When you’re in love with someone and feel a deep connection, sex can be much more than “just sex.” You feel a profound energy flow between you and a desire that transcends the purely physical.
Is he just using you for sex and chasing time between the sheets or is there a deeper part of your experience together that means more to him?
The truth is that how a man behaves in bed mirrors his overall respect and intentions toward you in your relationship, so it’s extremely important to understand what’s really going on.
Keep reading for the 30 biggest signs that he’s really into making love to you and that it’s more than “just sex” for him, too. And keep in mind this quote:
“There’s a huge difference in sex and making love. We have sex with someone who can satisfy us physically, but we make love to someone who can satisfy us soulfully and eternally. Once you realize the fine-line between making love and having sex, you will understand the meaning of life! Life isn’t only about survival, it’s about living and so is making love.”
— Mehek Bassi
1) Eye contact
If he holds eye contact and meets your gaze with gusto then there’s a good chance that the sex is on another level for him, too.
When he looks into your eyes as he makes love to you, he’s showing his deep appreciation and connection with you and also responding to your expression with his lovemaking.
When he avoids eye contact it can be a sign that he’s shy in some cases, but it can also mean you’re mostly just an intimate encounter for him and don’t mean much more to him than a path to his next orgasm.
2) Focus on giving
The partner who truly is into you will genuinely care about your pleasure. He will react intuitively and intentionally to your desires and give generously to make you climax and relish your time together.
He will go down on you, massage you, kiss you gently and ask what you like most in sex. He’ll change his speed and care about what you like: he will moan and give sounds of pleasure to show he likes it, too.
The fellow who really feels for you will care about your physical pleasure and act accordingly.
He won’t just be a racehorse galloping for the finish line.
Now, If you want your guy to give more in bed, then you need to know about the hero instinct.
It’s a new concept in relationship psychology that explains why some men give as much as they can to women sexually, while others are only in it for themselves.
Simply put, men want to step up for the woman they care about and earn her respect in return.
This is deeply rooted in male biology.
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When a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he will be far more giving in bed and much more likely to commit to a long-term relationship.
To learn more about this game-changing concept, and how you can use it to your advantage with a man you care about, watch this excellent free video.
3) Kisses for miles
Kissing someone you don’t care about can feel kind of blah. It’s just … nothing, really.
Kissing someone you care about and love can feel like you just won the mega jackpot lottery. You get lost in it, you feel tremors through your whole body.
4) You want to do it again — and again
When your guy is making love to you and wants you on a level beyond temporary sex he will kiss you frequently on your lips and all over your body.
He will worship you with his lips, showing his desire and his intensity of emotions for you.
It’s hard to miss the difference between a quick peck and a deep kiss: you’ll know.
5) Next-level pillow talk
One of the best parts of making love is the emotional connection and the conversations that take place, especially after sex.
It’s a well-known stereotype that guys just want to sleep after sex and don’t usually like pillow talk much. But the truth is that for many guys they do enjoy talking to their lover after sex – if they are truly into her.
Topics can get deep and personal, and build the connection you have.
6) You will feel like you can open up to him, too.
This next-level pillow talk is a sign that you’ve been making love, not just having sex.
He takes his time
He usually won’t cut straight to penetration when he’s really into you.
Well, sometimes you just can’t resist and the main entree comes up right away, but in general, you will notice that he takes his time.
There’s affectionate, intimate foreplay, kissing, touching and all sorts of closeness before the main act.
Just like you, your man wants to savor your time together and build up the anticipation. You mean more to him than only release: you’re a person he truly cares about and relishes his time with.
He’ll take his time because he enjoys every pleasurable interaction with you, not only the sex.
7) He’s vulnerable and shows his emotions
There are special moments that occur before, during, and after lovemaking that open up new frontiers in your relationships.
Old traumas and triumphs can emerge, emotions rush to the surface, laughter and tears spring up.
These are all healthy and clear signs of a man who is making love to you and who values you in a holistic way.
You’ll be able to feel it when he’s opening up to you: he bares his soul and invites you to bare your soul.
It’s risky and raw, but all real lovemaking is exactly that.
The best bit? It’s actually pretty rare.
The fact is that male and female brains are biologically different. That’s why women are more in touch with their emotions and guys can struggle to process feelings, leading to serious commitment issues.
If you’ve ever been let down by an emotionally unavailable man before, blame his biology rather than him.
I learned this from relationship expert Amy North. In her excellent free video, you’ll learn about her life-changing solution for dealing with emotionally unavailable men.
