7 signs you don’t genuinely love each other, according to psychology

Ever heard the saying “Love conquers all”?

Well, it’s not always as simple as that. Love, in its truest sense, is a complex emotion, painted with a palette of feelings that range from blissful joy to heart-wrenching pain.

But here’s the kicker.

Sometimes, what we perceive as love might not be love at all. It could be a mirage, a psychological facade hiding the fact that maybe, just maybe, we don’t genuinely love each other.

So how can you tell if your relationship is based on genuine love or not?

According to psychology, there are certain signs that can give you an insight into what’s really going on beneath those sweet nothings and stolen glances.

Curious to find out more?

Stay with me as we delve into this intriguing topic and explore these signs together.

1) Lack of communication

Let’s talk about communication.

Oh, the irony, right?

Here’s the deal – a relationship without open, honest communication is like a car without fuel. It’s not going anywhere.

Psychology points out that lack of communication is often a sign of a lack of genuine love. Why? Because when we genuinely love someone, we want to share our thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears with them.

But if you find yourself or your partner holding back, avoiding tough conversations or even daily chit-chat, it could be a red flag.

Communication is more than just talking about how your day went. It’s about connecting on a deeper level, understanding each other, and not being afraid to be vulnerable.

2) Lack of empathy

Have you ever shared something important with your partner, only to be met with indifference? I have, and let me tell you, it wasn’t pleasant.

I remember a time when I was ecstatic about a promotion at work. I was over the moon and couldn’t wait to share the good news with my then-partner. 

But instead of sharing my joy, he simply shrugged it off and changed the subject.

I felt hurt. My joy instantly turned into disappointment.

That’s when I understood a vital principle: genuine love is about sharing not only your own experiences but also your partner’s feelings, be they joy, sorrow, excitement or fear.

Psychology supports this. It tells us that empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another – is a key indicator of genuine love.

So if you or your partner often fail to show empathy towards each other’s experiences, it might be a sign that your love isn’t as genuine as you thought.

3) Absence of trust

Trust. Four letters that carry such weight in a relationship.

It’s like a foundation for a house. If it’s shaky, the whole structure could crumble.

You know what I’m talking about, right?

Those sleepless nights wondering where they are, who they’re with, why they didn’t answer your call. That nagging feeling in your gut whenever they talk to someone attractive. The constant need to check their phone, their social media, their whatever.

It’s exhausting. It’s debilitating. And it’s certainly not love.

Psychology tells us that trust is a fundamental component of genuine love. It’s about having faith in each other, believing in the bond you share, and knowing that no matter what, you both have each other’s backs.

But if trust is missing? If doubt and insecurity are the constant companions in your relationship?

Then my friend, it’s time to reflect on whether it’s genuine love you’re feeling or just an illusion masked as love.

4) Constant criticism

phrases only toxic people use according to psychology 7 signs you don’t genuinely love each other, according to psychology

You know that sting when a loved one criticizes you? Not the constructive, I-want-you-to-be-better kind of criticism, but the constant, demeaning, and hurtful kind.

It’s like a punch to the gut every time.

Genuine love lifts you up, it doesn’t tear you down. It sees your imperfections but chooses to celebrate your strengths instead of constantly pointing out your weaknesses.

Psychology highlights that constant criticism is a sure sign of a lack of genuine love. It underlines an underlying resentment or dissatisfaction that can eat away at the bond between two people.

5) Neglecting personal growth

Imagine a tree planted in a garden. Now, if you continuously water and nurture this tree, it’ll grow tall, bloom, and bear fruit. But if you neglect it, it’ll wither and eventually die.

The same goes for us as individuals within a relationship.

In a genuinely loving relationship, both partners encourage each other to grow and evolve. They support each other’s dreams, ambitions, and personal journeys.

When love isn’t genuine, we often see one or both partners stagnating or even regressing in their personal growth.

So if you find yourself or your partner stuck in the same spot, not growing or evolving, it might be time to question the authenticity of the love in your relationship.

6) Lack of forgiveness

We’re all human. We all make mistakes. And in a relationship, those mistakes can sometimes cause pain.

But here’s where the beauty of genuine love shines through. It’s forgiving. It understands that no one is perfect and chooses to heal and move forward instead of holding onto grudges.

However, if you find that past mistakes are constantly brought up in arguments, if the pain of old wounds is used as a weapon, it could be a sign that the love isn’t as genuine as it should be.

Remember, it’s okay to feel hurt and it’s okay to take time to heal. But holding onto resentment can poison a relationship.

7) Absence of respect

Respect. The cornerstone of any genuinely loving relationship.

It’s about valuing each other’s opinions, appreciating differences, and honoring boundaries.

But if respect is missing from your relationship, if there’s constant belittling, ignoring, or violating personal boundaries, it’s a glaring sign that the love isn’t genuine.

Respect is as essential to love as oxygen is to life. Without it, love simply can’t survive.

The takeaway

If these signs resonate with your relationship, it’s crucial to remember this isn’t about placing blame. It’s about bringing awareness to aspects that might need some attention.

The beauty of human relationships is that they aren’t static. They can evolve, grow, and transform. But it takes honesty, effort, and a genuine willingness to change.

Start by acknowledging what is. Be honest with yourself and your partner about these signs. Remember, this isn’t about pointing fingers but about understanding each other better.

Next, focus on communication. Open up a dialogue about these issues and how they impact your relationship. It might be uncomfortable initially, but it’s a step towards healing and authenticity.

And remember, it’s okay to seek professional help if things seem overwhelming. Therapists and counselors are trained to help individuals and couples navigate complex emotional landscapes.

Change won’t happen overnight. But each small step you take towards understanding, empathy, trust, growth, forgiveness, and respect brings you closer to a relationship rooted in genuine love.

So take a deep breath, gather your courage, and embark on this journey of self-discovery and mutual understanding. Because genuine love is worth fighting for.




Picture of Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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