10 signs your ex is confused about getting back together and what to do

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pexels becerra govea photo 5760256 10 signs your ex is confused about getting back together and what to do

You’ve broken up, but you still have unresolved feelings for them.

But, you’re not sure if your ex is thinking about getting back together.

So, how do you tell if your ex is confused about getting back together? 

And what should you do when that happens?

Let’s break it down!

1) Your ex texts you a lot

This can mean one of two things: they are either trying to get reacquainted, or they are confused about getting back together.

If you’re the one who initiated the break-up, it could very well mean that your ex is trying to talk to you more often because they miss your presence in their life. 

I have been there, and boy was it confusing. 

They want to talk more, but they don’t know if they want to get back together. 

This is a good sign that your ex is confused about getting back together, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s what they’re thinking about. 

If you’re the one that initiated the breakup, it could mean your ex is trying to get through their pain by talking to you more often and they still want to be with you. 

If this is happening, try not responding immediately so they don’t mistake it for interest on your end. 

You should also text them less often as well just so there’s no confusion.

2) They’re still checking in on you

Just as texting you more often can mean that your ex is confused about getting back together, checking in on you more often can mean the same thing. 

If your ex initiated the break up and they are doing this, they might still have some unresolved feelings

I know that I was very confused when my boyfriend broke up with me. 

But after I had a chance to cool down, I started checking in on him more often because I wanted to know how he was doing. 

The problem is that he thought I wanted to get back together and he was all over it – until he realized that wasn’t what I wanted.  

If this is happening to you, my advice is to move on first so the process of getting your ex deeply interested in you again will be easier.

3) Your ex talks about you to your mutual friends

This is a complicated one, because it can mean a lot of different things. 

The way I see it, there are three main reasons why your ex would talk about you to your mutual friends. 

The first reason is that they think about you often and want to share their memories with someone. 

It’s not necessarily that they’re confused about getting back together, but just reminiscing on old times. 

The second reason is that they are confused about getting back together but aren’t sure how to bring it up with you so they talk to your mutual friends so they can help them bring it up when you meet the friends. 

The third reason is that they are trying to get back together with you but don’t know how. So they talk to their friends to get some advice. 

A lot of the time, people talk about old times to reminisce and see if the magic will be there if they get back together. They want to ask your mutual friends about your condition, if they see any sign that you still love them. 

They want to see if you’ll still have the same connection when you get together again for real after some time apart.

4) They ask what the breakup means for you two

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This is another sign that your ex is trying to find answers before making any firm decisions themselves. 

A very confused person will ask questions so they can understand what’s going on in your head and heart better – but it’s not always a positive thing. 

There are two things to consider here: your ex might be asking themselves what the breakup means for the two of you, or they might be talking to you about it because they want to know what it means. 

Just as before, this could mean that they want to get back together but are trying to figure out how. 

Or, your ex could simply be confused about getting back together and wondering if it would work. 

Let your ex know that you’re happy with everything as is, and that you’re not interested in getting back together. 

If this pushes them away from you, then make sure you let them go so that they won’t come crawling back later on when they miss the companionship you can provide.

5) They say they wish it was different, but that they still love you

It is a dual-edged sword for two reasons: on one hand, it could be your ex saying that they miss you – something that’s very natural with getting back together after a break up. 

On the other, it is simply a sign of confusion or negativity. 

The phrase “wish it was different” is often used to describe a relationship where one person isn’t happy with it. 

But, it can also be used when talking about a break up where the two people are still in love with each other. 

To me, this is an example of your ex being confused about getting back together and having mixed feelings about the break up. 

This could mean you’re not in their future plans or plans for another relationship, but they still have strong feelings for you otherwise. 

Don’t misinterpret this, because your ex may be saying all these things to get you to turn back around and talk about getting back together.

6) Ex constantly disappears and reappears

Every time you try to talk to your ex, they disappear and reappear like a ghost! 