Amy North’s techniques work surprisingly well on even the coldest and most commitment-phobic men.
If you want science-based techniques to make a man fall in love with you, this video is well worth checking out.
8) Say my name, say my name
Another big sign that you’re more than just a fling is your name. When he says your name during lovemaking it can be a telltale indicator that he cares about you.
He wants to emphasize your intimacy, show that he cares about you personally not just the physical act.
He whispers your name, moans it, shouts it. He’s into you.
Return the favor by saying his name, too.
9) He doesn’t want to leave
If you’ve been with a guy who’s not serious at all you know the feeling: the sex reaches a crescendo and finishes and before you can count to three the guy is doing a kind of stop, drop and roll out of bed and putting on his shoes.
Well … bye.
The feeling can be distasteful like you’ve just been used like a product or something.
When a guy’s into you he doesn’t have to fake wanting to stay. He’ll stick around and chat, make some food, share a cup of tea with you or watch a movie.
Simple: he wasn’t just there for the sex, he was making love as part of his overall love for you.
10) He doesn’t hide the depth of his desire for you
When he’s making love to you he will let loose.
He’ll make noises, thrust deeply, cradle you in his arms. He won’t try to hide how deeply he’s into you.
He won’t be self-conscious, detached, or robotic.
He’ll be fully with you, present, engaged, and on fire with physical and emotional desire.
Watch for it and you’ll know.
11) The look of love
When you’re trying to assess if the sex is “just sex,” sometimes appearances can tell you a great deal.
After you make love look over at him. Is he avoidant, nervous, all locked up like a stone statue?
Or is he glowing, satisfied, relaxed, looking at you, seeking further connection with you?
After real lovemaking with a woman he cares about, a man will be more connected to you, not less connected. He will have enhanced what’s already there between you in terms of the connection rather than pumped and dumped.
The look of love comes naturally to a man when his hero instinct is triggered.
I mentioned this concept above.
Did you know there are texts you can send and simple things you can say to a man to trigger this very natural male instinct? To learn what they are, watch this simple and genuine video.
The hero instinct is the best kept secret in relationship psychology. The few women are know about it can have an unfair advantage in love.
12) He’s open to new things with you and exploring fantasies
Sometimes a guy will suggest a threesome or kinky sex act because he’s using you: he just wants to have you as a springboard to further phallic adventures.
But there’s a difference between that and him being open to experimentation you suggest between the two of you.
Whether that’s trying out new toys, oils, positions, roleplaying or other fantasies.
Especially if he’s a fairly reserved or traditional guy, his openness with you to trying out new things is a good indicator that he wants to do what you like and that he’s excited by what excites you – because he cares for you on a fundamental, loving level.
13) He calls after
One of the flashing signs that say his lovemaking with you was all that and more is when he calls after.
And not just to schedule your next sweat session between the sheets.
He calls to chat, to ask how your day is going, to invite you for a coffee or dinner. He calls because he’s really feeling connected to you.
Listen for the warmth in his voice. That will tell you what you need to know.
14) He wants a second round
Especially if he has an intense orgasm, a man may feel drained and roll over to sleep. That’s not necessarily insulting and it can be a good sign that he’s really enjoyed himself.
However, eventually when he’s really into you there’s a good chance he’ll still kiss you more after, want to cuddle and eventually get hard again and want more.
If he’s reaching for round two soon after the first round you can make a good bet that the sex has reached a new level beyond just the physical for him, too.
15) He comments on more than just your looks
There is nothing wrong with physical beauty and physical attraction.
In fact, it’s beautiful and wonderful and makes the world an incredible place.
When he recognizes your physical beauty and his attraction to you and your body that’s perfectly fine and a deep part of your lovemaking experience.
But when you notice that he’s also very focused on the things about you and your unique life experience, energy, and self that he loves you can be assured he’s making love to you at the deepest level.
16) He’s respectful when you don’t want sex
It’s entirely reasonable to not always be in the mood for sex. Sometimes guys don’t respond well to this when you tell them, however.
But the guy who wants to make love to you and truly loves your time together won’t react like an angry bear.
He’ll nod in a relaxed way and be completely understanding.
His affection for you won’t dim even 1%. And the next time you make love he’ll enjoy it just as much, without any expectations or obligations put on you.
17) He’s relaxed and open around you
A guy really enjoys making love when he’s not stuck inside his head and can really let his heart – and genitals and body – do the talking.
When he’s relaxed around you and open it’s a sign that your lovemaking is hitting home for him.
His body language will be easygoing and confident: his true self.
