It ranks up there in the hardest possible things in life:
You love somebody, or at least you used to love them, but your relationship has reached a dead end.
You’ve tried to bring it back, you’ve done your best to work through all the issues but it’s just not happening.
Sometimes it’s not even very dramatic.
You just have this sneaking feeling that it’s time to end things even though your heart, head or body says no.
Here’s how to know for sure that you need to end your relationship even if it’s going to break your heart.
1) You no longer feel any spark
Attraction has three main levels, intellectual, emotional and physical.
Many people talk about the spark which is an initial feeling of strong attraction on one or all of these levels.
If you simply no longer feel any spark this can be an unfortunate but decisive reason to end the relationship.
If you feel like you might as well be in a relationship with anybody else, then why aren’t you?
A relationship should be special and committed rather than just ubiquitous. If not, it’s time to end it.
2) Your core values no longer align in any way
Partners do not have to be ideological twins, nor do they have to align on everything. In fact I do believe it is correct that sometimes opposites attract.
However if you find that you and your partner no longer align on any core values, how are you supposed to build a life together?
This is a fair question and something that is worth your time to consider.
At this point if you find that there is no potential of you aligning in terms of what motivates you in life, it is time to go your separate ways.
3) Your partner intentionally plays with your emotions
Respect is a cornerstone of every relationship and having a partner who has at least basic respect for your emotions and psychological well-being is a precondition.
If your partner plays with your emotions and intentionally manipulates you in hurtful ways, it is time to sever this connection.
This may hurt deeply and there may be aspects of your partner that you still appreciate and are attracted to, however it is not within your purview to change how they are behaving.
It is time to accept your limits of control and draw a firm boundary of what you will and will not accept.
4) Your partner uses jealousy to provoke and hurt you
On a related note is the topic of jealousy.
Some jealousy is normal in a relationship, but it can quickly spiral into a toxic and unhealthy emotional state.
That’s especially true when your partner weaponises jealousy against you.
If your partner is using jealousy to intentionally play with you and make you feel insecure, this is another sign that the relationship has grown deeply toxic.
Of course, this is something that you tend to discuss and try to work through, however it does not mean that you can necessarily get over it.
This level of disrespect has the capacity to harm you on the deepest level is not something you should accept if you respect yourself.
You deserve to be with someone who also respects you.
5) Your partner plays mind games and tries to control you
Many of the worst relationships I’ve seen are those in which one or both partners try to control each other.
This goes far beyond advice or trying to influence her guard each other and still on that actually trying to control and determine what each other does. This is extremely toxic and only gets worse with time. Unless you and your partner are actively working through these Tendencies within yourself individually and as a couple it is time to end it for good and
6) Your partner refuses to communicate or work through issues with you
Many of the issues in this article are possible to discuss and work on with your partner as well as on the individual level.
However if your partner refuses to discuss or compromise in any way based on the problems that are happening there is a limited amount that you can do about it.
It is reasonable to say that you have done what you can and now it is time to move on.
Nobody can run a relationship all by themselves without any input or effort from their partner.
At this point it starts to become clear that you need to start living your own life again. Unfortunately, that means saying goodbye.
7) You just aren’t in love anymore
What does it mean to be in love?
That is a question that is worth discussing in more detail, however as I mentioned at the beginning there are at least three levels to attraction including the emotional, intellectual and physical.
If none of these levels exist for you or if only one of them is really happening and the relationship is at best shallow and at worst deeply toxic.
If you aren’t in love anymore you owe it to yourself and your partner to move on and give each other a chance to meet someone who they actually want to form a permanent bond with.
Nobody should ever be someone’s second choice and should never feel like they are with someone out of fear rather than aspiration.
8) You’ve realized that you were never really in love to start with
One of the scariest emotions you can have is to realize that you have been in a relationship with someone that you were never in love with to begin with.
You may respect them deeply or find them interesting or absorbing in various ways, however if you never had that deep emotional connection to start with, why are you with them?
Granted, it is likely to be very hard to cut your ties when you are already in deep, especially if you live together or have many mutual friends, however the best thing you can do is to get out while you still can.
Plenty of people only realize this once they already have families and children and it is even worse.
If you realize that you are only with your partner for any reason other than actually being in love with them, it is absolutely time to end the relationship.