16 surefire signs the no contact rule is working on your ex (and what to do next)

Heard about the contact rule and decided to try it out?

But once you’ve cut off all contact with your ex, how do you know the no contact rule is working?

And what are you supposed to do next?

Here’s a list of 17 surefire signs that the no contact rule is working on your ex.

Let’s dive in:

1) You become focused on your well-being

The no contact rule isn’t just supposed to help you get your ex back, it’s also supposed to help you focus on your well-being.

You see, being away from your ex gives you time to yourself, to focus on your needs. It allows you to develop new hobbies and interests, and make new friends.

• You may find yourself thinking about your health. You start eating healthier and you make time for exercising.
• You may even find yourself spending more time outside and enjoying long nature walks.
• What’s more, you take an interest in your inner well-being. You start to meditate and do yoga.
• You may even start seeing a therapist.

All in all, the no contact rule is definitely working if you start to focus on yourself.

2) You become independent

During the no-contact period, you’ll start to find your independence once again.

While you may have been very dependent on your ex during the relationship, now you realize that you don’t need them to survive.

You’re able to go out and enjoy yourself without feeling the need to call your ex. What’s more, you don’t feel sad, lonely, or depressed when you don’t hear from him or her.

Rather than waiting for your ex to call, you begin to direct your own life. You start focusing on your work and making plans for the future.

3) You hear your ex isn’t doing well without you

Mutual acquaintances let you know that your ex isn’t doing well in your absence.

They’ve lost weight and they’re depressed.

The breakup hit you hard but now the tables have turned and you’re not talking to them, and they’re feeling the pain and rejection.

This is another (albeit not so nice) sign that the contact rule is working on your ex.

4) You feel a renewed sense of self-confidence

When your ex is away from you, you have time to work on your confidence and gain back some of the control which you felt was lost when your relationship ended.

You finally feel confident enough to pursue your goals and improve on areas of your life that were neglected while you were in your relationship.

And another thing, you begin to look forward to meeting new people and starting fresh.

The thing is that you now know who you are and you’re comfortable in your own skin. You’re no longer chained to your ex and it doesn’t matter what they think of you.

You don’t need to wait for your ex to call you, because you know that it is up to you what happens next.

5) Your ex texts or calls you

You’ll know that the no contact rule is working when you start getting text messages and phone calls from your ex.

Now, this may not happen overnight but after it’s been a while your ex will start to wonder what you’re up to and why they haven’t heard from you.

The fact that you’re not reaching out will actually make them reach out.

This is great news but you have to be strong and restrain yourself from responding to them during the no contact period.

So don’t answer the phone. Don’t reply to their texts. You’ve got this!

6) Your ex reaches out on social media

Here’s another surefire sign the no contact rule is working: your ex starts to like all your posts and pictures on social media.

Because they haven’t seen you or heard from you in ages, they’re starting to miss you!

They want to get your attention and will try and start a dialogue by commenting on your posts.

Great! But don’t engage. Don’t respond to their comments. Have some self-control and don’t give in!

They will get a little upset when they see that you haven’t responded, but the best thing is to stick with the no contact rule for a while longer.

7) You stop hurting and start to enjoy life again

One very important aspect of the no contact rule is that during your time away from your ex, you start to heal.

In my experience, you may have been in a very dark and painful place after your breakup or even during your relationship.

But now, you have time to get better, feel more positive, and take charge of your emotions. You stop hurting and realize that life is good.

You can finally see the bright side.

8) You find your purpose

Maybe you were too focused on the relationship and your ex and didn’t have time to work on yourself. Now that you’ve broken up and have employed the no contact rule, you’ve got all the time in the world to improve yourself.

What would you say if I asked you what your purpose is right now?

A month ago I would’ve closed my eyes and sighed. I had no idea.

The consequences of not finding your purpose in life include a general sense of frustration, listlessness, dissatisfaction, and a sense of not being connected with your inner self.

It’s difficult to get your ex back when you’re not feeling in sync.

I learned a new way to discover my purpose after watching Ideapod co-founder Justin Brown’s video on the hidden trap of improving yourself. He explains that most people misunderstand how to find their purpose, using visualization and other self-help techniques.

However, visualization isn’t the best way to find your purpose. Instead, there’s a new way to do it which Justin Brown learned from spending time with a shaman in Brazil.

After watching the video, I discovered my purpose in life and it dissolved my feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction. This helped me to find the strength to wait out the no contact period and win back my ex.

9) Your ex asks your friends and family about you

It’s working! Your ex will start to ask your friends and family about you.

They’ll want to know how you’re doing, what’s new in your life, and whether you’ve moved on.

What’s more, they may casually ask if you’re seeing anyone new. They can’t seem to move on because they just can’t seem to quit thinking about you.

The bottom line is that your ex still has strong feelings for you and that the no contact rule is helping them realize that.

10) Your ex shows up at your favorite spots

Here’s another sign: your ex starts to show up at all of your favorite places.

You’ll be out with your friends at your favorite coffee shop and you’ll run into them. Or you’ll be out to eat at your favorite restaurant and you’ll see them there as well. This will be a very powerful moment as you come face-to-face with the person who used to be in your life.

So far, so good!