His touch will be caressing and sure, seeking out your most intimate places and comforting and stimulating you beyond your wildest imagination.
18) He tells you he loved it
This one is the most obvious, but it’s often a bit confusing. That’s because some guys who just want sex will say they loved or really enjoyed being with you and not really mean it.
When a man really means it you’ll be able to tell. He’ll look you in the eyes, he’ll go in for a kiss, he’ll caress your face.
He’ll call you soon after with a heartfelt conversation or a loving message.
He’ll let you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your lovemaking was special to him and made a real impression on his heart.
19) He kisses your forehead
If he stops in the middle of sex to kiss you on the forehead, this is a sign of profound emotional connection. There is nothing more comforting and safe than the feeling of his lips right above your eyes.
It’s a scientific fact that the sensation of someone’s lips on your forehead actually stimulates a chemical release that triggers feelings of bliss, enjoyment, and satisfaction.
Right above your eyes is said to be the gateway to your soul and if he is making an effort to gently kiss your third eye during sex, he’s beyond into you.
20) He holds your hands
Hand holding while making love shows real unity. If he reaches for your hands and doesn’t release them until after you both climax, he is showing you that he is present and entirely at the moment with you.
He is taking charge, locking eyes as he moves deeply with you, and he isn’t letting you go.
When we intertwine our fingers with someone else’s, it is a gesture that suggests “being one”. Our hands and our inner wrists, believe it or not, are erogenous zones that are extremely sensitive to touch.
Hand holding also releases oxytocin, the “love hormone”, so this subtle but meaningful action will definitely trigger his intense feelings for you.
21) He holds you afterward
There is nothing more off-putting than having a man jump right out of bed after making love to clean himself up, grab a glass of water, or worse, check his phone. (Ladies, if he does this last one, please, please, say “goodnight and goodbye” soon).
If a man not only stays with you in bed but holds you closely afterward, this is a true sign that the sex for him is way more than “just sex”.
He is making an attempt to keep the level of intimacy strong by holding you near his body. He is literally showing you that he doesn’t want to let you go.
22) He shares his fantasies
Men often will ask a woman about her fantasies or what her favorite position is. But, rarely do men reciprocate their fantasies and feel comfortable being vulnerable.
Men can be super shy when it comes to sex or taboo topics. If a man is sharing sexual fantasies with you, especially ones he hasn’t shared with anyone else, he is trusting you, and trust is the first step towards real intimacy.
As Dr. Jennice Vilhauer writes:
“Being vulnerable feels like you are exposing yourself, and it’s what opens you up most to the possibility of being hurt, but it is also what allows someone to get to know the real you and develop that sense of closeness”.
In being vulnerable, he is letting you know that you are someone he wants to (s)explore with and experience a deeper level of sexual and emotional connection.
23) He does his research
When it comes to sex, the nerdier a man is, the better. Meaning, he does his research and homework!
If a man is really into you emotionally and physically, he is going to listen. He is going to ask for your feedback and he is going to try, try, try again until he gets every touch, movement, and kiss right.
If your partner shows up to your love-making sessions wanting to learn what satisfies you, this is definitely not “just sex” for him. Pleasuring you is his mission.
He is there to learn and graduate with honors.
24) He is in sync with your breath
Nothing says you two are connected on a sensual and spiritual level, more than when you notice your breathing is in rhythm during sex.
If a man is inhaling and exhaling at the same pace as you, or you begin to inhale on his exhale, this is synchronized breathing and the beginning of tantric sex. In other words, sacred sexuality is where two bodies are woven into one.
When this happens, it is magic and the goal of all sex goals!
When a couple begins to breathe in sync, a form of sexual meditation begins to take place. This is no longer about reaching climax. It is about the entire pleasurable and erotic journey that you two are taking together.
25) He’s down to get down
Let’s face it – most guys like getting head. The sad part, however, is not a lot of them like returning the favor.
A guy who enjoys making love to you, however, will gladly do this. You don’t even have to ask for it!
It’s obvious – he wants you to enjoy the experience just like the way he does. For him, it’s pointless if you don’t achieve the ultimate height of pleasure.
Apart from this, a guy who loves making love will have many other reasons to go down:
- He finds it hot to see you writhing in ecstasy.
- It builds anticipation. No one likes to go from start to finish!
- It gives him time to recharge – while getting you ready – for the ‘draining’ activity that will follow. *Wink wink*
- It fuels his ego – he made you come, after all!
26) He’s slow yet passionate
While it’s fun to go fast, a guy who loves making love will make it a point to take things slow.
