We all know the stereotype when it comes to age differences in relationships.
The girl is always younger, right?
Think of all the movies and tv shows: Pretty Woman, Modern Family, The Sound of Music!
We’ve been conditioned to think that the older man ends up with the younger woman.
But this isn’t always the case. Plenty of times a younger man ends up with an older woman.
Heck, the President of France is 25 years younger than his wife!
So, because we don’t see these relationships in our shows and movies, we have no idea what the signs are that a guy is crushing on an older woman.
That’s why I’ve put together this list of 27 signs a younger man is into an older woman.
(Sign #3 is a hot topic in relationship psychology right now).
Let’s get going.
1) His eyes dilate
The eyes are always a dead giveaway. When a guy has a crush on an older woman, he’ll subconsciously dilate his eyes when she’s around. Why? It’s unclear, but one theory is that our eyes dilate to take in more light, so he’s trying to take in more of her beauty.
2) He values her opinion
He understands that she is more experienced than him, so he defers to her. He wants to know what she’s thinking, and knows that her opinions are worth listening to.
3) He’s protective of her
Just because the woman is older than the man doesn’t mean that he’s not going to lean into his biological instincts.
A man who is into a woman will be protective of her. It’s his way that he shows he is serious about the relationship. He wants to be seen as a protector and provider, even if he is the younger one.
There’s a new theory in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. And it goes to the heart of why younger men have protective instincts towards older women.
It’s called the hero instinct.
Simply put, a guy has a biological urge to feel like he’s a protector, provider, and essential to the woman he cares about. And that she respects him for this.
In other words, he wants to be her hero. Not an action hero like Thor, but an everyday hero to her.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who discovered the hero instinct, has created an excellent video about it.
If you want to trigger the hero instinct in a younger man, watch the free video here.
4) He doesn’t flake
When a younger man is into an older woman, he’ll show up. He doesn’t cancel plans. He doesn’t flake out. Instead, he shows up always. Why? Because he wants to show her that he’s serious. He’s working extra hard to show her that he’s mature enough to handle a relationship with her.
5) He listens
He never ignores her. Instead, he is attentive whenever she speaks. A man smitten with an older woman will understand that her stories and conversations are always worth listening to. He understands that she has valuable life experiences that he hasn’t yet had, and as a result, will want to listen to every word.
6) He makes a lot of physical contact
Men show their affection through physical contact. He’ll put his hand on her shoulder. He’ll gently take her coat from her arms. He may brush his hand on her knee. Why? Because touch is one of the most common forms of flirtation. Since he’s younger, he’ll use one of the first and most common forms of flirting that he knows: touch.
7) He mirrors her body language
We mirror when we want to subconsciously show someone that we have similarities. When a younger man is into an older woman, he’ll want to show her that they can get along — that they have things in common. This will be expressed through mirroring her body language.
8) He’s shy in her presence
Let’s face it: dating an older person is intimidating. A younger guy may be a little nervous that he’s not going to be “enough man” for an older woman. As a result, he may be a little shy around her, as he isn’t exactly sure how to act. That’s ok! If you’re an older woman and a younger man keeps acting shy around you, it might be time to think if he’s secretly crushing on you.
9) He angles his pelvis toward her
Va va voom! This is a very obvious tell. If a younger man is into an older woman, he’ll make a show of his virility by changing the way he stands. He’ll angle his pelvis directly at her in a strong display of his intense desire. He wants to make it clear he’s not just looking for friendship.
10) He goes out of his way to be helpful
Does your younger guy want to help you whenever he can? Fix whatever is broken around your house? Give you advice when you have a problem?
Even though he probably realizes you can take care of yourself, he still wants to step up for you.
All men have a built in desire for something that goes beyond love or sex.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel essential to the woman in his life. Therefore, being helpful is an excellent sign a younger man is into an older woman.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I mentioned this concept above.
Watch his excellent free video here. He explains exactly what the hero instinct is and how you can use it to rocket your relationship to the next level.
11) He gets close when she talks
A younger man will want to express intimacy with an older woman. An easy way to do this is to make physical intimacy by getting as close as possible. During conversation, a younger man will draw very close to the older woman he likes, in order to block out the outside world around them.
12) He’s super affectionate
Even if he’s been dating her for a long time, a young man will shower his older girlfriend/fiancee/wife with affection. He’ll call her sweet names, give her kisses in public, shower her with gifts, you name it! It’s a way to remind her + the world around that he is serious in his feelings for her.
13) He does his homework
He’ll figure out what she likes, and then he’ll learn everything about those. When there’s an age gap, there may be things that the older partner likes that the younger partner isn’t familiar with. Maybe she has a favorite movie that came out before he was born. Maybe she really loves a board game that isn’t super common anymore. Whatever it is, he’ll figure it out, and he’ll learn all about it.
14) He can’t break eye contact with her…all of her
He is totally staring. And everyone can see. He’s not just looking at her eyes, he’s looking at her face, her neckline, her whole body. He’s smitten, and he can’t keep his eyes off of her. A younger man may not have enough confidence to start with more bold forms of flirting, so he may be resorting to simpler methods.
15) He asks for her phone number.
This is another super clear sign. If a younger guy is into an older woman, he’ll make every effort to communicate with her. That means getting her phone number. It’s not specific to young men/older women, but rather universal to anyone dating. If he’s interested, he’ll get her number.
