10 signs someone is taking advantage of your kindness

Your kindness is probably one of the greatest gifts you can offer this world.

It can fuel friendships, strengthen communities, and inspire healing.

But there are times when that very kindness can be used against you.

It’s an unfortunate reality that some people are simply good at spotting kindness in others with the agenda of using it for their selfish gains. 

It all happens to the best of us. 

So if you’re worried that someone might be taking advantage of your kindness, here are ten clear signs to watch out for!

1) They make unrealistic demands of your time, resources, or energy

You’ve become their go-to person whenever they need a favor, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to vent to. At first, it was okay because you genuinely wanted to be there for them. 

But over time, you start to notice that you’re always on call, even if you have your own life to live and responsibilities to attend to.

What’s even more annoying is that these people don’t care where you are or what you’re doing.

They expect that you’ll drop everything for them each time they need you. This can be incredibly draining and make your relationship feel like a chore.

When you try to set boundaries, such as rescheduling a meeting or politely declining a request for a favor, they often react negatively or guilt-trip you into giving in. 

They might make you feel like a bad person for not being there for them, even though they’re not taking your needs into account.

Not only that…

2) They always go MIA on you and only come back when they need something

You make plans, reach out to them, and then they go completely off the radar.

No responses, no calls, nothing. 

You think, “Okay, maybe they’re busy and just need some space.”

You’re kind, so you always give them the benefit of the doubt.

But then, as soon as they need a favor, they reappear.

Sure, you want to be there for them. 

But it’s disheartening when the only time they seem to remember your existence is when they’re in trouble, broke, or lonely.

It’s also unbelievable how predictable they can be, and yet you still remain a good friend.

In fact, there are instances when…

3) You volunteer to help them out but end up doing way more than agreed

Do these sound familiar? 

  • You offer to give them a ride, and they turn you into their chauffeur on duty for the entire week.
  • You agree to watch their pet for a weekend, and it becomes a month-long commitment.
  • You offer to help them move a few boxes, but you end up doing all the heavy lifting while they supervise with a drink in hand.

It starts innocently enough, with maybe a few extra tasks here and there. 

But before you know it, you’re doing all the work. 

It’s like the universe has a twisted sense of humor, and it’s testing just how much you’re willing to give.

And the worst part? 

Your efforts aren’t even recognized or appreciated because…

4) They never reciprocate your kindness

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You’ve always been there for them, lending them a hand whenever they needed it. 

But when the tables turn and you need a little favor yourself, they’re nowhere to be found.

Suddenly, they’re too busy, too tired, or too far away to help you out.

They give you excuses like, “Oh, I wish I could help, but I’m just so swamped right now” or “I totally would if I could, but you know how busy life is.”

It’s starting to feel like your relationship is one-sided

You’re always the one giving, and they’re always the one taking. 

And it’s not like you’re keeping score, but after a while, it starts to wear on you.

You start to wonder if they even know what “give and take” means. 

What hurts even more is that they’re not even sorry. Actually…

5) You always have to be the one to apologize

When you have disagreements or misunderstandings, you’re always the one who has to apologize, even if it’s not entirely your fault.

And it’s not that you enjoy apologizing for things you didn’t do. 

It’s just that you value the relationship enough to swallow your pride and keep the peace. 

However, they see your kindness and genuine care for them as an open invitation to take advantage of you, so even if they’re the ones who messed up, they don’t bother to make things right.

They just sit back, knowing that sooner or later, you’ll be the one saying sorry.

They’ll never be willing to meet you halfway. In fact…

6) They do unforgivable things to you and act like everything’s normal 

Perhaps they’ve done something that broke your heart or violated your boundaries. 

It could be betrayal, manipulation, or any form of abuse

But instead of showing remorse, apologizing, or acknowledging their mistake, they do nothing. 

They even have the audacity to deny what they did, gaslight you, and make you question your own reality.

They might say things like:

“What are you talking about? I have no idea what you mean.”

“You’re so sensitive.”

“You know me; I would never do that to you.”

They move on, go about their day as if nothing happened, and leave you feeling confused, hurt, and alone. What’s more…

7) They don’t show any empathy for you 

You might be pouring your heart out about a bad day at work, a breakup, or a family issue, and all they can give you is a half-hearted “that sucks”. 

Instead of encouraging you or sharing some kind words, they might seem indifferent or even clueless about what you’re going through. 

They might even make you feel worse by telling you that you’re overreacting or that you should just get over it.

The most annoying part is when they divert the topic to themselves and tell you how they once experienced the same problems and overcame them. 

This makes it seem like they’re only interested in talking about themselves and don’t really care about what you’re going through.

The truth is, they couldn’t care less about you, and they only thrive on your kindness. They’re happy to take from you, but they’re not willing to give back.

They will always be around until you’re drained dry. But when you’re the one struggling, they won’t offer any emotional support. No wonder…

8) You always feel like you lose something every time they are around

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It’s like you’re constantly handing over a piece of your soul to them. 

You’re always the one sacrificing your time, your money, your energy, and your emotional well-being, while they’re basically hoarding all the good things you have to offer.

Here are some examples of what I mean:

  • Trauma dumping: They unload all of their negative emotions on you without considering how it might affect you. This can be exhausting and emotionally draining, especially if they do it regularly.
  • Not asking for consent: They don’t ask for consent before venting, which indicates that they don’t care about your own sanity as long as they get access to your energy.
  • Not respecting your time or money: They don’t pay their loans or give you a heads up before showing up at your door. This shows that they don’t value your time or money and that they’re only thinking about themselves.

And this confuses you because there are times when being with them feels so good that it’s hard to see that…

9) They are only “lovebombing” you

They give you compliments and shower you with sweet gestures, constantly reassuring you with phrases like:

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.”

“I can’t live without you.”

And yes, it can be exhilarating! 

Who doesn’t love being adored and appreciated?

But underneath all those lavish displays of affection, there’s a hidden agenda

Lovebombers use this intense lovey-dovey behavior as a way to manipulate and take advantage of your kindness

They might seem like the perfect partner at first, but once they get what they want, they’ll start to show their true colors. This is when…

10) You start to question their true intentions

You might have known this person for quite a while now, and everything seems fine on the surface.

But deep down, there’s that little nagging doubt. There’s something off about their energy. 

And while you don’t want to be overly suspicious, you also don’t want to be naive.

You start questioning their motives and wondering if they have your best interests at heart.

If you find yourself feeling this way towards a person, it’s important to listen to your intuition

Your intuition is your inner voice, and it’s often trying to tell you something important.

In this case, your intuition is telling you that this person is taking advantage of your kindness.

Final thoughts

So, what do you do?

You set clear boundaries and redirect your kindness to those who deserve it. 

Remember, you’re not a doormat but a human being with feelings, needs, and limits.

You can still be kind without sacrificing your well-being

At the end of the day, the first person that you need to be kind to is yourself. 

Julienne Merza

Julienne Merza

Hey, I'm Julienne - a freelance writer with a passion for all things spiritual, wellness, and personal growth. I practice slow living in the countryside, where I have constant access to trees, wildflowers, and bodies of water. I love romanticizing the mundane and finding magic in life's simple moments. Through my work, I aspire to share my stories of healing and overcoming. If you feel aligned with my energy, please say hi to me on Instagram: @irishjulienne

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