They keep you on edge and always leave you wondering whether they are going to appear. 

If this is happening, the reason can be that your ex thinks about getting back together. But if your ex is actively trying to avoid you, it could also mean they think that they don’t want to get back together.  

This is a very dangerous situation. On top of that, if it’s too confusing for you to get reassurance from them, this can cause more stress in your relationships. 

Your ex is still confused about getting back together and wants to be with you, but they are confused about the timing. 

If your ex has disappeared and reappeared many times, try to talk to them less frequently so they don’t assume that you are interested.

Don’t be too available whenever they want to talk to you, so they can understand that you are not theirs anymore to play with. 

It’s okay to text them every once in a while to see how they’re coping and how things are going – but don’t text them every single day like your ex thinks you want to get back together.

7) Your ex wants to stay friends but doesn’t want to be exclusive

When I broke up with my ex, it wasn’t on him, but on me – I wasn’t very clear about where I was in life and why we weren’t working anymore. 

But my ex kept asking me to be friends with him. 

It’s nice to have a friend after a breakup, but my ex was trying to figure out when we should get back together and catch up – and because we were on a break so he can still hang out with other girls.

If your ex has asked to be friends, this means that they still want to be able to talk with you – but they don’t know if they want to see other people, it can mean a few things: it could mean that they are still interested in you and just need some time, or it could mean that they aren’t ready yet. 

At this point, my advice is not to become friends with them just yet. The friendship isn’t going anywhere. 

Instead of creating an unbalanced friendship, give your ex some space and move on with your life for a bit.

If you plan on staying friends after your break-up, make it clear that you are not interested in being back together.

8) Your ex keeps mentioning the problems in your relationship

I know that one of the worst feelings in the world is choosing whether you should be getting back together or not. 

And if your ex keeps bringing up the problems in the relationship, you could be seeing a clear sign that they still want to be your significant other.

However, this isn’t always a good sign and it breaks my heart every time I see this kind of behavior. 

If your ex keeps mentioning the problems in the relationship when you’re not together, try to talk about them less frequently because sometimes it’s not helping you solve the problem but turning to pointing fingers and blaming each other.

Also, try not to be too pushy when they bring up the problems in your relationship.

If they show that they are taking responsibility for the problem in the past relationship, then admit your own responsibility and try to move on.

And if that doesn’t work, just talk about how you’re doing instead. 

It won’t always work, but it can help if the conversation gets stuck on their relationship problems.

9) Your ex keeps saying they’re “confused”

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If your ex keeps saying “I’m confused about us,” or “I’m still confused about the breakup” it can mean several things.

It could mean that they are trying to get reacquainted with you, it could mean that they aren’t ready just yet, or it could mean that they are confused about getting back together. 

If your ex says this to you and you’re interested in getting back together, try not to show them interest. 

Instead, just focus on doing things for yourself and ignoring the fact that your ex is trying to get back together with you by saying they’re “confused”.

Because if they really do want to get back, they have to want it, not “confused”.

I know that my boyfriend kept saying this over and over when he wanted to be exclusive with me again. But I didn’t let him know that I also want to get back too. Because I know if I show interest, he will know that I also want to and wait for me to say it first.

I know that a relationship is not a battle, but if your guy is not being honest with his feelings, what can make sure that he won’t be confused again in the future?

10) Your ex wants to do “couple” things

If your ex is still confused about getting back together, it means that they are trying to get through the pain of the break up. 

One of the easiest ways they can do that is by acting couple-like with you. 

They might ask to see a movie – and not with just any movie. 

They’re likely to pick that one movie that was special to you as a couple. 

Or, they might ask you how your day was, but they don’t want details – just something quick and easy like “good” or “nice. 

They’re likely to “act” like they want to get back together – but don’t want to be pushy because they are still not sure about the getting back story. 

What to do when your ex is confused about getting back together?

I’ve broken up with a few people in my lifetime, and I can tell you that it’s not the best feeling in the world. 

