In dating and relationships, it’s a difficult truth that not every girl you’re interested in is worth giving your time and attention to.
She may have admirable qualities on the superficial level, but is actually kind of “meh” once you get to know her.
To avoid wasting your precious time on a girl who doesn’t deserve it, here is a definitive list of red flags and signs she’s not worth your time.
1) Everything is about her
Do you really want a girl who rambles on and on about her recent shopping spree but isn’t even interested in how your day went?
Imagine scoring a huge promotion at work or successfully defending your thesis but all she does is say okay and then proceeds to her choice of topic. She doesn’t even ask questions about you.
A conversation is a two-way flow of thoughts — a give and take.
So, if you’re feeling like it’s turning into a one-sided monologue from her end, then it means she’s not valuing your feelings and opinions.
This may happen a few times and you might ignore the signs early on, but if it keeps on happening, save yourself the trouble of dating a narcissistic and selfish girl.
2) She doesn’t make time for you
Couples need time to make relationships work.
Whether you’re still in the casual dating stage or you’re already in a serious commitment, you have to put extra effort to make time for each other.
If it feels like you’re always the one initiating a date and she always turns you down because of other priorities, then maybe she’s not that into you.
Yes, it’s understandable that adulting means setting priorities and giving importance to career-building and other goals. But if she can’t set aside even just a small fraction of her time for you, then it’s not worth waiting for her to be available anytime soon.
No matter how demanding work life and family matters can be, she will always make time for the relationship or soon-to-be relationship.
However, if she keeps on being MIA, this says a lot about her and her thoughts about you — you don’t have a place in her life just yet.
3) You both have different values
In the process of getting to know each other, it’s only natural that you’ll find some things that you don’t see eye to eye on.
It might be that you don’t have the same tastes in music or you have differing opinions about family planning. The question is, can you both accept that you have totally different wavelengths when it comes to these things?
If it’s something mundane and doesn’t affect your relationship and your future with each other, it’s okay to compromise or just let it be.
But if your differences revolve around your core values and principles — things that you feel strongly about — then chances are you’re just inviting a life full of collisions and arguments.
If this is the case, just allot your energy to more meaningful things than forcing yourself to have a relationship with a girl you do not share the same values with.
4) She isn’t over her ex
People say that it’s a good thing when a girl is completely open about her past.
She might talk to you about her ex as a form of catharsis or emotional release, or as a way to gain your trust.
But if the way she talks about her past relationship suggests that she’s not over him yet, then it’s a huge red flag for you.
Does she constantly complain about the pain and heartache she got from her past lover? Is she still interested with his ex’s social media updates?
Does his name always pop up in your conversations?
Uh-oh, you might just be her rebound.
Pay careful attention to how she talks about her ex and you’ll see a bunch of signs on whether she’s not over him yet or she already got over their breakup.
5) You always initiate the talk
For a relationship to form and flourish, you both have to be interested in getting to know each other.
It’s okay for you to put more effort at first, especially if you’re the one who made the first move. But if months go by without her even showing the tiniest bit of interest, spare yourself the heartbreak and let go.
Do you feel like you’re always chasing her around, waiting for her to message back, and not getting any substantial reply when she does?
If you’re always the one to message her first, then you might want to ask yourself whether there is a relationship between you two or if this is a one-way street with a dead end.
6) It feels like you can’t be your true self around her
At the start of every relationship, it’s totally okay to put on your best self to impress the girl you like.
However, when you reach a comfortable state, you need to learn how to be yourself around her and show her who you really are.
It doesn’t mean that her first impression about you is a fake one; rather, it means you’re slowly unraveling your deeper, more genuine self to her — without masks or pretensions.
But, when you’ve already been dating for months or years and you still feel like you’re walking on eggshells, you might want to think about the relationship you are currently in.
It might be that you can’t show her your true self because you’ve seen how judgmental she can be.
Or she constantly nags you to change something about yourself.
Either way, if you’re always worried that you’d make the wrong move around her, it’s time to walk away and give yourself the peace of mind you deserve.
7) She’s irrationally needy and clingy.
Yes, it feels good to be needed and wanted, but too much can negatively affect the relationship.
It can be flattering at first, but you will realize that it’s immature for her to expect you to be there on her every whim.
