We all know that emotional security is a good thing, but how can you tell if someone has it? If you want to know more, there are three main areas to look at:
- Good communication
Read on to find out how these qualities show up in someone who feels at ease, content, and emotionally supported in their relationship.
1) They communicate with openness and honesty
People who feel good about themselves, their relationship and their partner, are usually able to express their feelings openly, sharing love, goals, hopes and dreams.
They are also able to show vulnerability, such as telling you, (in a calm and non aggressive way), when something doesn’t feel good.
Conversely, people who feel insecure are likely to hide their true feelings from their partner, because of the fear that they will be rejected.
2) Disagreements are settled with grace – mostly!
Part of open communication involves being able to disagree and resolve conflict in a healthy way.
Emotionally secure people will talk about their feelings and listen to yours, but they won’t expect that you always have the same viewpoint.
Everybody, even the most secure of people, will have moments of insecurity, and may act in ways that they wouldn’t normally, getting tearful, or upset.
The important thing is that most of the time, disagreements and conflict are dealt with calmly – using kindness, understanding, self awareness, open dialogue, compromise and empathy.
The opposite of this is someone who projects their fears and insecurities onto you, suspecting the worst when you have good intentions.
For example: they might assume you are lying or trying to manipulate them or twist their words. People who do this (without justification) tend to be carrying trauma or baggage from the past.
3) They make plans with their partner about the future
Someone who feels secure and good about their relationship, will want to plan a future together. That is because they trust that the partner is going to be there, and so it is only natural that both people would wish to make plans, and ensure that their future goals and visions align.
But on the flip side:
An insecure person will frequently think their partner is about to head for the door. This can lead to them avoiding speaking about future plans in case it ‘scares the other person off’.
It can also be a way for an insecure partner to feel like they are protecting themselves by having low expectations.
4) They show love and affection
A sure sign that someone is feeling confident about their partner and the shared bond, is showing their significant other love and affection.
Now, a word of caution: Not everybody displays their feelings in the same way
Author Dr. Gary Chapman explains the 5 different love languages, or 5 main ways that people show and communicate their love:
- Words of love and affirmation
- Spending quality time together
- Using physical touch
- Doing acts of service and care taking
- Giving gifts
5) You can be apart in social situations
Showing love is a sign that someone trusts you. Another sign of this is a partner who is happy for you to do your own thing in social situations.
For instance, you may be at a bar or party together. A confident partner will be happy for you to talk to other people and have fun, knowing and trusting that at the end of the night it’s them you love and will be going home with!
An insecure partner, on the other hand will often be clingy and will even get angry, jealous and possessive in social situations.
Tip: some people are more extroverted than others, and introverts may prefer to stick closer to their loved one.
Nevertheless they should still feel comfortable with their S.O. talking and socializing with other people.
6) They never snoop your phone or demand to know your every move
An important sign of a secure person in a relationship, is someone who would never snoop on your phone or social media.
Because they trust you! Trust (like all these signs) is a two way street, since the other person must display behaviors that engender trust.
However if those behaviors are present, then ultimately trust is a choice since you can never fully know what is going on in someone else’s mind or hearts.
The reverse of this:
Someone who seeks to gain trust by controlling you, wanting to know everything you have done, who you’ve spoken to and when, and generally monitoring your online and day to day activities!
7) They don’t get insecure if you forget to text on time
While we are on the subject of phones and texting, a sign I have noticed in relationships that I’ve had, is that emotionally secure people understand that you may not be able to reply to texts straight away, and give you the time and space you need.
Caveat: Text and phone time response is an individual thing, and some couples will agree on a particular schedule, particularly if they have children together, or just really enjoy fast communication.
When it all goes wrong, though, emotionally insecure people often see a delay in a response as a potential rejection of them and feel freaked out or suspicious if their partner doesn’t reply or answer the phone straight away.
8) They encourage independence and autonomy
Not checking someone’s phone or every move, and allowing some freedom in a relationship is a sign of respect for boundaries. And boundaries are a sign of respect for independence and autonomy
Another way to tell how someone is feeling in a couple is whether they encourage the other person to maintain a sense of self. This is usually achieved by cheering on your partner when they have interests or other things that don’t involve you.
That said, there is a mix, and in a healthy relationship you will still work together as a team!
An insecure relationship tends to become co-dependent, with people trying to keep each other close at all times, or encouraging and enabling unhealthy and restrictive behaviors.
Unlocking lasting love through emotional security
So why should you care about all of this?
An emotionally secure person knows that a relationship needs a solid foundation with trust, open communication, and support.
When both partners feel safe, understood, and cherished, well, that’s when the magic happens! You can grow, thrive, and conquer life’s adventures together.
So, don’t forget to embrace these signs – they’re like love potions that nurture and strengthen your connection! Emotional security in a relationship is the key to unlocking the true potential of a long lasting love story.