Let’s face it: being cheated on sucks.
The betrayal of trust that comes from being cheated on can stay with us for a very long time, affecting any future relationships we get into.
And fidelity is one of the foundations of any happy relationship. It’s one of the most important things we ask of our partners, and one of the most important things we can give them in return.
Unfortunately, some cheaters are very good at hiding their tracks. They may appear like a loyal and faithful partner, when in reality, they are sneaking around behind your back.
So how can you know if your partner is loyal to you?
Well, psychology can help point you toward signs of a faithful partner. So if you recognize these signs in the person you care about, chances are good you can trust them.
1) They communicate openly
Communication is the life of any relationship. And often, when communication breaks down, relationships turn bad.
Sometimes, this can even encourage one or both partners to seek something outside the relationship. After all, if they aren’t getting their needs met at home, there’s more of a temptation to stray.
That’s why communication is so vital in any relationship.
“Relationships which are not optimal and are characterized by low satisfaction, high conflict and a lack of good communication play a significant role in the causal factors leading to infidelity,” according to this study.
On the other hand, if your partner is good at communicating with you, they are less likely to cheat.
That means they express their needs in an open, honest, and healthy way. It also means they listen to you and your needs in the relationship.
If your partner take the time to do that, it’s a good sign that they are committed to making your relationship work instead of looking for excitement elsewhere.
2) Their actions and words are consistent
Think about the things your partner says, and whether their actions match what they say.
After all, actions speak louder than words.
A person may tell you that they love you, that they are committed to you, that you are the only one for them. But if their actions demonstrate otherwise, watch out.
A reliable person is someone with a high level of personal integrity. That means they follow through on their promises and mean what they say.
If they say they will be somewhere at a certain time, you know they will be there. If they promise to do something, you can trust them to do it.
“Trust can be a difficult thing to build because people already carry their own defenses and distrust from past hurts, rejections, and deceptions,” writes psychologist Lisa Firestone.
“Yet trust and communication are fundamental to establishing closeness, intimacy, and real love.”
And one of the best ways to build that trust is for both partners to be reliable and consistent by matching their words to their actions.
3) They are emotionally stable
The reasons why people cheat are complex. Yes, sometimes, it’s purely about sex and physical attraction. But often, cheating also carries a huge emotional component.
Many people look for satisfaction outside a relationship when their needs are not being met by their partner. Many affairs are at least as emotional as they are sexual.
“Someone having an emotional affair may hide it from their partner or even use deception to keep the relationship a secret,” writes marriage expert Sheri Stritof. “Emotional affairs can also act as gateway affairs, eventually leading to emotional and sexual infidelity.”
And if you’re partneri s emotionally unstable, there is a high risk that they will cheat just because they can’t control their emotions.
On the other hand, if your partner is able to separate the way they feel from the way they act, chances are good they will stay faithful to you long term.
They won’t cheat on you just to feel a sense of excitement or to get validation for some insecurity.
Instead, they will talk to you about their feelings and not step outside the bounds of your relationship.
4) They practice empathy
Just about everyone is deeply hurt when their partner cheats on them. And that’s one of the big reasons we all know we shouldn’t cheat.
If your partner has a high level of empathy, it means they are able to imagine how you feel in any given situation. And if they are able to do that, they are less likely to cheat, because they can understand and appreciate how much it would hurt you.
As this study shows, people with higher levels of empathy are less likely to cheat. That’s because they can understand how hurtful it is for their partner to be betrayed, keeping them from being tempted.
5) They respect your boundaries – and maintain their own
Every healthy relationship has boundaries. Boundaries are where we draw the line for the behavior that we will and won’t tolerate from people we are in a relationship with. Not cheating on each other is one of the most common boundaries in relationships, but there are others.
“Setting healthy boundaries requires self-awareness,” writes psychotherapist Jo Nash. “We need to be clear about our expectations of ourselves and others, and what we are and are not comfortable with in specific situations.”
So you can see how important the communication skills I mentioned earlier are in setting boundaries.
A partner who respects your boundaries understands your worth as a person and demonstrates that they don’t want to hurt you.
It’s also a good sign if they have strong boundaries of their own. If they maintain their own reasonable but important boundaries, it’s a good sign that they respect the principle of boundaries enough to abide by them.
6) They share your values
Sharing values is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. That’s especially true when it comes to cheating.
Most people see cheating as wrong, but often, that doesn’t stop them from doing it. However, if you are strongly anti-infidelity and so is your partner, there’s a good chance that they will stay faithful to you no matter what.
“Core values in a relationship are the guiding beliefs that direct your words and actions,” says doctor and mental health writer Kristin Fuller. “Having compatible core values will arm you with the necessary strength and camaraderie to navigate these hurdles together.”
It’s not just infidelity. It’s also important to share values around things like:
- Family
- Empathy
- Gender roles
- Finances
- Communication
- Accountability
If you share these core values with your partner, it’s a sign that you have a deep connection from the core of your being. And that makes you both much less likely to cheat.
7) They invest in the relationship
There are lots of different ways someone can show they are invested in a relationship.
It may mean moving in together. It may mean making major life decisions together. It may involve having kids or taking care of one another’s family.
Unfortunately, it’s possible for people to do all of these things, and still cheat.
Still, if your partner invests time and effort in building a relationship with you, it’s a good sign that they are in it for the long haul. They clearly value the relationship they have with you, and that makes them much less likely to betray your trust.
8) They respect you
Often, cheating comes down to a lack of respect for the other person.
And there are lots of warning signs of a lack of respect before an affair actually happens.
If your partner respects you, they won’t make fun of you in front of other people. They will always have your back. They will respect your choices, even when they don’t agree with them. They won’t belittle you or make you feel inferior.
Philosopher and neuroscientist Berit Brogaard points out that, “It is a near-truism that mutual respect is essential for our relationships (romantic or otherwise) to thrive and that a lack of mutual respect can leave our relationships in tatters, or worse.”
A partner who respects you will support you through good times and bad. They will respect your ability to make choices for yourself and for the relationship. They will have your back, even when they disagree with you.
That’s a partner who is very unlikely to cheat on you.
Signs of a trustworthy person
When we enter a relationship with someone else, we open ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt by them. That’s why it’s so important to build relationships with people we can trust.
Unfortunately, you can never guarantee that another person won’t betray your trust. By watching out for these signs of someone trustworthy, you can minimize your chances of ending up with an unfaithful partner.
