Paul Brian
There’s a big difference between a closed off, cold person and somebody who’s just more of a lone wolf.
The following article takes a look at whether you’re a cold person or just more on the independent side.
Here are the top signs you’re not cold, you’re just independent.
1. You need your space
The first of the signs you’re not cold, you’re just independent is that you need your space.
You find that a lot of socializing and mixing with others tires you out or gets you a little cranky.
It’s not that you don’t like people or don’t appreciate them.
It’s simply that you need space in the same way a house plant needs water and sunlight.
Being cold is a choice and a behavioral disposition.
Needing your space is just a personal requirement for your healthy functioning and happiness.
2. You’re introspective
Introspective individuals think a lot and reflect on themselves and on life.
They appreciate others and may be very well liked and contribute to many areas of life.
But at the end of the day, being an introspective person does tend to mean you spend more time alone and thinking.
Reflecting and personal growth often goes on in the quiet corners or the nights or mornings alone:
On quiet walks by a river…
Hiking alone on a trail and pondering life and love…
Reading a book in the den while smoking a fine cigar and thinking about the deep ideas you’re ingesting.
3. You’re more of a listener
When you don’t tend to talk much it can come across as cold.
But the truth is that some of us are just more of a listener.
If you find that you’re often listening to people and really understanding and empathizing with what they say but simply don’t have much you want to respond:
You’re not cold, you’re just more independent and more of the temperament who’d prefer to listen than to chip in and offer your own take or input.
Being more of a listener is an introverted trait, but it’s also very valuable.
You provide more space for others to talk and communicate and share with you in a world full of people who all want to be heard.
4. You prefer to work solo
The next of the signs you’re not cold, you’re just independent is that you prefer to work solo.
Whether it’s a project in your own life or a work assignment, you genuinely prefer to do it yourself.
This isn’t due to any antipathy toward your colleagues or dislike of those you work with.
It’s simply that you’re more of an independent worker.
You find you can focus more and have clarity when you’re going it alone.
This may lead to self-employment or an independent position within a company.
Wherever it leads, it’s not necessarily a sign of being a cold or closed person.
To the contrary, it’s just a desire and skill at solo work and self-motivation.
5. You find the drama of others unnecessary
Let’s face it:
There’s a reason soap operas are still on TV.
It’s because millions of people watch them, especially in places like South America where I live currently.
I don’t personally partake in the soap opera circuit, although I admit to sometimes being partial to drama and gossip.
But as someone who’s more independent, you may find that the drama and gossip of others just tires you out.
You’re not cold, nor do you consider yourself “superior.”
It’s just that you’d really rather spend your time on other things than worrying about talking about or worrying about the lives of others.
Now if a friend asks you for help or advice you’re going to do your best:
But you don’t voluntarily jump into arguments or drama, because it’s just not your thing and you feel like your involvement is only likely to make things more tense anyway in most cases.
6. You care about others, you just dread codependency
Cold people shut down their feelings for others or at least don’t demonstrate them.
But as an independent lone wolf, you are able to show that you care about others and you do.
Your reserve doesn’t come from a coldness, but instead is just a product of knowing the dangers of emotional codependency.
You are fine with others asking for help, and you ask for it sometimes yourself, as we all do.
But at heart you simply don’t want to be responsible for the wellbeing of somebody else unless it’s your own child or a disabled person who literally relies on you.
Other than that, you’d rather everyone take responsibility for themselves.
This can sometimes be misunderstood, as the next point gets to.
7. You expect respect and independence in your love life
A cold person doesn’t open up to others and tends to have one-sided relationships that are unfulfilling and end poorly.
An independent person is willing to open up and values love and romance, it is just that he or she expects respect and some measure of independence in return.
For this reason, codependence of any kind or power imbalances in a relationship are not something you have much time for.
For example, if you’re married and your husband is going through a hard time, you’re going to be there for him.
But if he starts expecting you to take responsibility for making him happy or fixing his life, that’s where you draw the line.
Even your own husband isn’t your child or ward, he’s a grown man.
You’re not cold or unfeeling, and you may love him deeply.
But you’re not willing to get into codependence territory and go down the slippery slope of taking responsibility for someone else’s emotional wellbeing.
8. You like to laugh but don’t tell jokes much
The next of the signs you’re not cold, you’re just independent is that you like to laugh but simply aren’t much of a joker.
You either aren’t very funny or don’t think you are.
At the very least, you’re shy about telling jokes or imparting your wit.
As such, people may sometimes perceive that as cold, but it’s actually just the way you are.
In fact, you love to laugh and when others tell funny stories or get people laughing.
You just aren’t often the one initiating that laughter.
9. You’re shy and introverted
This brings up the point that sometimes you come across as cold when in reality you’re simply shy and introverted.
You need time alone to recharge, as I noted, and you’re also socially awkward and shy.
You may sometimes find that others think you’re brushing them off when, in fact, you just are feeling shy or not sure how to act in a certain situation.
This can lead to some miscommunications in dating and friendship, but it’s not you being cold, it’s just your shy traits.
10. You’re extroverted, but you’re the strong silent type
On the flip side, you may be an extrovert who loves the company of others, with one exception:
You prefer to lead or at least be highly respected.
And you don’t talk a lot.
Is this “cold?”
Not at all.
Many extroverts and “alpha” males and females are simply more about doing than talking.
You may not smile all the time, in part because you’re focused on the task at hand, not winning friends or influencing people.
You’re on mission, and you may come across as pretty serious, but at the end of the day it is just your independent leadership style getting the job done.
That’s not cold, that’s just competence.