16) He talks her up all the time
When a younger guy keeps talking about an older woman in his life, it’s probably a good sign that he’s interested in her. Why? Because we can’t help from talking about people that we are into. In this case, the younger man may bring up the older woman to his friends, his colleagues, and his family.
17) He’ll defer to her judgement
Curious if a younger guy is into an older woman? Count how many times he defers to her. What does that look like? It could look like him agreeing to what she wants, going along with her plans, or asking for her opinions. Why? Because he values her life experiences. He understands that she brings a lot to the table, and wants to show his respect through deferring to her.
18) He compliments her all the time
Younger men will compliment older women constantly. Is this because they’re not old enough to master the art of subtlety? Maybe? We can’t say for sure. But what we can say is that if a younger man is complimenting an older woman (be it her appearances, her accomplishments), then it’s a very strong sign that he’s into her.
19) He flirts with her all the time
Flirting is a sign that anyone is into somebody; it’s not just something for younger men who are into older women. However, younger men may not be as forward as early with older women. Instead, they may want to test the waters to see if the older woman is receptive to their affection. As a result, they may flirt pretty heavily early on to see if the women are interested in them as well.
20) He calls and texts
He’ll make an effort to get ahold of her. He may call her, he may text her, he may even email her. Whatever way it is, he’ll do it frequently. Why? Because he wants to show her that he’s interested in her. One way to do that is to keep the communication level high. If he’s constantly texting an older woman, that’s a key sign that he’s into her.
21) He blows off his friends for her
This is another key sign that a younger man is into an older woman. He’ll blow off his friends to spend time with an older woman. That may seem obvious, but sometimes it’s hard to see this playing out in real life. It’s not always easy to notice when he’s blowing off his friends. But, if you notice that he’s suddenly way more available, or available on days that he’s normally “with the guys,” then you might have a strong sign he’s into somebody.
22) He is interested in her hobbies
If a younger man suddenly takes an interest in an older woman’s hobbies, this is a clear sign that he’s crushing on her. This is due to him trying to show her that he values her and the things that she values.
If she’s an avid bowler, don’t be surprised if he suddenly is hitting the lanes!
23) He asks her to meet his family
Whenever a guy asks a girl to meet his family, it’s a clear sign that he’s super interested in her as a romantic partner. Men never do this unless they’re serious about a potential partner, and they’re bringing a potential partner around to get the familial seal of approval.
24) He asks her on a date
This is another very obvious sign. If a younger man asks an older woman on a date (dinner, drinks, movies, mini-golf), it’s undoubtedly because he’s into her. If this happens to you and you’re questioning “is he really into me,” then you need to ask yourself “why wouldn’t he be into you??” You can’t be afraid of the relationship — go for it!
25) He makes an effort with her children
Older women often have children (and they often don’t, no judgement either way!), and they’re a critical part of women’s lives. Younger men who are into older women will make an effort to make a good impression on their kids. They want to show an older woman that they’re serious about the relationship, and could therefore work into a pre-existing family dynamic.
26) He wants to know about her
He asks her questions constantly. He wants to know all of her favorite hobbies. He wants to know where she grew up, he wants to know about her job. He wants to know everything she has to say. He understands that she has more life experience, and as a result, he wants to learn everything she has to teach.
27) He acts more mature
He steps up his game. He puts aside some of his childish antics, and acts like a real gentleman. He’ll clean up his act, he’ll stop dating around, and he’ll show her that he is mature enough to handle her.
Why are younger men into older women?
Because she’s attractive, duh.
I’m serious. Let’s dispel the myth that the only older people who are attractive are men. Older women are gorgeous. He’s into an older woman because he thinks she’s hot.
Besides that though, he’s into her because of her sophistication and life experiences. He values her maturity and wants to live up to her expectations. She makes him want to be a better man.
Does an age difference really matter?
As long as both people are legally adults, we’re of the opinion that it doesn’t matter what the age gap is between two people as long as they’re happy.
But sometimes age differences in relationships can lead to complications.
For one thing, when one person is older than the other, each partner can come into the relationship with different levels of maturity, expectations, needs, and understanding of what a relationship is.
It’s not always the case, but oftentimes older and younger people simply may be on different pages in a relationship. This is one of the things that cause relationships to fray.
So as long as the older woman and the younger guy are on the same page, the relationship can definitely work.
What do you call it when an older woman dates a younger man?
The classic slang is “cougar.” It actually comes from writer Valerie Gibson, who wrote Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men
When do men look their best?
This is different for every man, and everybody’s opinion is subjective. Some women think men are hottest in their 20s, others think it’s when they’re in their 50s. It totally depends on the man!
When do women hit their sexual peak?
This is a loaded question and has many different answers. Women typically hit menopause around the age of 51, though that doesn’t necessarily mean that there will be a decline in sexual intimacy.
Women in their 20s typically have more sex than at any other point in their lives, but men and women can and do have healthy sex lives well through their golden years.
Younger men crush on older women all the time. While pop culture has conditioned us to not believe this is common, it definitely is.
Because of that, we aren’t always aware of the key signs that a younger man is into an older woman.
You need to be aware of these key signs. Once you have a good understanding of the signs a younger man is into an older woman, you’ll start to see them everywhere.
After understanding that the younger man is into you, the real question is: where do you go from there?