If you are also confused about getting back together with them, then it will only complicate things if you try to talk to them more often. 

So keep your head up – it may hurt now, but remember how happy you were when you were treated nicely and when you were independent. 

Your ex may be trying to get back together with you, but if they don’t want to do that for sure, then it might be time for them to move on as well.

Don’t let your ex’s behavior bother you because they will move on with their life – and so should you. 

1) Do something you haven’t done in a while

You can do a lot of things to keep your mind off a break up. 

Whether it’s finding a new hobby or trying out a new restaurant, getting out of your comfort zone can help you not think about your ex as much. 

If it’s possible, take someone out for a treat, like your family or your friends. 

2) Stop obsessing about the relationship and focus on yourself for awhile

You make all kinds of decisions in life – some good and some bad. 

Sometimes the best decision you can make is to just not think about what you’re going through. 

It’s easy for an ex to pop into your mind when things are going bad. 

But when it happens, try to think about other things in your life: Your health, your hobbies, your habits, your work, your plan for travel,…

3) Have some fun with friends and family members

If you have friends, ask them to go out for a bit and take some time away from the break up. 

You can do the same with your family members, too – don’t think that your family doesn’t care about you though. 

If you’re not ready to ask them to go out with you, then call them up and have a little talk – they’ll understand and probably will give you some wise advice. 

4) When your ex asks you out, then that could mean that they’re ready to get back together or have some fun

If you’re interested in getting back together, then that’s fine. 

It’s hard not to get caught up in the idea of your ex wanting to get back together if they ask you out. 

But if they’ve already asked you out, then it’s safe to assume that they are genuinely interested in hanging out with you. 

Stop obsessing over the idea of them wanting to get back together and have some fun with them instead.

But, don’t try to rush things and don’t ask them too many questions right away – it could end up giving them the wrong idea. 

5) It’s all about how you feel

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This is one of the most important parts I can stress. 

It’s all about how you feel in your heart. 

No matter what your ex boyfriend says, it’s all about what you feel. 

I know maybe he said he loves you but do you really want to come back to the relationship with so many unsolved problems? 

The answer is yours!

6) Don’t let anyone tell you who to be with or how to be

Going back to #5, the only thing that matters is how you feel. 

And if you decide that with your ex that’s what you want, then go for it. 

Nobody can tell you who to be with or how to be with them – not even your friends.

Maybe they can give you some good advice, but they are just giving information, same as this article. The one that makes the decision is you. 

If you feel like getting back together is what you want, then just do it. 

7) Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s never going to work again

Another important part of any relationship is waiting until you’re both ready to be together. 

And that’s how you’ll know if it’s ever going to work again. 

You may not end up together forever – but you’ll end up together for a while and then get back together again when the time is right.

So as I said, don’t let anyone tell you that it’s never going to work again just because it’s ended once.

8) Never give up on love 

Love can find you in the most random places and at the most unexpected times. 

I don’t know what the future holds for me and my boyfriend, but I do know that I’m going to be there for him. 

He loves me and he’s going to be there for me when I need him – whether it’s right now or not. 

We’ll get through this journey together, and that’s what matters. 

And as for you, if you’re an ex trying to get back together with your partner, then I hope that this article has given you some advice on what to do to make it more bearable. 

Conclusion 

Love isn’t easy to handle, but it is a journey that you have to make in order to find happiness. 

This article is written for those who are contemplating on getting back together with their exes. 

It’s difficult not to think about the past, but sometimes it can be so worth it if you’re still in love with your ex. 

I hope my advice helps you on your journey to getting back the one you love. 

And, if you are feeling better after reading my article, please send an email to let me know.

I would like to hear from you! 

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Nguyet Yen Tran

Yen is a freelance writer and a researcher specializing in mental health, self-awareness, and psychology. Her hobby is studying human behavior throughout their reaction upon situations.

Be sure to check out her other posts on our blog.

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