Slow sex, after all, allows him to spend more time with you. Better yet, it gives you – and him – a bigger opportunity to savor every moment of pleasure.
In an interview, Dr. Kate Balestrieri explained the benefits of slow sex: “Sure, you can feel things during fast sex, but during slower sex, there is more time for your brain to process the experience of each sensation.”
She adds, “So, it’s as if you feel more. Sex is a multi-sensory experience, and when you slow it down, you can savor more of the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches.”
All in all, this slow and passionate pace allows him to:
- Connect with you more through sustained eye contact. As I’ve mentioned, this longing gaze is a way for him to show his appreciation for the intimacy you both share.
- Touch you lightly. According to Dr. Balestrieri, slow touching can ignite a passion unlike any other!
- Tease you. Psychology-wise, teasing lets him know how much you want him. He loves seeing how much you yearn for his manhood.
- Make everything last longer. Who doesn’t want to prolong a blissful experience? As Dr. Balestrieri puts it, slow sex is an adventure instead of a performance. As such, it creates more space for him to explore your body, likes, and expressions.
- Improve the orgasm. By slowing the pace, his body – and yours – get to relax fully. This, in turn, opens pleasure spots – thus leading the way for a more intense climax.
27) He’ll bring you to the edge (no pun intended)
Has he done something so intimate and arousing that you’re about to lose it – literally? This edging – a form of orgasm control – is just one of the many telltale signs that he adores your lovemaking sessions.
With edging, he brings you near the point of no return – before pulling everything back. He repeats this until you’re ready to succumb to pleasure.
While most view this as a power play, it can’t be denied that it does have a profound effect on the overall experience.
According to Dr. Balestrieri, “Doing this over and over can extend sexual intimacy and send never imagined waves of pleasure throughout the body.”
28) He’s into tantric sex
Although the term tantra is often linked with sex, it means something more. It’s all about creating a deeper connection with you, his partner.
Tantra, to begin with, is derived from the Sanskrit word ‘to weave.’
That said, don’t be surprised if he leans towards tantric sex. After all, it’s about transcending the spiritual realm through intimate and meditative lovemaking.
And why not? Tantra helps him become more in-tune with his body. He gets to understand how it feels pleasure better.
This, in turn, helps him pay better attention to your needs and wants. A guy who loves making love to you will want to fulfill your desires every time – all the time.
Tantric sex is not just for his benefit, though. Since it channels both of your energies, you get to experience a more intense climax.
If you want to achieve this tantric pleasure, you need to:
- Prepare your mind by focusing on breathwork, stretching, and some journaling
- Prepare your space by setting the mood – candles, comfy temperature, a romantic vibe – the works!
- Let the intensity build!
- Breath deeply and synchronize this with your partner.
- Focus on your sensations – all of them. Don’t let your mind wander off to a far-flung place!
- Allow yourself to enjoy a whole bevy of emotions.
29) He finishes ‘differently’
A guy who wants to feel goodwill just pant, gasp, and writhe in pleasure.
But if he enjoys making love to you, he’ll pull you close – and wrap himself around you – as he reaches his climax. It’s a sign of deeper intimacy when compared to men whose only aim is to finish.
As mentioned, you can thank the hormone oxytocin for this warm and fuzzy sensation. True to its moniker ‘love hormone,’ it helps bring about feelings of well-being and contentment.
The act of intimate lovemaking brings more than just mental relaxation though It can also lead to a variety of health benefits, such as:
- Decreased stress
- Improved sleep
- Lesser pain and bouts of incontinence
- A longer lifespan!
30) He’s not afraid to laugh
Lovemaking is fun, but sometimes it can get funny. No one’s perfect – anybody can mess up in the middle of the process.
That’s where you’ll see if he enjoys being with you – or if he’s just there for the physicality of it all.
You know a man enjoys making love with you when he freely laughs at booboos – whether it’s his or yours.
It’s not just during the laughable parts of the deed, though. He maintains this same positive attitude right after.
While you may take this in offense, you shouldn’t. It’s an obvious sign that he’s just too darn comfortable with you. He’s secure enough that what most deem as embarrassing – is just plain funny to him.
His constant laughs may also be his way to break some tension. No one likes being in an uptight situation, after all.
He really enjoys making love to you
If you notice that you and your partner are experiencing these 24 signs of connection, stop looking for additional hints that he enjoys making love to you.
He doesn’t need to say or do anything else to convince you. His mind and his body are saying it loud and clear.
This is absolutely not just a simple attraction for him and definitely not “just sex”. He thoroughly enjoys making love to you and his intention is to continue doing so.