9 signs you love each other a lot but you’re just too different as people

It finally happened: you’ve fallen in love.

They make your heart skip a beat. And you’re kinda hoping they’re the one.

However, you noticed that you’re just so…different. And sometimes, these differences lead to tension in the relationship. 

But that’s normal right? 

Hmm…up to a point.

It’s possible that you’re madly in love but your relationship also drives you mad because you’re just too different people.

Here are 9 signs that this is the case.

1) Your relationship feels like hard work 

They’re the love of your life. In fact, meeting them was the best thing that ever happened to you.

And yet, you realize, you’re just exhausted all the damn time.

You argue regularly. You force each other towards understanding. You find yourself having to explain the smallest things, even the ones that seem so obvious to you…

And it happens almost every single day—like it’s Groundhog Day. And this is not what relationships are supposed to be like!

While every relationship surely requires work and effort, it shouldn’t be so difficult that your relationship is like a sh*tty second job.

And sadly, if it feels like a constant struggle, it probably means you’re just not compatible with each other.

2) You unconsciously try to change each other

Let’s say they have a happy-go-lucky personality, while you’re a regular Type A—ambitious, organized, and always wanting to be productive.

Even if you try your hardest to understand them because you love them, you do certain things in an effort to “help” them. And maybe unconsciously, to make them a little bit more like you.

You can’t help but express your thoughts on how they do things. And to keep the peace, they change their ways. 

It might seem like a good thing in the short term, but changing for your partner, or expecting them to do that for you, will likely lead to bitterness and resentment in the end. 

3) You don’t see eye to eye

In conversation—and especially during arguments—you can’t help but go “I just don’t get you!”

You may be madly in love with each other, but you just have different kinds of intelligence, different backgrounds, different core values, and different ways of seeing the world.

And again, while having differences in opinion is normal for any couple, if it comes to a point that you start to think “I can’t believe I’m with this person!”, then you’re probably just too different

And in this case, opposites may attract, but they don’t necessarily stay together. 

4) You’re always negotiating and making compromises

From what to do on weekends, to how to manage finances, to how you’re going to raise your pet…

It seems like you just can’t agree on anything easily! And you know it’s not just because you’re both stubborn by nature because you can see you’re both trying your damnedest to be nice.

You can see that you’re both very committed to each other, but you’re just too different as people that you can’t help but disagree.

So, you always explain your side, and they explain theirs.

And after that, you try to come up with a happy middle. 

While there isn’t such a thing as a perfect match, and it’s great that you communicate well, it can get pretty exhausting for both of you as time goes by. Having to defend and explain yourself constantly can be draining. 

And it also makes sense if one day you just find that you’re no longer happy living a life of “happy middles.”

5) You love them, but you don’t genuinely like them

pic2433 9 signs you love each other a lot but you’re just too different as people

Like is not the step before love. They’re not a stage you complete to get to the other. They’re different things!

To love is characterized by feelings of attachment and intimacy, while to like is more about admiration, respect, and awe.

For example, most people love their children, but only few actually like them for who they are.

If you’re too different, there’s a chance that even if you love them so much, you probably don’t like them as a person.

Here’s a test:

Do you think that if you break up, you’d still be friends with them?

If nah, then it’s probably because you don’t actually like them as a person, and you’re just too different.

6) You feel like something’s lacking in your relationship

You love each other so much. But sometimes, you get the feeling that there’s something missing…

Maybe you feel this way after you tried to have an intellectual conversation, and it fell flat. That could be a sign that intellectually, you’re not a match.

Or perhaps you feel this way on special occasions. Maybe their idea of celebration is too far from yours.

No two people are a 100% match. 

But if your differences have already made you feel like you’re missing out on something, then it could be a sign that there’s just too big a gap there to save the relationship. 

7) You don’t see a future with them

Eeeps. This is a hard one.

Yes, it’s possible that we love someone so much, and yet, we don’t see a future with them. And this usually happens when we’re with someone who’s just incompatible with us.

Have you ever thought about it once, probably a long time ago? And if you did, was it complicated, uninspiring, or exhausting to think about?

Perhaps you just pushed those thoughts back, and decided to just enjoy the present. I urge you to rethink this right now. 

Think about a future with this person. Can you see it now? Does it bring you joy more than suffering? Then, maybe, you have a chance to make things work.

But if you see more suffering than joy, then you’re probably too different as people.

8) You often feel like a bad person

If your partner is too different from you, you can’t help but feel bad.

Let’s say they’re ambitious, and you’re content with where you are. You’d feel bad for being content. In fact, you’d start to think you’re just lazy and that you’re selling yourself short. 

And if you’re the ambitious one, you’d start to feel guilty for not letting your partner relax…for always pushing them to want more for themselves. 

Or let’s say you’re deeply invested in social justice, while they don’t care at all.

You’d probably feel bad about it, but you can’t help but think that they’re a bit self-centered. And on the other hand, they’d feel bad about not caring enough, too.

You feel bad because you love them so much that you don’t want them to feel like they have to change who they are… and yet, you can’t help it because your values and principles clash.

At the end of the day, we can’t ignore our own nature just to please the people we love.

9) You feel like you’re losing yourself

Because of your immense love for them, you try to show them that you’re indeed compatible.

So, even when you’re really against something, you tell yourself to mellow out, because you know they’re really into it. 

And even when you’re passionate about something, you suppress it, when you know it’s something they’re opposed to. 

While one or two of these major differences are probably fine, if you have to bend over backwards in almost everything, you’d break.

And then one day, you’d realize you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

Last words

So what now?

While being with someone who’s different from you can add spice to a relationship, if it leads to too much fighting and unhappiness, then it might be best to walk away. 

This, of course, is not an easy thing to do, and will require a lot of reflection. 

How opposing are your views? How different are your lifestyles?

If you’re able to reach a compromise, is it something you’d really be happy with? 

At the end of the day, only you can tell if what you have is something that’s for keeps. 

Just remember to listen to your instincts, and see if the differences in your personality and values can lead you both to grow as a couple, and in the person that you both are.

Picture of Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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