8 signs the man in your life isn’t your forever person, according to psychology

If you’ve recently started dating someone new, you’re likely wondering if they’re ‘the one’ or just wasting your time.

While we may not be able to see into a crystal ball to find the answers, psychology can help us. 

There have been tons of studies on relationship success and longevity, providing insights into the behaviors and patterns that indicate whether a relationship will last.

From studying this research, here are eight signs that the man in your life might not be your forever person.

1) Your values don’t align

One of the most significant signs of compatibility between partners is shared values.

What I mean by values is the things in life on which we place the most importance, such as:

  • Family
  • Career
  • Health and wellbeing
  • Kindness and compassion
  • Honesty
  • Spirituality
  • Financial success

As our values control our behaviors, actions, and decisions, there will likely be a lot of tension and misunderstanding if you and your partner have contrasting values.

You won’t notice this at first, but having different values will become a problem later on.

Psychological research proves this. 

For example, this 2017 study by researchers from the University of Utah found that having attitudes similar to your partner’s leads to increased relationship satisfaction.

So, assess whether your core values align with your partner’s. 

If you’re unsure of your values, I recommend taking the value determination test by human behavior expert Dr. John Demartini.

While we don’t have to have the same interests and hobbies as our partners, contrasting values can create fundamental incompatibilities, making a long-term relationship inviable.

Another thing you should look for similarities in is your life goals…

2) You have contrasting life goals

If your man envisions a different future from you, I hate to break it to you, but he’s not your forever person.

This is because it is incredibly challenging to compromise and work around two contrasting life visions.

Let’s say you dream of getting married and having a family. 

If your partner dislikes kids and doesn’t believe in marriage, the relationship will not work in the long run.

Or let’s say you want to always live close to your family in your hometown. 

If your man dreams of living and working in another country, you will undoubtedly encounter some problems later on. 

3) He prioritizes everything above you

If your relationship is ‘meant to be’ it will progress naturally.

One of these progressions is your partner making you a priority. 

If your man is your future person, he will see you as one of the most important people in his life, and his actions will show this.

He will prioritize spending time with you, and he will consult you first when he has to make big decisions that may affect you.

However, if your man prioritizes everyone and everything above you, this is a massive sign that he’s not the right person for you.

For example, does he regularly choose to go out with his mates instead of spending time with you?

Does he frequently cancel your date nights to stay late at the office?

Or does he only spend time with you if you’re doing the things he wants to do?

If so, you likely feel as though you’re competing for your man’s time and attention.

Remember, you’re not supposed to tag along to your partner’s existing life; you’re meant to create a new life together!

Now let’s talk about another thing your partner may be reluctant to do, which is a huge red sign…

4) He is reluctant to resolve conflicts

Conflict resolution is a crucial skill in maintaining healthy relationships. 

Dr. Gottman’s research shows that how couples handle disagreements predicts the relationship’s longevity. 

If your partner avoids stonewalling you after an argument, constantly blames you, or refuses to compromise, this indicates a lack of willingness to work through challenges together. 

If there is reluctance and poor communication in your relationship, you will always argue about the same things due to unresolved issues. 

It also fosters resentment and ultimately weakens the relationship until it reaches breaking point.

While you can cultivate more open and honest communication in the relationship, this is only possible if your partner is willing to work on it.

If you’ve tried to improve communication and conflict resolution and your partner still denies a problem, it’s time to face the reality that this relationship has an expiry date.

Here’s another sign of poor communication that suggests your man isn’t your forever person…

5) You don’t feel like he really sees or hears you

If a man is no longer invested in a relationship he will usually display these behaviors 8 signs the man in your life isn't your forever person, according to psychology

Do you feel you and your partner are on two different wavelengths, or he doesn’t understand you?

Does he seem uninterested when you tell him about your day? 

Is he always preoccupied with something else when you need him?

Feeling seen and heard is crucial to feeling loved, valued, and respected in a relationship. 

According to Dr. Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, unconditional positive regard and active listening are essential for deep relational connections. 

If your partner frequently dismisses your thoughts, interrupts you, or fails to acknowledge your feelings, it can make you feel invisible and undervalued. 

This lack of genuine engagement also indicates an absence of emotional intimacy, which we’ll discuss next…

6) There’s no emotional intimacy

Sex is an essential aspect of a relationship, but for it to work out in the long run, there needs to be more than just physical intimacy.

Psychologist Dr. Messina notes that deep, meaningful conversations enhance mutual understanding, trust, vulnerability, and communication in a relationship.

But if your partner is emotionally unavailable, you won’t feel comfortable enough around them to share your innermost thoughts and feelings.

While things may be fantastic in the bedroom, emotional distance will eventually hinder your bond from deepening.

You will feel lonely, disconnected, and separated from your partner.

7) There is a lack of trust

Trust is the foundation of a secure and stable partnership, so a successful long-term partnership is impossible without it.

Research professor Dr. Brené Brown explains partners build trust through small, consistent acts over time. 

Whenever your partner lies, hides things, or behaves in ways that make you feel insecure, it further undermines the trust.

But every time he demonstrates you can trust him, it increases these seven elements of trust key to a successful relationship:

  • Boundaries
  • Reliability
  • Accountability
  • Confidentiality
  • Integrity
  • Non Judgment
  • Generosity

Moreover, research shows that the lower the trust in a relationship, the more conflict and likelihood of breaking up.

So, if your partner is unwilling to work on building trust, he cannot be your forever person.

8) You don’t feel comfortable and at ease around him

Finally, how you feel around your partner can indicate the duration of the relationship. 

Many people wrongly assume that if a relationship feels exciting and exhilarating, it means they are your forever person.

But these feelings demonstrate lust, not pure unconditional love. 

True love feels:

  • Calm
  • Peaceful
  • Comfortable
  • Stable
  • Secure

While it’s normal for relationships to have ups and downs, it should generally feel calm and stable.

So, if you feel on edge or like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner, this indicates that the relationship is more volatile than stable.

Likewise, if you’re constantly anxious and worried that your partner will break up with you, this also signals that your bond is weak.

Reflecting on my past relationships, I see that none felt as peaceful and stable as my current 6+ year relationship.

So, if you want to determine if your man is your forever person, tune in to how you feel around them!

Final thoughts

These psychological principles behind relationship longevity can provide clarity and help you make informed decisions about your partnership. 

However, recognizing these signs can be difficult, especially when emotions are involved. 

Therefore, sharing this article with a trusted friend might be helpful. This outside perspective can help you better assess the state of your relationship and, thus, predict its longevity.

Picture of Gemma Clarke

Gemma Clarke

I am a certified yoga and mindfulness teacher and an experienced content writer in the spirituality and personal growth space. I’m passionate about sharing my expertise through the power of words to inspire and guide others along the path of personal and spiritual development.

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