8 signs someone is manipulating you, according to psychology

Ever felt that unsettling twinge in your gut, like something’s just not right in a relationship but you can’t quite pinpoint what? 

You may feel as if someone’s quietly pulling your strings, steering your thoughts or actions in a direction you wouldn’t naturally go. 

It’s hard to catch, as manipulation often masks itself under the guise of love or friendship. But knowing the signs is the first step to reclaiming your emotional freedom. 

In this article, we’ll delve into 8 psychological signs that you might be the target of manipulation. Knowledge is your best defense; let’s arm you with it.

1) You start doubting your sense of reality

Ever replay an argument or conversation in your mind, wondering if you’re the one who’s got it all wrong? When you’re around a manipulative person, your grasp on reality can feel like it’s slipping through your fingers. 

Psychologists refer to this as “gaslighting,” a tactic that keeps you off-balance and more susceptible to influence.

It’s not just about winning an argument for them; it’s about sowing seeds of doubt so deep that you start to question your own judgment and even sanity. 

I remember feeling this way in a past relationship; constantly confused and emotionally drained, struggling to convince him that I’m not crazy and that my recollections and feelings mattered. 

If you find yourself feeling this way, take a moment to pause and evaluate. It’s not you — it’s a classic manipulation tactic

Remember, you’re not alone, and acknowledging this sign is your first step toward gaining back control.

2) You end up apologizing for being upset

Have you ever found yourself saying sorry for feeling hurt or upset, even when you’re the one who’s been wronged? It’s a strange scenario: one that I’ve sadly lived many times with a close family member. 

Manipulative people are adept at turning the tables, making you feel like the “bad guy” for having natural, human emotions. 

They deflect attention from their own actions by focusing on your emotional response. 

Suddenly, the conversation shifts from what they’ve done to how you’re “overreacting” or “being too sensitive.”

Over time, I started feeling like I had to keep my emotions bottled up because they always ended up being “wrong”. 

But that’s as ridiculous as saying that your toes are “wrong”. Feelings are feelings, they are there and they have to be acknowledged — and yours are just as valid as anyone else’s. 

3) They use a lot of flattery and charm

Ah, the sweet allure of flattery and charm — it feels so good to be showered with compliments and attention, doesn’t it? 

But what if those honeyed words have an ulterior motive? Manipulative people often use charm as a cloak, masking their true intentions while making you feel special and important. 

The tricky thing is, it’s easy to fall for. You find yourself glowing under their praise, increasingly eager to please them. 

Before you know it, you’re bending over backward to meet their needs, often at the expense of your own well-being.

Here’s the catch: the flattery often has a shelf life. It’s frequently followed by requests or demands that serve their interests, not yours. 

And should you fail to comply, that charm can swiftly turn into disdain or indifference.

If you find that someone’s flattery seems too frequent or over the top, consider whether it’s genuine admiration or a manipulation tactic in disguise. Trust your instincts; they’re usually right.

4) The goalposts keep shifting

Have you ever felt like you’re running a race where the finish line keeps moving farther away? Just when you think you’ve met their expectations or resolved an issue, the rules change. 

Suddenly, what you thought was good enough isn’t anymore. This shifting of goalposts is a classic maneuver in the manipulator’s playbook

The objective? To keep you in a perpetual state of uncertainty and insecurity. When you’re constantly trying to meet changing standards, it’s hard to feel grounded or even know if you’re succeeding. 

And this perpetual imbalance plays right into their hands. 

I’ve lived this emotional merry-go-round, constantly chasing an elusive sense of approval that seemed always just out of reach. It’s exhausting, and it’s meant to be. 

Because the more drained you are, the easier it becomes for them to exert control.

If you notice that someone keeps changing the terms of your relationship or expectations, take a step back. It’s likely not a sign of growth or evolving needs, but rather a manipulative tactic designed to keep you off balance.

5) They refer to other people for strength in numbers

pic1456 8 signs someone is manipulating you, according to psychology

“Everyone thinks you’re overreacting.” “All my friends agree with me.” Sound familiar? 

Using the supposed opinions of others as a weapon is a common tactic manipulative people employ to reinforce their point and make you feel isolated. 

The idea is to make you question your own judgment by suggesting that a collective, often anonymous, group sees things their way. 

It’s a tricky tactic because it plants a seed of doubt in your mind. Are you the one who’s wrong if everyone else thinks differently? 

I’ve felt this kind of pressure before, and it’s easy to start second-guessing yourself when it feels like the world is against you.

But here’s the truth: even if they’re not making it up (and they often are), the opinions of others shouldn’t be used to belittle you or invalidate your feelings. 

Your experiences and emotions are your own and should be treated with respect, not subjected to a supposed majority rule.

6) You feel the need to prove your love

Have you ever found yourself going above and beyond, doing things you wouldn’t normally do, just to show someone how much you care? 

If it’s done purely out of love and because you want to, then great. But often, people are emotionally blackmailed into feeling like they need to prove their love or loyalty. 

And that’s a clear sign you’re being manipulated. 

The person pulling the strings often sets up tests or challenges, questioning your dedication to the relationship. 

They might make comments like, “If you really loved me, you would do this,” or, “Someone who truly cares would understand.” It’s a gut-wrenching feeling; suddenly love becomes a game of proving your worth.

It’s an emotional toll booth where you keep paying but never seem to move forward. And even when you pass one gate, pretty soon another one comes up. 

Real love doesn’t require constant proof; it thrives on trust, understanding, and mutual respect.

7) They withdraw their affection

Picture this: one moment, you’re the apple of their eye, showered with love and attention. The next, it’s as if you’ve fallen from grace, and they act distant, even cold. 

This sudden shift can make your head spin, leaving you craving the warmth you once felt. The absence of their affection feels like a punch to the gut, doesn’t it?

Here’s what’s really going on: By withdrawing their affection, the manipulator creates an emotional vacuum

It’s a tactic designed to make you chase after their approval and love, effectively giving them more control over you.

The unpredictability eats at you, causing you to wonder what you’ve done to lose their love. It’s a draining emotional rollercoaster that keeps you off balance, easier to manipulate, and constantly trying to regain their favor.

Remember, love shouldn’t be doled out as a reward or taken away as a punishment. If someone is manipulating their affection to gain power over you, it’s a sign that you’re in a relationship where control, not love, is the reigning force.

8) They have selective memory

“Didn’t we talk about this already?” “I never said that!” 

If these lines sound all too familiar, you may be dealing with someone who conveniently forgets key details or past conversations that don’t serve their agenda. 

It’s a feature of gaslighting, which we spoke about earlier, which makes it as if they have a filter in their memory that removes any evidence contradicting their narrative or exposing their manipulative behavior.

You start to wonder if you’re the one who’s forgetful or mistaken. It can lead you down a path of self-doubt, questioning your memory and even your sanity.

But here’s the reality check: if someone’s version of the past continually changes to suit their needs, chances are, they’re manipulating the story. 

Your memories are valid, and it’s highly unlikely that one person is always consistently wrong while the other one is always right. A much more probable explanation is that you’re being manipulated.

Take back control: recognize the signs and reclaim your life

Knowledge is your best defense against manipulation. If you’ve noticed any of these 10 signs in your relationships, it’s time to take a step back and reassess. 

No one deserves to live under someone else’s thumb, emotionally or otherwise. 

Trust your instincts, set firm boundaries, and don’t underestimate the value of your own well-being. 

Life is too short to be controlled by someone else’s whims. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, not those who pull you down. 

You deserve a life filled with genuine love, respect, and joy.

Picture of Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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