You’re in a relationship with a guy who’s already taken. You really like him, and think what you have is truly special, so you can’t help but wonder when he’ll ever leave his girlfriend to be with you instead.
Sometimes cheating is a sign that a relationship is about to fall apart, and you might wish that were the case with him but it isn’t always that way. You have to know when there’s clearly no future for both of you so you can get on with your life.
In this article, I will show you 15 clear signs that he’s still committed and will never leave his girlfriend for you.
1) He’s a good guy
Take a moment to think who he really is and what he’s like. Does he seem like he’s a player or not? Maybe he just fell to temptation because you’re hella attractive and awesome. He never really gave it much thought.
He’s just human after all and we humans are all flawed in our own way. So it might just be the case that he’s a genuinely good guy, and he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone. He can’t bear the thought of hurting his girlfriend.
Even if he truly fell in love with you, he’s likely to stay with his girlfriend just to avoid hurting her. He might even tell you just how conflicted he’s feeling about the whole situation, and it might be true if he’s a genuinely good guy.
2) He follows a straight path
He grew up in a stable home, has a stable job, and has good savings. He doesn’t have vices and debt. In other words, he’s a man that’s walking a straight path…well, up until he met you, that is.
He’s risk-averse and would prefer to be in the safe harbor.
If the only big risk he’s ever made is being with you, it might just be a phase.
One day, he will try to do the right thing again and chances are, the right thing for him would be to go back to his girlfriend or have a fresh start as a single man.
3) He’s currently going through a life crisis
It could be that he’s going through a quarter-life crisis or midlife crisis. He might have been living a pretty good life, only for him to get struck down by the restlessness and depression that comes with middle age.
And in this state, people like him are going to do plenty of things that they would have otherwise not done. They’d stop eating, get drunk, and, yes, cheat.
There have been studies done on why people cheat despite having an otherwise perfect life, and it’s because people simply want to be someone else for a change. To live out the choices they never got to take when they were younger, and which they felt like they were missing out on.
So if you think this is your guy, don’t expect him to truly commit to you. He hasn’t necessarily fallen out of love with his girlfriend. He’s just relying on you to give him that taste of what could have been.
4) He never talks about it
No matter how long the two of you have been together, he never really talks about breaking up with his girlfriend so that he could be with you. You might ask him “so, when are you leaving her” and he’d mumble something then change the topic.
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He never talks about breaking up with her simply because he never ever considered it or wanted it. He might be cheating on her with you, but that doesn’t mean he wants to let her go.
It could be that he’s a little indecisive. Maybe you can bide your time. It’s really up to you when you decide to say you’re finally done but don’t forget that you deserve someone who would want a future with you, nothing less.
5) He often cancels plans
He might have had a date with you planned on Friday, but then he says that he can’t because his girlfriend wants to go somewhere else with him that day.
And it’s been happening a lot already. He doesn’t seem to care about you even though he feels guilty when it happens.
When he keeps on cancelling plans with you like this for his girlfriend, it probably means that he still holds her dear.
Well sure, it’s perfectly possible that he’s just worried he’d get caught and that he’s in fact doing that for both of you. But it’s also possible that he’s really having a good time with his girlfriend and he knows that he can just cancel plans with you because you perfectly understand your situation.
You might think “well duh, of course—she’s his girlfriend, so obviously he puts her needs above mine” and… yes, that’s exactly why!
A man who is willing to leave his girlfriend behind for you wouldn’t be so worried about her needs.
6) They have children
Your chances of tearing him away from his girlfriend is going to drop low if he has kids with her.
He might have cheated on his girlfriend with you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to abandon his responsibilities just for you. This is especially the case if, despite his infidelity, he still clearly loves his family and cares for them.
Most of the time, if a man leaves his family—and his kids—simply so that he could be with you, he doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship in the first place.
It’s a different matter, of course, if he and his girlfriend are clearly having problems and are already trying to break up. It could be that she’s abusive and he wants out, or the two of them just don’t get along, or maybe she cheated on him too.
But even then, there’s a lot to keep in mind when children are involved, such as custody. So don’t get your hopes too high up and if you do end up together, be prepared for the whole package.
7) They’re going through a rough patch.
It could be that they’re simply going through a very rough patch as a couple. Maybe they’re on a temporary break, and he wants to escape for a bit or have another relationship to latch on to in case the two of them break up for real.
Relationships aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. There will always be a risk of rain, the occasional touch of pain.
Every couple deals with it differently, but it’s not unusual for couples to have temporary affairs after huge breakdowns and fights. Sometimes it’s simply for some relief and emotional support, and sometimes it’s deliberate and intended to stir their partner’s jealousy and anger.
You’ll be left high and dry when the two of them do manage to fix their relationship. And if they don’t?
There’s always a chance that, yes, he’ll stay with you. But what’s more likely is that he’ll leave both of you and look for someone who won’t remind him of the pain. Unless, of course, he feels that you’re “the one” for him.
8) He is not willing to put their relationship at risk
You might laugh and say “he’s cheating, so he IS putting his relationship at risk” but just because he cheated doesn’t mean he wants his relationship to end.
What’s done is done, so the best he could do is to try to do some damage control.
He might do his best to keep you away from her, or make sure you don’t know her so that you can’t call her. Or maybe he’d make sure to meet you somewhere that you know his friends won’t be able to follow him to so that the affair can be kept a secret.
