11 signs the person you love doesn’t deserve you

Do you ever wonder if your partner, family member, or even friend deserves you?

Maybe it’s some of the subtle comments they make, that make you think, “I would never say something like that to you”.

Or maybe you just don’t trust them completely, and can’t quite understand why.

Well, we all know that no romantic or platonic relationship is truly perfect and everyone goes through difficult topics in their relationship. 

But how do you know what’s a normal relationship problem, and what’s a sign someone doesn’t actually deserve you?

Let’s find out with these 11 signs:

1) They try to control aspects of your life

Your loved one trying to control any aspect of your life is a big red flag

A healthy relationship is ideally a supportive dynamic where both people are free to be themselves and live their lives as they see fit. The other person is there to provide support or even constructive feedback – but never control. 

If the person you love tries to control:

  • The way you dress
  • Your perspectives
  • Your lifestyle
  • What you eat
  • Your finances
  • Or any other personal decisions

You could probably consider this an unhealthy dynamic. In many cases, controlling someone is actually a sign of abuse. 

A healthy, deserving partner, friend, or family member would love you exactly as you are, not try to change you. 

And, if they saw something that could be improved, they would offer suggestions or feedback without trying to enforce that in a controlling way. 

2) You feel emotionally neglected

Do you share your feelings with the person you love, but feel that they avoid those conversations? 

Do they ignore your expressions of your feelings, gloss over them, or try to talk about something else? 

This is a sign of emotional neglect, which is also a sign the person you love doesn’t deserve you. 

In a healthy, loving relationship, emotional connection and support are very important. 

When someone consistently fails to acknowledge, validate, or respond to your emotional needs, they are making you feel unimportant and unheard.

So if the person you love doesn’t make any effort to cultivate a safe space for your needs to be heard, they might not deserve you.

3) You often feel criticized

If someone frequently criticizes you, belittles you, or makes you feel inferior, it’s a sign of emotional abuse and a relationship that may not be healthy.

It’s true, we’re not all perfect. You probably have flaws, like everyone else. 

But know this:

There is a way to address those flaws in a way that is loving, constructive, and encouraging. If your partner or loved one is always criticizing or making you feel less than – it’s not okay. 

It may also just be an unconscious communication habit they’ve learned – so try asking them to communicate in a gentler, more kind way. However, if they refuse to change, they may not deserve you.

4) You don’t feel supported

If the person you love doesn’t support your goals, dreams, or interests, it could mean they’re not invested in your happiness and growth.

Especially if you know you would support them if it were the other way around. 

If this is ongoing, it could indicate a lack of investment in the long-term relationship, hidden jealousy, or ambivalence towards you.

5) You don’t trust them

Trust is absolutely key to any relationship. 

They could have betrayed your trust with infidelity in the past, or they could often say they will do something but they never do it. 

In the case of infidelity, the trust is extremely difficult to repair and requires a true commitment to change from the person who has broken the trust.  

If you choose to forgive someone who has broken your trust, it can take time to see those changes being made. 

However, if someone consistently breaks your trust time after time and shows no growth – maybe it’s time to cut the cords. 

They’re simply not offering you the same loyalty and dedication to the relationship that you’re providing, and there are many people out there who can.

6) You feel they don’t respect you

signs the person you love doesnt deserve you 1 11 signs the person you love doesn't deserve you

Do you feel that they treat you as less than them? 

It might just be a feeling that they see you as less intelligent, less creative, less capable… fill in the blank. 

If so, this can lead to unhealthy power dynamics which completely tips the balance of a healthy relationship. Every strong relationship is built upon both parties respecting each other, regardless of background, personalities, experiences, or perspectives. 

If you feel like they don’t respect you, they might maintain a relationship with you for the wrong reasons: obligation, loneliness, desperation, and convenience are all unhealthy motivators to look at. 

7) You can’t seem to communicate with them

Communication is the most helpful tool there is to work through issues between people.

If you try to communicate with them but seem to constantly clash, feel ignored, or get triggered by what each other says, try to first reflect on your communication skills. 

Are you:

If you are, and they aren’t reciprocating even though you’ve brought it up with them, it’s possible that they just don’t deserve you. 

You see:

When someone loves you, they will put in the work towards improving their communication style so that you can both effectively grow together. 

8) You feel isolated from others

You should never feel like someone you love is trying to keep you away from other people you love. 

If you find yourself in a dynamic where you’re isolated from your friends, family, or community because your partner wants to keep you all to themselves – this is a sign of unhealthy attachment. 

It’s not ideal for your well-being to only remain in the company of one other person, especially against your will. 

If you find that you want to spend time with others but your partner guilts you from doing so or creates reasons for you not to, then you have a serious conversation to have with them.  

9) They manipulate you

It can be hard to know when you’re being manipulated, especially if they’re doing it well.

I’m here to help shed some light on this. 

Manipulation comes with many tactics. In general, it’s a way of influencing your perceptions about your reality, including your relationship. 

If your partner or loved one (friends and family members can do this) guilt-trips you constantly into doing things for them, they’re manipulating you. 

If they gaslight you by denying or distorting reality in your eyes, they are manipulating you. 

Other common methods of manipulation include:

  • Emotional blackmail
  • Projection of their own behaviors on you
  • Giving the silent treatment
  • Love bombing
  • Withholding affection
  • Creating more dependence on them by taking you away from your support network. 

So now you know these toxic manipulation tactics, beware!

10) You’re unhappy

This one’s simple. 

If you’re unhappy around them or with them, consider the possibility that they don’t deserve you. 

Even if they’re not outright doing any of the things on this list – this is an important one to pay attention to. 

How someone makes you feel is equally, if not the most important as all of the other signs.

11) They refuse to change

So you’ve shared all of these things with them.

Are they making progress to change their toxic or unhealthy behaviors? 

If they are, that’s all you can ask for. 

We each come with our own shortcomings, traumas, and learned behaviors. 

The important thing is that they recognize them and want to be better for you and take action to become that. 

However, if they either don’t recognize where they need to change or they say they will and they don’t… Let me tell you something:

They definitely don’t deserve you.

Final thoughts

Relationships can be one of the trickiest things to navigate in life. 

All of these signs apply to any loved one, whether they are a partner, friend, or family member. Friendships and families can be equally toxic as romantic partnerships. 

Remember that it’s vital to protect your own well-being, and that can look like distancing yourself from a family member or breaking up with a friend or partner if their presence is disrupting your happiness. 

If you’re faced with a complicated relationship situation that’s not easy to distance yourself from, remember to seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. 

Deciding whether to continue a relationship is a deeply personal choice. Sometimes, seeking an external opinion is helpful in guiding this decision. 

Whatever your choice, remember to consider these 11 signs that will help point you in the direction of healthier relationships and support your mental well-being. 

Picture of Shela Riva

Shela Riva

Shela Riva is a Thai-Swiss freelance writer, artist, energy mentor and co-creator of Jaiyen Eco Resort, a creative retreat space in Thailand. She is deeply passionate about our incredible ability to transform and is dedicated to helping each person realize the power within themselves, whether through her writing, empowering custom art pieces, one-on-one work or in-person retreats.

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