You are both adults who have different obligations in life. If she can’t accept that you have to go to work or have your alone time, your conversations will definitely get exhausting.
The relationship can get toxic if it feels like you always need to save her and come running to her even at the simplest inconvenience she encounters.
It will put too much pressure on you and the relationship, and this can stress and burn you out.
8) She isn’t loyal to you
Major red flag: she’s flirting with other guys!
If you haven’t agreed to be in an open relationship and she still talks to other guys behind your back, then she isn’t serious about you.
Here you are, giving your undivided love to your girl, and yet she’s making you feel like you’re not enough, even casual flirting can be considered as cheating, and you might need to accept the fact that she can’t stay loyal and committed to you.
If she chooses irresponsible fun over your feelings, maybe she’s not serious about making your relationship work.
9) She’s hot and cold often
Inconsistency is a total bummer.
She pampers you with attention one minute and forgets you exist right after, so you’re always left wondering about where you stand in her life.
Is she just awfully busy or is she toying with you?
You no longer know what to make of the mixed signals she’s been sending you.
If she only talks to you when it’s convenient for her or when she just needs something from you, stop questioning your worth and move on.
Maybe she’s not really interested in you and just wants you for a fling.
Bottom line is, you should never question your place in a person’s life because you deserve so much better than that.
10) You don’t feel like she’s there for you when you need her
Guys also need someone to lean on.
You might act tough and strong all the time, but you know you also need help from your girl every once in a while.
It doesn’t need to be about a huge problem or a complicated situation. It could just be a time in your life when you need her to listen to your rants.
So, when the girl you’re seeing is someone you can’t rely on for help or just plain comfort, there is a big chance that the relationship will go downhill in the future.
You are entering a relationship to have a partner you can depend on especially during tough times.
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Suffering from Empty and Draining Relationships?
The legendary shaman Rudá Iandê reveals the 3 most important factors to healthy and loving relationships (and to experience them right now).
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If she can’t be this person even at the start of the relationship, then she might not be someone you should devote your time to.
11) She isn’t nice to your friends
One of the most important milestones in your relationship is when you introduce her to your friends.
You’ll feel like you hit the jackpot when your girl and your friends instantly vibe with each other. At the least, they will act civil with one another for your sake.
At first, it’s okay to think that she’s just awkward around them like she’s a newcomer not knowing what to say.
But if she acts like a total snob and doesn’t make an effort to be nice to your friends, does she really want to fit in your world?
Worse, if she makes a scene every time you want to hang out with your friends, then perhaps she’s not someone you can make a happy relationship with.
Unless your friends are a bad influence on your life and you know it, then she has no reason to give you a hard time about it.
And once she makes you choose between her and your friends, you know the right decision. Hint: it’s not her.
12) She’s always jealous
Jealousy is a disease that will eat away your relationship if not treated.
It’s completely justifiable for her to be jealous if she caught you flirting or cheating with another girl.
But if she’s jealous for no reason at all, it’s something she should work out on her end without burdening you.
It’s going to be a rough and toxic relationship if she keeps on making baseless accusations about you.
It doesn’t even have to be about another girl; she might be jealous about your workload, your family, your friends, and even your time that you want to spend alone.
And if her jealousy turns to irrationality and emotional abuse, then it’s a sure sign that you have to stop giving her your time.
13) She’s not a nice person in general
She may be nice to you, but is she nice to others?
Do you see how she treats the waiter or some random stranger? Do you see how she behaves when she’s with her friends and family?
This is something you should look for and observe about her.
She might put her best foot forward at the onset of the relationship, but it’s only a matter of time before she shows her true colors and treats you the same way she treats other people.
If she’s not nice to others, do not expect her to be nice to you forever.
14) She doesn’t want to get married but you do (or vice-versa)
When the two of you have different goals and plans in life, it’s difficult to maintain the relationship at an equilibrium.
This applies to your perceptions about marriage and family planning.
If the relationship is becoming serious, it is time to ask the big questions. Does she want to get married? Do you?
If you have different opinions about it, compromises can be made. You can discuss why marriage is or isn’t important and offer alternatives that you can both be happy about.
But if you aren’t willing to arrive at an agreement, then the relationship is not worth pursuing.
It will just always be a sore point in your relationship and will put you in difficult situations over time.
