“There’s a huge difference in sex and making love. We have sex with someone who can satisfy us physically, but we make love to someone who can satisfy us soulfully and eternally. Once you realize the fine-line between making love and having sex, you will understand the meaning of life! Life isn’t only about survival, it’s about living and so is making love.” – Mehek Bassi
When you’re in love with someone and feel a deep connection, sex can be much more than “just sex.” You feel a profound energy flow between you and a desire that transcends the purely physical.
You become one with your partner and lose yourself in them.
Your passion burns like an unquenchable fire — and all the other romance novel cliches.
To compare this to casual sex or sleeping with someone you don’t care about is like comparing a fine wine with a 7/11 Slurpee (no offense to 7/11 Slurpees intended).
As a woman, you may be wondering if he’s really into you or just after the nookie.
Perhaps you feel it’s somewhat of a grey area: your guy seems to genuinely love having sex with you but you can’t quite put your finger on whether there’s more below the surface or whether it’s primarily physical.
It’s great to enjoy sex, experiment, tear each other’s clothes off in the hallway or make love for hours on a rainy afternoon. But you want to know if there’s something more …
And that’s a perfectly good question.
Whether you’re casually dating, in a relationship, married — or even an affair outside marriage — you may wonder if the emotions you are feeling are reciprocated by the guy you’re with or whether you’re just starring in a replaceable romping rodeo.
Is he just using you for sex and chasing time between the sheets or is there a deeper part of your experience together that means more to him?
The truth is that how a man behaves in bed mirrors his overall respect and intentions toward you in your relationship, so it’s extremely key information to know about.
Here are the 19 biggest signs that he’s really into making love to you and that it’s more than “just sex” for him, too.
1. Eye contact
If he holds eye contact and meets your gaze with gusto then there’s a good chance that the sex is on another level for him, too.
When he looks into your eyes as he makes love to you, he’s showing his deep appreciation and connection with you and also responding to your expression with his lovemaking.
When he avoids eye contact it can be a sign that he’s shy in some cases, but it can also mean you’re mostly just an intimate encounter for him and don’t mean much more to him than a path to his next orgasm.
2. Focus on giving
The partner who truly is into you will genuinely care about your pleasure. He will react intuitively and intentionally to your desires and give generously to make you climax and relish your time together.
He will go down on you, massage you, kiss you gently and ask what you like most in sex. He’ll change his speed and care about what you like: he will moan and give sounds of pleasure to show he likes it, too.
The fellow who really feels for you will care about your physical pleasure and act accordingly.
He won’t just be a racehorse galloping for the finish line.
3. He feels like your hero
When you’re in bed together, does he feel like your hero? Is he holding you tight, protecting you, and making sure that you’re completely secure? Does he thrive off your admiration in bed?
When a guy falls in love, it’s often because you have triggered something deep inside him. Something he desperately needs.
What is it?
To fall in love, a guy needs to feel like he’s your protector. And that you genuinely respect him for doing this.
In other words, he needs to feel like your ‘hero’. Because when a man loves you he wants to be the one guy you can count on.
And this will reveal itself in the bedroom.
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This concept is generating a lot of buzz at the moment as a way to explain what really drives men in relationships.
I know it might all seem kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But this misses the point about what the hero instinct is all about.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in this life. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
Although you may not need a hero, a man is compelled to be one. And if you want him to fall in love with you, then you have to let him.
When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and committed to being in a long-term relationship with you.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say, messages you can send, requests you can use to trigger this natural biological instinct.
If you want some help doing this, watch James Bauer’s excellent free video here.
He tells you everything you need to know about the hero instinct, including how to trigger it in your man.
I don’t often recommend videos but the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts in relationship psychology I’ve come across. And James Bauer is the real deal when it comes to relationship advice.
4. Kisses for miles
Kissing someone you don’t care about can feel kind of blah. It’s just … nothing, really.
Kissing someone you care about and love can feel like you just won the mega jackpot lottery. You get lost in it, you feel tremors through your whole body.
5. You want to do it again. And again.
When your guy is making love to you and wants you on a level beyond temporary sex he will kiss you frequently on your lips and all over your body.
He will worship you with his lips, showing his desire and his intensity of emotions for you.
It’s hard to miss the difference between a quick peck and a deep kiss: you’ll know.
6. Next-level pillow talk
One of the best parts of making love is the emotional connection and the conversations that take place, especially after sex.
It’s a well-known stereotype that guys just want to sleep after sex and don’t usually like pillow talk much. But the truth is that for many guys they do enjoy talking to their lover after sex – if they are truly into her.
Topics can get deep and personal, and build the connection you have.
7. You will feel like you can open up to him, too.
This next-level pillow talk is a sign that you’ve been making love, not just having sex.
He takes his time
He usually won’t cut straight to penetration when he’s really into you.
Well, sometimes you just can’t resist and the main entree comes up right away, but in general you will notice that he takes his time.
There’s affectionate, intimate foreplay, kissing, touching and all sorts of closeness before the main act.
Just like you, your man wants to savor your time together and build up the anticipation. You mean more to him than only release: you’re a person he truly cares about and relishes his time with.
