends would tell you that he does laugh harder and seems to be happier overall when you’re around.

And when you’re not around, it’s like his motivation and enthusiasm drops to the floor.

He might try acting like he’s just being honest with his emotions, but the truth is that he’s simply happier when you’re there.

19) He still talks fondly about you to other people.

He might even be dating someone new. But whenever people ask him about you, it seems like he only has good things to say about you.

Maybe he would talk about how you were totally an amazing cook, or that you could totally beat him in chess with a blindfold on.

He isn’t patronizing or objectifying you when he talks about you at all. Instead, it feels like there’s just genuine admiration there.

It’s not that easy to pretend to hate or be apathetic towards someone that a given person admires. He may act one way, but his lips will betray him.

20) He gets possessive and says he’s just worried about you.

When he sees you getting close to someone, or moving somewhere out of reach, he’ll go nuts.

He might try to pretend like it’s not because he’s jealous at all.

He might even say something like “I don’t care if you get a boyfriend, I just want to make sure he treats you right” just to get you off his back.

But if you think about it, he has absolutely no right to get involved in your love life. You’ve already broken up.

The reason why he cares so much is because he still thinks of you as his.

Maybe he is also worried about you, but chances are that he’s simply afraid he’d lose you forever.

21) He gets very mad at you.

Another sign that he’s just pretending to be over you is that he’d get incredibly mad at you and go out of his way to make sure you know it.

He might randomly call you and rant about how you need to make up for that time when you totaled his ride on the freeway, or when you accidentally threw away the can of blue cheese he was saving up for the new year.

The reason why he acts like this is because he doesn’t know how to handle his feelings for you.

He misses you, hates that you’re no longer his, and he’s latching on to the slights you’ve done to him—no matter how small—so that he can justify hating you instead.

But while this is very much a sign that he still cares for you, it can also be a sign that he’s immature and abusive, so you should probably be careful.

What to do if you still love your ex

If you still love your ex, then you should reach out to him. But try to avoid confronting him directly, or else he might freak out and think he had made himself too obvious.

Instead, you can try letting him in little by little.

  • Try to bond over the things you have in common and try building a new relationship with him. Don’t think of it as a continuation of your old one.
  • Talk over the reasons your previous relationship didn’t work out and try to deal with them.
  • Take it slowly. Don’t rush into being in a relationship again, but instead try to be best friends first.
  • If he is obviously serious about wanting to move on even though he still loves you, then there is no problem with settling for simply being good friends.

It isn’t always going to be easy to reach out to him, even when you know that both of you want something. Pride gets in the way.

Try to convince him, and he’s probably going to want to come up with a counterargument. It’s just human nature.

Focus instead on changing the way he feels. To do this, simply change the emotions he associates with you and make him picture a whole new relationship with you.

In his excellent short video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method for changing the way your ex feels about you. He reveals the texts you can send and things you can say that will trigger something deep inside him.

Because once you paint a new picture about what your life together could be like, his emotional walls won’t stand a chance.

Watch his excellent free video here.


By now you should have a better idea of why men pretend that they’re over you, and the things that give them away.

So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge,be sure to check out the video now.

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again.

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Picture of Tina Fey

Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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