So, you’re wondering whether an introvert is attracted to you or not.
I’m not going to lie, this one’s a hard nut to crack seeing as introverts’ expressions of sexual interest can range from mustering up the courage to ask you if they could possibly borrow a pen to staring at you with a murderous look because they’re too shy to smile.
(As someone who regularly practices the latter, I can honestly say it makes everything difficult for all parties involved.)
Fortunately, I’m a 100% introvert who’s deeply interested in the ins and outs of the human mind, so I’ve summarized everything we know about introverts’ expressions of attraction in the list below.
Here are the 6 signs an introvert is highly attracted to you.
1) They frequently glance at you but divert their gaze when you return the favor
Look, introverts are inherently curious beings.
If we’re feeling a certain way about someone (read: if we get butterflies in our stomach or feel our skin tingle while overcome by intense sexual attraction), we will want to look at the person in question.
A lot.
The issue is that the moment you return the favor, we want to scuttle away like squirrels caught in the act of stealing someone else’s nut.
Many introverts are simply too shy or socially anxious to hold eye contact and smile, which – let’s be honest – would undoubtedly make the whole courting ritual much easier because they’d signal their interest at the very least.
Alas, you’re dealing with an introvert here, so you may have to settle for peripheral views of their frequent glances that disappear the moment you decide to directly look them in the eyes.
Before we move on to the next sign, I’ve got a pretty interesting tip for you: according to research, people whose eyes concentrate on a stranger’s face tend to see them as a potential romantic partner while those who focus on a stranger’s body may feel primarily sexual desire.
Of course, you’re already having a hard time catching a glimpse of an introvert’s direct gaze, so you may have to level up your observation skills to figure this one out.
2) They (subtly and awkwardly) seek out your presence
While introverts may be a bit too shy to openly display their attraction to you, they will inevitably gravitate toward your presence.
This might show up in some very subtle ways, such as the fact that they’re somehow always on your team during group projects, that they attend the same work events even if they’re not feeling great or would benefit from being elsewhere, and that they often run into you at the canteen or in the elevator.
I know what I’m talking about. I once went to a party I had zero interest in just because I wanted to “accidentally” bump into my crush there. I saw him for about five seconds from across the room before he disappeared into the crowd.
No, I didn’t go have a chat with him. I just walked around, hoping he’d notice me.
It’s safe to say that was a mission failed.
Author, professor and coach Preston Ni M.S.B.A. explains: “Some introverts express their romantic interest in a higher context manner, which simply means that they tend to hint, imply, or put themselves in an opportune situation, and hope to get noticed.”
So, there goes your second sign: an introvert who’s attracted to you will try to spend as much time around you as possible, even if it means you’re hanging out with different people in the same building.
3) They get easily flustered around you
It’s common to feel a bit nervous when you’re in the presence of someone you fancy.
However, while many extroverts do a pretty good job of hiding their feelings and playing it cool, introverts – especially if they’re shy or suffer from social anxiety – may stutter, mumble, avoid eye contact, get red in the face, laugh too loudly at a really bad joke you made, and generally act a bit… awkward.
This is something I’ve always struggled with – when I’m around someone I don’t feel sexually attracted to, I’m my usual bubbly and outgoing self.
When I meet someone I fancy, though…
Disaster ensues.
It’s like I turn into a Pinocchio version of myself. My body language is stiff and wooden, I feel self-conscious, and a lot of what I do feels like I’m putting on a performance.
I simply can’t relax. It’s like I constantly have to make a good impression on the object of my affection.
If the introvert you’re dealing with acts completely chilled out when you’re not directly engaging with them and suddenly gets all nervous and awkward the moment you burst through their comfort bubble, it may be another sign there’s more to their feelings for you than meets the eye.
4) They pay careful attention to what you say
Studies show that we naturally become more attentive when it comes to people we are romantically involved with.
This makes sense when you think about it. Both romantic and sexual attraction are such strong feelings that they completely change the contours of our world, making our bodies release a great deal of feel-good hormones.
If you’re attracted to someone, you’re naturally going to pay more attention to what they say because 1) you’re interested in getting to know them better and 2) showing interest is a good strategy to strengthen your connection and take your relationship to the next level.
This is especially important where introverts are concerned.
See, the main difference between introversion and extroversion lies in how we recharge our batteries. Extroverts gain energy when they’re around other people and taking in new input.
Introverts are the complete opposite. We like to be alone, we get easily overwhelmed, and we are therefore very selective about the kind of information and people we let into our lives.
If the introvert in question pays a lot of attention to what you tell them, remembers the little tidbits of information you share about your life, and asks you thoughtful questions…
Yes, that’s right. It’s yet another sign they may be attracted to you.
5) They show up for you in quiet but meaningful ways
An introvert may not directly tell you that they fancy you, but their actions speak for themselves.
In a way, this is what I like about introverts the most: we don’t waste words. We prefer to do things that make a real difference.
Let’s say you need help with the printer at the library. Well, lo and behold, the introvert in question is there to assist you! Don’t you worry, they’ll help you sort out this mess.
Or imagine you’ve run out of your favorite tea in the kitchen at work. You sigh and grumble about it, and before you know it, your tea has found its way back! As it turns out, the introvert who fancies you has gone to the shops during their lunch break and bought a new one.
When you thank them, they wave it away, saying, “This one’s my favorite, too. Don’t worry about it.”
For many introverts out there, it’s all about small acts of service.
6) They eventually open up to you about their vulnerabilities
If there’s one thing you should know about introverts, it’s that we long to be known.
We are all about deep connections that last years and decades, challenging discussions that open our minds to new perspectives, and an understanding of souls that fills us with a sense of belonging.
Of course, not every introvert fits the bill. But those of us who are romantics deep down genuinely want to share our vulnerabilities with others – we are just extremely careful about who it is that we open up to.
If we’re attracted to someone, though, the chances increase by a great deal because we want to get to know this person for who they are below the surface. We want to dig deeper, and in doing so, we want to show them some of our own wounds, too.
Preston Ni sums it up when he says, “Being more introspective by nature, many introverts spend time thinking and reflecting about romantic relationships, far more so than their extroverted counterparts, which tend to focus more on action.”
“This analytical process may include the period prior to dating, when one contemplates the qualities of an ideal mate, as well as during courtship, when chemistry and compatibility of the relationship are evaluated closely.”
An introvert who is highly attracted to you is already trying to figure out who you are, whether you could be sexually or romantically compatible, and if you’re someone they can eventually open up to.
Whether this truly comes to pass…
Only time will tell.
