You can tell when someone wants to be your friend, right? They’ll follow you on Instagram, respond to your stories, like a few posts, and ask if you fancy grabbing a drink sometime.
What about when someone wants to date you? That’s obvious, too, right? They’ll follow you on Instagram, respond to your stories, like a few posts, and ask if you fancy grabbing a drink sometime…
Deciding whether someone wants to date you or be your friend isn’t always clear-cut.
When that guy at work or girl from your college class does things like the above, how can be sure whether you’re reading the room, or not reading it right at all?
Here’s what psychology has to say about it. When someone is thinking about you sexually, you might notice these 10 signs.
1) They stare at you
We’re drawn to things and people we like. It’s like if you’ve ever seen a pretty sunset or landscape view and can’t take your eyes off it! That’s your instincts kicking in. It’s your brain telling you that you LIKE this thing you’re looking at.
A similar rule applies to people you’re attracted to. Studies found two pretty interesting things about eye contact and what it says about your level of attraction to someone (and what kind of attraction it is).
For one, the more you look at someone, the more passionate feelings you’ll feel for each other. This is due to the chemical phenylethylamine being released from prolonged eye contact.
The second interesting thing is the more you look at someone’s face, the more likely you are to feel feelings of romantic love. While the more you look at someone’s body, the more likely you are to feel a sexual desire towards them.
So where he or she is looking should tell you everything you need to know…
2) Their eyes darken when they look at you
Another important thing about someone’s eyes isn’t just if they’re looking at you (and where they’re looking…). It’s HOW their eyes actually look!
Ever heard of “come to bed” eyes? It’s hard to describe exactly what this looks like unless you see it. By definition, it means someone is giving you “a sexually alluring expression”. In easy terms, it’s when someone looks at you in a way that feels like they’re thinking about you naked!
I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t just an expression. Experts say that when someone looks at you with love (or lust, in this case!), their eyes will actually become soft, dark, and maybe even more dilated than usual. So “come to bed eyes” really are a thing!
3) They talk dirty with you
This one should be pretty obvious! If a guy or girl talks dirty with you, they are almost 100% trying to get into your pants! Talking dirty is perhaps a symbol of the fact that someone is thinking about you sexually. They’re literally talking about it!
Dirty talk is important both in and outside of the bedroom. A study based on almost a thousand people aged 18 to 83 found that 90% of them felt aroused by the right erotic talk with their partner.
Interestingly, a similar study found that talking dirty outside the bedroom (like over text) is linked to higher sexual satisfaction rates, too. So if you are talking dirty with someone and you’re pretty sure YOU want them, too, it’s probably going to end well, if you know what we mean…
4) They speak low and slow
As it turns out, it isn’t just what they say, it’s the WAY they say it! When someone is thinking about you sexually and wants to make a move, they aren’t going to speak at lightning speed, rushing from one point to the next, rambling away.
Unless, of course, they’re uber nervous about being around you! But nerves aside, they’re more likely to speak to you in low and slow tones when they’re thinking about you sexually. By that, we mean their speech will slow and their voice will become gentler, like a loud whisper.
They aren’t going to speak at their usual pitch, either. Research finds that this is actually more of a subconscious behavior than a conscious one.
Women tend to speak in a higher pitch during the most fertile part of their menstrual cycle to (unknowingly) boost their attractiveness. Men change their pitch to a lower tone when dating, particularly when they’re feeling jealous.
And speaking of jealousy…
5) They get (light-heartedly) jealous
When someone is into you, you might spot a twinge of jealousy in their behavior. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, even though some are quick to label it “toxic!
A little bit of jealousy can make someone appreciate you more. Experts also find that small doses of jealousy show that someone loves or cares about you. Like if they see you talking to another guy and want to be involved in the conversation.
But there’s a huge caveat because not all jealousy is healthy. Studies found that some jealous behavior is linked to low self-esteem. This kind is actually very toxic. Like if a guy tries to control what you wear or where you go in the name of jealousy.
There’s another caveat, too, which boils down to your sense of security in yourself. Evidence suggests the more secure you are in yourself, the less likely you are to display jealous behavior. So, if they aren’t acting jealous, they might still be into you. They’re just madly secure, which is actually pretty attractive, too!
6) They ask you what you like/don’t like in bed
When someone is thinking about you sexually, they’re going to want to KNOW about you sexually! Your personal interests and preferences are going to be a (somewhat) priority for them.
So, they’ll definitely ask what you like and what you don’t like in the bedroom. This might be to weigh up your compatibility to see if your interests match. Or it might be to learn what they can do for you to make it enjoyable.
Of course, it might also just be to fuel their sexual thoughts even further!
7) They compliment your clothes/body/appearance
Sexual attraction isn’t all about your appearance, of course. Emotional attraction is the feeling of being attracted to someone’s personality, experts say. It’s important in long-term relationships and when forming deep, meaningful connections.
But physical attraction is important, too. Which is why when someone wants you sexually, they’re going to pay attention to your body and the clothes you wear!
Chances are, they’ll compliment you often on the things you wear. From a suit or dress to casual attire or gym wear, they’re going to notice what you wear and love it!
8) They like the way you smell
It isn’t just your clothes they’ll notice (and compliment!), it’s the way you smell, too. Experts have studied the impact of smell on sexual attraction and found that you’re more likely to like the way someone smells if you’re attracted to them.
Your sense of smell is known as one of your olfactory senses, which are our most primal senses. It’s why it’s so closely linked to sexual attraction. You can be attracted to someone’s natural smell (i.e., the pheromones they release) or their “artificial” smell (i.e., your perfume or aftershave) – or both.
9) They want to date you
Not as in, they want you to be their girlfriend/boyfriend. As in, they want to go on dates with you! Because when someone is attracted to you sexually, they’ll want to be around you.
Most likely, these dates will be things that involve being close and intimate with you. Like watching a movie on the sofa. Or teaching you how to play mini golf, standing close to you, placing their hand on your arm/elbow/shoulder/small of your back.
The point is, when someone is thinking about you romantically, they’re probably going to try to “woo” you or have a desire to be “wooed” – in which case, means they’re going to want to date you as much as they can.
10) They laugh at your jokes
When you’re funny, lots of people will laugh at your jokes! But your jokes aren’t the only reason why people laugh. A study published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology found that humor is very important for romantic relationships.
They found that when total strangers were placed in a room together, the more the couple laughed, the more romantically interested they were in each other. For women specifically, the more she laughed at his jokes, the more likely she was to see him as a potential romantic interest.
So a girl laughing at all your jokes? A guy cracking jokes that you find funny? Chances are, you’re thinking about each other romantically, maybe even sexually.
Final thoughts
Recognize these signs in someone you know? It might not just be friendship they’re interested in, if you know what I mean…
If you’re not interested, it might be time to shut it down. If you ARE interested, what are you waiting for? Ask them out, agree to those drinks, or go ahead and accept their follow request on Instagram!
