8 signs he will probably never commit to you, according to psychology

So you’ve met a guy and think he’s great. But is he as into this “thing” as you are?

Maybe he’s been leading you on a bit, and when you try to talk about committing he shies away, changes the subject or you stop hearing from him for a while.

For a lot of men, commitment takes time, but how do you figure out if this guy is ever going to commit to you or not?

Psychology says that if he shows these 9 signs he’s more likely in it for a bit of fun rather than a long-term relationship. So read on to find out if he’s in it for the long haul or just wants some fun.

1) He avoids planning for the future

Have you been trying to plan for the holidays and this guy just won’t give you an answer?

Chances are if he’s avoiding committing to holiday plans, he’s also avoiding committing to you.

Here, sex and relationship educator, Kelly Gonsalves explains that if a man avoids planning for the future, he’s straight-up not interested in a future with you.

And if he’s only talking about his plans, ones that you definitely wouldn’t fit into, then that’s another huge hint that he’s not taking things seriously.

2) He won’t define the relationship

I don’t know about you, but I’ve dated many men before who say, “I don’t like to put a label on it”. Which actually means, yep you guessed it, I’m not 100% sure I want to commit to you.

I’ve been strung along so many times in the past, that if a man won’t define his relationship with me, I know straight away to give it up.

This psychologist says that if he’s not defining the relationship, he might be stringing you along.

Another clue might be that he never calls you his partner, or any other relationship-type name that you’d expect from someone who did want to commit to a relationship.

3) Resistance to compromise

How many times have you changed your schedule for this guy, only for him to never do the same?

Do you have to be the one who compromises every time something comes up?

According to this therapist, if a man you’re dating is resistant to compromise then it’s not a healthy relationship.

Often men think they don’t want to settle for less and they use this as an excuse not to compromise. But compromise is a 2-way street and both partners have to work equally at it or one person ends up feeling bitter or resentful.

4) Lack of trust

Have you noticed that even though you trust him, this guy doesn’t seem to trust you back?

Perhaps you’re happy to send him off with your bank card to buy snacks but he won’t do the same.

Maybe you don’t care if he has the pin to your phone but he won’t even let you near his.

This kind of behavior screams a lack of trust.

Here, the psychologist says, without trust there can’t be a sustainable relationship. So if he doesn’t trust you, he’s not thinking of you as a long-term partner.

People often have trust issues due to trauma, however, if this guy is also displaying some of these other non-committal behaviors, then I’m sorry to say that it’s not looking good for you.

5) You can’t rely on him

Are you super reliable but you couldn’t even count on this man to put out the trash on the right day?

This psychologist explains that a relationship is about 2 people working together as a team.

How will the relationship work if this guy is someone you can’t rely on? If you’re the only one putting in the effort, then you’re on your own and he’s likely not going to commit to you.

I remember seeing a guy once and even if we’d planned to meet up on a certain day, he wouldn’t always show. It was so frustrating because I liked him. But after a while, I realized that he wasn’t as into me as I was into him, and had to give it up.

He just wasn’t worth all the effort.

6) Prioritizes independence

How many times have you tried to organize something with this guy and he’s said “No” because he wanted to do something for himself?

We all need to put ourselves first at certain times, but if you’re always coming second you need to stop and reassess the situation.

Psychologist, Linda Blair explains that if he prioritizes the rest of his life over you, it’s time to pack up and move on. She says that if he’s not willing to discuss things that make you happy, for example, a commitment, then he’s likely not serious about you.

7) Doesn’t go deep with you

What do we all want with our partners? A deep, intimate relationship where we can be vulnerable and honest.

If this is too much for him, the writer of this article says that it’s a sign that he doesn’t want a relationship.

It takes some time to get to this point with anyone usually, but no one can have a real relationship with someone unless they talk about the hard stuff.

How can you know someone if you don’t know where they’ve been in life and how they truly feel about things?

8) Very flirtatious

If I’m out with a guy and he’s off flirting with other women it makes me feel like I’m not good enough, how about you?

Sometimes I just want to walk away, and other times it makes me feel like I should try harder to get his attention.

None of these feelings are good ones

Unfortunately, this psychologist suggests that if this guy is a big old flirt, it’s a sign that he might be a womanizer.

She also explains how a womanizer leads different women on, making them think that he wants something serious, but in reality, he only wants a good time or it could just be for attention.

Not someone who will commit, or who we should want to commit to.

Final thoughts

According to this psychologist, guys are either all in or not at all. So if he’s showing inconsistent behavior or a few of the signs that I’ve mentioned above, then it might be time to start looking elsewhere for your future husband.

But what most of the articles I’ve read have advised is this – the best way to find out if he’s keen on a commitment is by asking.

Picture of Louisa Lopez

Louisa Lopez

Louisa is writer, wellbeing coach, and world traveler, with a Masters in Social Anthropology. She is fascinated by people, psychology, spirituality and exploring psychedelics for personal growth and healing. She’s passionate about helping people and has been giving empowering advice professionally for over 10 years using the tarot. Louisa loves magical adventures and can often be found on a remote jungle island with her dogs. You can connect with her on Twitter: @StormJewel

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