Or it could be that when you run to meet him while he’s with people he knows, he’d suddenly act like he doesn’t know you, or say that you’re “just a friend.”
He’s afraid that his girlfriend will know about you and the fact that he’s cheating on her.
If he’s willing to let her go, it will bother him of course because he’s a good guy and he wants to end things right (he’s just waiting for the right time), but he won’t get too paranoid.
In fact, a part of him might even think it’s a blessing that he got caught because for him, it’s supposed to end anyway. If he’s extremely terrified about getting caught, that’s because he doesn’t want things to change.
9) They’re opening their relationship
Sometimes people simply come to a realization that monogamy is not for them and so they might decide to open their relationship. If this is the case, he would have a relationship with you with his girlfriend’s approval.
If the only kind of relationship you’ve ever known is monogamy and you’re not open to the idea of an open relationship, you might be tempted to try tearing him away from her.
Don’t do it. You’re not ever going to tear him away from her, not when she has given her consent to what he’s doing.
In that case, you should probably leave the two of them alone and let them find someone who’d be more willing to work with their arrangement.
But if you’re perfectly willing to become part of their open relationship, then you should be fine sticking by the two of them. She might even join him and try to build a relationship with you too.
10) He prefers to live in the present
So he gives you the sweetest hugs and kisses, and tells you you’re the best girl in the world. But every time you try talking about your future together, he freezes and stutters like a criminal caught red-handed.
This is a very clear sign that he’s not going to leave her just to be with you. He doesn’t talk about a future with you because he’s not even sure there is one.
As far as he’s concerned, you’re here with him in the present and he’s just enjoying the moment. He doesn’t want to think about next year or even next week. It stresses him out and he’d like to keep things exactly as they are—right here, right now.
Carpe Diem is his life motto.
11) They still seem happy together
He might say that he’s no longer in love with her.
He might even use you as a confessional booth as he airs every single complaint that he might have of her, such as her being too distant, too busy, or too careless with the kids. You might even get the impression that he hates her.
But strangely enough, when you do see the two of them together, they look perfectly happy. You see genuine smiles on both their faces. Even on social media, they seem to get along so well that it’s almost like they’re truly meant for each other.
He might be saying that he’s just putting up with her but everything you see tells you otherwise.
It could be that he truly does have things he hates about his girlfriend. Maybe after some time apart or with some prodding he might begin ranting about her. But despite that, he clearly loves her truly and deeply, from the depths of his heart.
There’s a chance that they might be twin flames bound in a romantic relationship, which would explain why they are so volatile even though they get along so well.
12) He still does cute things for his girlfriend
When he drops by a bakery to buy strawberry shortcake, you would just know that he’d get his girlfriend’s favorite.
When he hears that she’s low on money, he won’t hesitate to send her money even if they just got into a fight and are keeping their distance from one another.
Even if it feels like their relationship has kind of gotten a bit worn down, and even if he spends more time with you lately, it’s clear that he still loves her.
He’s at the forefront of his mind and chances are that even if he does break up with her to be with you, he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking of her and caring for her.
13) You’re not the first one he calls
When something bad happens, or when we feel down and beaten, we call the first person who makes us feel like home.
If you’re not the person he calls first, then he probably won’t leave his girlfriend for you.
It means that he doesn’t feel that sense of ease around you that he feels with someone else—probably his girlfriend—and even if he does leave her, you wouldn’t be the first person he’ll go to.
You’re probably not that significant to him emotionally that he would turn to you when he’s down, or that he’d prioritize you when it comes to talking about the things that had been going on in his life. So why would he leave his girlfriend to be at your side?
14) What you have is purely physical
Most of the time, men get involved in physical cheating. You might even know this yourself, that your relationship with him is founded on mutual lust—a desire for each other’s bodies.
You can trust that he’s not going to leave his girlfriend just for you if your relationship is purely physical. His body might lust after yours, but his heart doesn’t.
New studies also show that women and men have different views on infidelity. Women are more willing to forgive a partner who’s cheated physically so if ever his girlfriend does find out, it might be tough on them but the chance of them getting back together is still high.
You don’t want to be the one left alone and bruised if you’ve fallen madly in love with someone who’s just into you physically.
15) You’re not the only mistress
There are men who are innately good but are just confused and then there are those who just don’t care. In fact, we know many men who take pride in having many women.
You know he’s cheating on his wife with you. You also know that you’re not alone.
Maybe you’ve seen him walk into bars with girls other than you or your wife, or maybe he tells you outright about the other girls he’s been hanging out with. Maybe he even had you and at least one other mistress of his.
If this is the case, then you should know that he’s not likely to leave his girlfriend for you.
And even if he does leave his partner, he will have more than enough people to choose from, and it’s not entirely possible that he’ll choose you.
But let’s say he’ll end up choosing you. You know deep in your heart that he’s still going to keep his other mistresses on hand even if he promises to change. Once a cheater always a cheater? In this case, it’s highly likely. Especially if he’s always been like this.
If you spot most of these signs, then he probably doesn’t want you to be anything more than a side chick. He might even be considering ending his affair with you if that’s what it takes to keep his relationship safe.
And since you’re reading this, it’s clear that you’re just not happy with the way things are going.
Look, you’re attractive, smart, and sensible. You’re a high-value woman worth marrying so treat yourself like a queen. Stay if you feel like you can be a queen with this man, leave if you still feel like a second choice.