He’ll take his time because he enjoys every pleasurable interaction with you, not only the sex.
8. Say my name, say my name
Another big sign that you’re more than just a fling is your name. When he says your name during lovemaking it can be a telltale indicator that he cares about you.
He wants to emphasize your intimacy, show that he cares about you personally not just the physical act.
He whispers your name, moans it, shouts it. He’s into you.
Return the favor by saying his name, too.
9. He doesn’t want to leave
If you’ve been with a guy who’s not serious at all you know the feeling: the sex reaches a crescendo and finishes and before you can count to three the guy is doing a kind of stop, drop and roll out of bed and putting on his shoes.
Well … bye.
The feeling can be distasteful, like you’ve just been used like a product or something.
When a guy’s into you he doesn’t have to fake wanting to stay. He’ll stick around and chat, make some food, share a cup of tea with you or watch a movie.
Simple: he wasn’t just there for the sex, he was making love as part of his overall love for you.
10. He’s vulnerable and shows his emotions
There are special moments that occur before, during and after lovemaking that open up new frontiers in your relationships.
Old traumas and triumphs can emerge, emotions rush to the surface, laughter and tears spring up.
This is all healthy and clear signs of a man who is making love to you and who values you in a holistic way.
You’ll be able to feel it when he’s opening up to you: he bares his soul and invites you to bare your soul.
It’s risky, and raw, but all real lovemaking is exactly that.
11. He doesn’t hide the depth of his desire for you
When he’s making love to you he will let loose.
He’ll make noises, thrust deeply, cradle you in his arms. He won’t try to hide how deeply he’s into you.
He won’t be self-conscious, detached or robotic.
He’ll be fully with you, present, engaged and on fire with physical and emotional desire.
Watch for it and you’ll know.
12. He’s open to new things with you and exploring fantasies
Sometimes a guy will suggest a threesome or kinky sex act because he’s using you: he just wants to have you as a springboard to further phallic adventures.
But there’s a difference between that and him being open to experimentation you suggest between the two of you.
Whether that’s trying out new toys, oils, positions, roleplaying or other fantasies.
Especially if he’s a fairly reserved or traditional guy, his openness with you to trying out new things is a good indicator that he wants to do what you like and that he’s excited by what excites you – because he cares for you on a fundamental, loving level.
13. He calls after
One of the flashing signs that says his lovemaking with you was all that and more is when he calls after.
And not just to schedule your next sweat session between the sheets.
He calls to chat, to ask how your day is going, to invite you for a coffee or dinner. He calls because he’s really feeling connected to you.
Listen for the warmth in his voice. That will tell you what you need to know.
14. The look of love
When you’re trying to assess if the sex is “just sex,” sometimes appearances can tell you a great deal.
After you make love look over at him. Is he avoidant, nervous, all locked up like a stone statue?
Or is he glowing, satisfied, relaxed, looking at you, seeking further connection with you?
After real lovemaking with a woman he cares about, a man will be more connected to you, not less connected. He will have enhanced what’s already there between you in terms of the connection rather than pumped and dumped.
15. He wants a second round
Especially if he has an intense orgasm, a man may feel drained and roll over to sleep. That’s not necessarily insulting and it can be a good sign that he’s really enjoyed himself.
However, eventually when he’s really into you there’s a good chance he’ll still kiss you more after, want to cuddle and eventually get hard again and want more.
If he’s reaching for round two soon after the first round you can make a good bet that the sex has reached a new level beyond just the physical for him, too.
16. He comments on more than just your looks
There is nothing wrong with physical beauty and physical attraction.
In fact, it’s beautiful and wonderful and makes the world an incredible place.
When he recognizes your physical beauty and his attraction to you and your body that’s perfectly fine and a deep part of your lovemaking experience.
But when you notice that he’s also very focused on the things about you and your unique life experience, energy and self that he loves you can be assured he’s making love to you at the deepest level.
17. He’s respectful when you don’t want sex
It’s entirely reasonable to not always be in the mood for sex. Sometimes guys don’t respond well to this when you tell them, however.
But the guy who wants to make love to you and truly loves your time together won’t react like an angry bear.
He’ll nod in a relaxed way and be completely understanding.
His affection for you won’t dim even 1%. And the next time you make love he’ll enjoy it just as much, without any expectations or obligations put on you.
18. He’s relaxed and open around you
A guy really enjoys making love when he’s not stuck inside his head and can really let his heart – and genitals and body – do the talking.
When he’s relaxed around you and open it’s a sign that your lovemaking is hitting home for him.
His body language will be easygoing and confident: his true self.
His touch will be caressing and sure, seeking out your most intimate places and comforting and stimulating you beyond your wildest imagination.
19. He tells you he loved it
This one is the most obvious, but it’s often a bit confusing. That’s because some guys who just want sex will say they loved or really enjoyed being with you and not really mean it.
When a man really means it you’ll be able to tell. He’ll look you in the eyes, he’ll go in for a kiss, he’ll caress your face.
He’ll call you soon after with a heartfelt conversation or a loving message.
He’ll let you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your lovemaking was special to him and made a real impression on his heart.