If they approach you, don’t ignore them. Be polite and keep it short. Keep the interaction to a minimum. Don’t be too friendly. Act cool. Make an excuse to get away as soon as you can. Say something like, “I have to go now, Matt’s waiting for me.” or “I’m late for a meeting. Nice seeing you.” Leave them wanting more.

11) Your ex sends you presents

You’ll start to receive goodies in the mail from your ex. This is another sign that the no contact rule is working.

It could be a new book from your favorite author or an original vinyl of your number one band in mint condition or even homemade cookies. Anything really to show you that they miss you and that they still care about you.

They’re basically saying, “I still want you and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get you back.” They’re reaching out in any way that they know-how.

12) Your ex puts up a sad post on social media about the breakup

You know the no contact rule is working because your ex feels rejected.

Your ex starts putting up posts on social media about feeling lonely or sad because you’re not in their life anymore.

They may even post something about how much they miss you.

They may start to unfriend people who are a part of your life and remove any photos of you from their online profiles. This is a sign that they can’t get over you and they have a very hard time moving on, just as the no contact rule intended.

13) Your ex starts to send you angry messages

Feeling frustrated and ignored, forgotten even, your ex will start to send you angry messages.

They’ll get upset and call you names or tell you off for ignoring them.

They’ll say anything, even blame you for everything that went wrong, because they’re feeling

hurt and are trying to get attention – and hey, even negative attention is attention.

Don’t worry, this is all part of the process!

Once they cool down, they’ll probably regret what they wrote and will apologize. Point is, no contact is working.

14) Your ex is more responsive after no contact

After the no-contact period is over, you’ll find that your ex is suddenly more responsive.

They may not have been too eager to talk to you or respond to your messages when you first broke up, but after you decided to try out the no contact rule, everything is different.

The good news is that now they’re quick to reply as if they’re scared that you’ll go silent again.

Clearly, the space and time you had away from each other have made them realize how empty their life is without you.

15) Your ex asks for forgiveness

When you do contact them again, you’ll notice a remarkable change in tone.

They’ll be more polite and genuinely sorry for the way they treated you.

They may ask for forgiveness, which is a sure sign that your ex still has strong feelings for you and wants to take things to the next level.

16) Your ex wants to get back together

Finally, the ultimate sign that the no contact rule is working is when your ex brings up getting back together.

The time apart has made them realize that the breakup was a mistake. They miss you.

They’ll tell you that they really want to make it work.

This is why it’s important to give your ex space and time away from you. After the contact period is over, they will come crawling back to you and admit their mistakes.

What to do next

Now that you know that the no contact rule worked, let’s take a look at what to do next.

1) Have a powerful and confident mindset moving forward

During the no contact period it felt amazing to be back in control of your life.

While employing the rule was really hard at first, the fact that you did it shows that you have a very powerful mindset and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get the results you want from a relationship.

2) Contact your ex

Now that the no-contact period is over, don’t go back to the emotional and jealous version you were before.

Your ex needs to see that you’re in control and that you’ve moved on with your life – they don’t want to see a nervous wreck.

The no-contact period is over so it’s time to establish positive communication.

It’s important not to come across as needy and clingy.

Your ex needs to see that you’re living your life, that you’re happy, and that you’re not sitting at home moping and pining.

So what can you do?

The best thing is to send a text and not call them right away.

Send your ex a casual text like, “Hey, what’s up? Do you remember the name of that bed and breakfast in Scotland that we went to years ago? I’m planning a trip there soon and remember that it was decent accommodation.”

Basically, you’re getting in touch without letting your ex know that you miss them or talking about your relationship, you’re just getting some info from them.

3) Don’t reply immediately

If your ex texts you right back, you may feel the urge to text them again immediately. DON’T DO IT.

You may feel excited to talk to your ex again and you’re tempted to start texting back and forth but that could compromise the whole no contact period.

So instead, wait a couple of hours or even until the next day. Play it cool.

Trust me, you don’t want to seem desperate after all the effort you put in so far.

Your next text can be something like, “Oh yeah, thanks. I couldn’t remember the name but I knew it was something to do with sheep 🙂 Long time no see, how’s life?

Now, your ex should ask you about your life and you’ll have a little conversation going.

4) Don’t get emotional

Don’t let your ex know how much you miss them. Don’t ask if they’re dating anyone. Keep the conversion casual. Nothing serious, nothing negative. Just fun and light.

5) Like them, if they want to meet up for coffee

After you’ve started talking to your ex again, you want to start thinking about taking things to the next level and meeting in person.

Sounds good right?

Just keep in mind that this is going to be days or even weeks after the first text you send them. No need to rush things, see how the texting goes.

Ask them if they want to grab a coffee or quick lunch one day. Remember to be cool and casual. You’re just casually meeting up to catch up as old friends would, nothing more.

6) Meet your ex

Going in, you shouldn’t expect anything from this meeting.

You’re just two people meeting up to catch up. You’re not there to talk about the past and what went wrong. You’re not there to tell them how much you miss them and that you want them back.

To make a point, you’re there to talk about the present!

Tell them what you’ve been up to and let them see you’ve moved on with your life. Tell them about some amazing experiences you’ve had. Ask them about their life without seeming nosy or overly curious.

It should be a positive and fun experience. Your ex should leave that lunch thinking how much they’re missing out by not being with you.