7 signs that you’ve finally found your person, according to psychology

In the midst of the boring and mundane, I had a quiet revelation.

There I was sitting in the driver’s license renewal office on the outskirts of the city when an awakening hit me like a bolt of lightning.

The search for The One, that person who completes us, who understands us in a way that defies words, moments, and even existence itself, is so elusive—isn’t it?

I was speaking with a woman sitting next to me whose reflections on love and the pull of connection echoed in my mind and resonated with my own experiences that felt both deep and somewhat mysterious.

At that moment, I wondered: where exactly does one find their person in life? 

Is it in the everyday moments, like this woman’s chance encounter with her now-husband, fumbling for something in his suitcase?

Or is it in the quiet spaces between it all?

As my name was called and I had to farewell my new friend and get the world’s worst licence photo taken, I carried with me that question.

In the search for our person, we’re all on a journey that goes against logic—guided only by our own hearts.

But if you’re looking to be guided by something a little more tangible, then that’s perfectly fine too.

Here are seven signs that you’ve finally found your person, according to psychology.

1) You know how to be vulnerable together

In a relationship where you can’t share your fears, failures, or flaws freely and candidly, you’re basically living a half life.

So, when you’ve finally found your special person, being open with each other should feel natural and easy—and the research backs it all up.

In a piece for Psychology Today, Jim Taylor, Ph.D. says that you’ve found your person when you can be vulnerable with each other. 

“Emotions and vulnerability are essential for meeting each other’s needs, feeling loved, and communicating effectively,” says Dr. Taylor.

He says if you’re unsure of this, ask yourself: How emotionally accessible is your partner?

I think it’s helpful to remind yourself that vulnerability isn’t about sharing everything with everyone.

Instead, it’s about finding the one, special person who makes you feel safe enough to be unabashedly yourself.

2) You accomplish goals together

So, you’ve stumbled upon someone who wants to be with you. Sparks fly and suddenly, you’re both living your lives together. 

Congrats! But how do you know if they’re not just a passing lover, but your actual person?

One tell-tale marker might just be this: accomplishing goals together.

A study on the significance of romantic relationships in mental health explored the importance of sharing goals together.

“A relationship which is beneficial for well-being would, in general terms, have high-quality levels, through which the partners can develop their potential, achieve personal and shared goals,” researchers shared.

This means having a dream and sharing it with your partner. Instead of shrugging it off or offering half-hearted support, they dive right in with you!

When you’ve found the love of your life, it’s not just about the cute, surface-level stuff.

It’s about having someone who’s as committed to your dreams as they are to their own. 

When you can tick off things together, these are the moments that forge a deep and enduring connection.

3) You have built up a lot of trust

signs youre in a relationship with someone who values loyalty and commitment 7 signs that you’ve finally found your person, according to psychology

Healthy relationships always come down to trust.

And when that trust is strong, you’ve not only found love—but a partner for life.

A study took a look at trust between couples aged 25–61 years old.

Researchers linked the rates of relationship “satisfaction” to a couple’s ability to “establish their trust in each other.”

Remember that establishing this trust isn’t just showing you’re both loyal, rather, it’s about knowing you’ve each got each other’s back through thick and thin and all the chaos of life.

It’s about sharing your deepest fears and wildest dreams without fear of judgment.

4) You are able to communicate effectively

Are you familiar with the concept of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”?

John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and expert in relationships, introduced this concept as the tell-tale markers of break-ups.

The Horsemen include communication patterns that can predict a relationship breaking down.

Included in these are contempt—expressions of disrespect—defensiveness—where people avoid accountability—stonewalling—shutting down during arguments—and finally, criticism. 

I find that these four signs are a surefire means to determine whether you’ve found your person. Particularly, the fourth horseman: criticism.

“Making your intentions clear in a respectful and assertive way can allow both of you to avoid needlessly hurting each other’s feelings,” says a Gottman piece on criticism.

That’s correct. One of the sure signs you’ve found the love of your life? When you can be straight-up with each other.

You don’t beat around the bush or play games, instead, you’re clear about your intentions, and you do it with loving kindness and respect.

And those tough talks? Like where you see the relationship heading or whether that person has upset you?

When you’ve found your person, they’re ready to work it out all with you. You both know honesty is crucial, so you tackle them head-on.

5) You can healthily handle conflict

This last point ties into this next one.

Have you ever found yourself in a heated debate with your partner? We’ve all been there.

No matter how healthy the relationship is, no matter how strong your love—it’s no secret that we all fight! 

Only, it just matters how we do it.

A social psychology study found that if your SO is someone with whom you can navigate difficult conversations or arguments with, then they might just be your forever person.

Researchers concluded that “the importance of expanding the couples’ repertoire of positive conflict resolution strategies.”

Such techniques involved “positive problem solving” and “conflict engagement.”

So, if you can find your way through tough conversations without it spiraling, you might just be onto something grand.

This style of managing conflict shows maturity and emotional intelligence. Instead of playing tit for tat, you’re listening and finding common ground as a team.

The real secret is that you’re in it together, even when you disagree. 

Winning the fight isn’t even the goal here, but understanding and growing together is.

6) You both work to make each other’s life easier

When your SO surprises you with a big breakfast or helps you plan your pal’s birthday party, it’s not just about the task at hand.

It’s about all the love, care, and commitment flowing behind it.

A research review in Frontiers of Psychology researchers concluded that “service to the other” is another marker that you’ve found the love of your life.

They’re not just talking about acts of service like picking up oat milk or fixing a flat tire (though that goes a long, long way too) we mean those consistent, selfless gestures that simply make life better.

Plus, it’s not just what they do for you, it’s also what you do for them. 

Relationships are, after all, a two-way street. 

So, when your partner goes the extra mile or you find yourself doing the same, soak it in… it’s a sign you’ve found something real.

7) Your relationship has a clear future—and you can both see it

Now, onto our final point. Da da daaaa.

If you’re still feeling stumped and asking yourself: How do I know if they’re the one? I’ve got one final clue for you…

You can both see your future together. Clearly.

A Greek study on the many techniques people employ to improve the quality of their relationships stated that having a shared future was essentially.

This included “convincing the partner that one was committed to the relationship, is faithful, and the relationship has a future.”

This means that when you chat about dreams, hopes, and plans, it’s not just dreaming—it’s actually going ahead and making plans together.

This might mean booking that dream trip to Palawan or putting down a deposit on that new car.

That’s a clear future. You and your person should be on the same page, sharing the same vision, and supporting each other no matter what. 

Picture of Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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