15) She always wants your relationship to be picture-perfect
Sharing relationship milestones and events in social media is a common thing now.
Your girl might be someone who loves to flaunt you in her social media posts and photos, and that’s an amazing thing once you get used to it.
However, this can get toxic if she’s only showing you off on social media just to keep appearances.
When she’s more interested in posting pictures with you rather than actually conversing with you when you’re together, she might be a shallow person to begin with.
It might even come to a point that you’ll feel pressured to pull cheesy, romantic stunts like the viral couples you see on the Internet.
So, if you’re starting to feel like you’re just an object to add to her Instagram and Facebook feed, you need to leave.
16) She doesn’t take responsibility and never apologizes
Relationships are not for people who are clothed in pride.
There are times when you’ll hurt each other, unknowingly or not, and you’ll run into arguments that seem to drag on for days.
There will be periods in the relationship when problems arise and you can no longer pinpoint who’s wrong and who’s right between the two of you.
But the secret to a lasting relationship is in knowing how to say sorry and humble your pride.
It’s not about being right, but rather about being responsible and mature enough to patch things up.
So, if she isn’t willing to take her pride down a notch and always waits for you to apologize first during a misunderstanding, then she’s not the girl you want long-term.
17) She’s passive-aggressive all the time
You know it’s already difficult to understand women, but it’s way worse when you run into a passive-aggressive girl.
Most of the time, you don’t have a clue what she really wants.
Her “okay” doesn’t really mean okay, and her messages always seem cryptic. You’re already feeling like you need to hire professional codebreakers to decipher her thoughts and feelings!
If she expects you to know exactly what’s going on in her mind without her actually saying it, then that’s a lot of pressure on your part.
Unless she can be upfront and straightforward whenever she talks to you, you’re bound for a relationship drowning in confusion.
Stop wasting your time trying to understand her passive-aggressiveness. It’s not worth it.
18) She gives you no freedom and independence
One common reason relationships end is because one partner is too controlling.
It’s not a healthy relationship if you feel like a caged animal. You have to update her where you are or what you’re doing every second of the day, or you’ll never hear the end of it.
You even have to ask her for permission when you want to hang out with your friends, and you can’t oppose her when she says no.
Then you realize — wow, she’s even worse than your mom.
If she always has the final say on everything and you can’t even decide what to have for breakfast, just scram!
19) She blackmails you
One red flag in a relationship is when the girl blackmails you.
This is surely psychotic.
If a girl loves you, there should be no emotional blackmailing happening in the relationship.
A stable and happy relationship has little to no room for fear, guilt, and forced obligations.
So, if she starts blackmailing you so you won’t leave her or so that she gets what she wants, save yourself the trouble and walk away from the relationship.
20) She has nothing in common with you
Honestly, if you don’t share even the smallest common ground with her, will you really be interested in getting to know each other?
Shared hobbies and interests are a necessary first step in every relationship, may it be friendship or romantic partnership.
These are areas where you find yourself most connected with her.
If you have nothing in common, then it’s a sign you’re not really compatible with each other. You might really like her, but you can’t keep the conversation going when you’re not interested in the same things.
It’s never worth your time to force a connection that is never there in the first place.
How this one revelation changed my love life
It’s Justin Brown here, the co-founder of Ideapod, and I have something to confess…
I used to believe I needed to be successful before I deserved to find someone who could love me.
I used to believe there was a “perfect person” out there and I just had to find them.
I used to believe I would finally be happy once I found “the one”.
What I now know is that these limiting beliefs were stopping me from building deep and intimate relationships with the people I was meeting. I was chasing an illusion that was leading me to loneliness.
If you want to change anything in your life, one of the most effective ways is to change your beliefs.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy thing to do.
I’m lucky to have worked directly with the shaman Rudá Iandê in changing my beliefs about love. Doing so has changed my life forever.
Now, Rudá’s teachings can change your life, too.
As the co-founder of Ideapod, I’m in a unique position to be able to bring Rudá’s teachings to our global community.
We do this by promoting his masterclasses.
One of the most powerful masterclasses he has is the love and intimacy masterclass. In this class, Rudá breaks down his key lessons on cultivating healthy and nurturing relationships in your life.
Thousands of people have already let me know that this masterclass has changed their love lives for the better.
Justin Brown, Ideapod Founder