When a woman is just keeping you as a backup, she might act interested but her true feelings are hidden.
On the contrary, when a woman is truly into you, you’ll know it without question. It’s all about understanding the subtle signs. And let me tell you, those signs are always there.
As someone who’s been through this, I’m here to help you distinguish between the two. Here are some signs that will help you figure out if a woman isn’t truly into you or if she’s just keeping you as her plan B.
1) She’s inconsistent with her attention
One of the most telling signs that a woman isn’t truly into you is if her attention towards you is inconsistent.
In relationships, consistency is key. When someone is genuinely interested in you, they will make a regular effort to connect and communicate with you.
However, if a woman is only keeping you as a backup, her attention towards you can feel sporadic. One day she might be very attentive and flirtatious, and the next day she might be distant or unresponsive.
It’s like she’s blowing hot and cold. This inconsistency can be confusing, but it’s often a clear sign she’s not fully invested in you. Instead, it’s likely that she’s just keeping you on the back burner for when she needs you.
Sounds familiar?
It may be time to reassess where you stand with her. And remember, you deserve someone who values and appreciates you consistently.
2) She’s never the one initiating contact
This is a sign that really hit home for me. I remember dating a woman who rarely, if ever, initiated contact. I would always be the one to text or call her first. Even our dates were always planned by me.
At first, I thought she was just playing hard to get, or perhaps she was just shy. But over time, I realized that it was more than that.
When a woman is truly into you, she’ll want to talk to you, check in on you, hear about your day, and share parts of her own life with you. Sure, some women might be more reserved than others, but they will still show a consistent interest in your life.
In my case, once I recognized this sign and confronted her about it, it became clear that she wasn’t truly into me. She saw me more as a safety net than a potential partner.
3) She avoids introducing you to her close circle
When a woman is genuinely into you, she’ll want to introduce you to her friends and family. These introductions are her way of integrating you into her life, showing that she sees a future with you.
On the other hand, if she’s keeping you as a backup, she may avoid these introductions. She might make excuses or change the subject when the topic comes up.
If she’s constantly avoiding this step, it could be a sign that she’s not envisioning a long-term future with you. Instead, she might be keeping you on the sidelines until something “better” comes along.
4) She’s not interested in your personal life
When someone is genuinely into you, they’ll show interest in your life, your interests, and your experiences. They’ll ask questions and engage in deep conversations to get to know you better.
A woman is just keeping you as a backup? She might not show the same level of interest.
You might find that she rarely asks about your day or your interests. Perhaps she changes the subject when you talk about personal matters or she doesn’t remember details you’ve shared with her.
5) She’s non-committal about plans
Planning future events or outings is a sign of commitment in any relationship. But when a woman isn’t truly into you, she might be vague or non-committal about making plans.
You might notice that she’s always “too busy” or she keeps saying “we’ll see” when you suggest future activities. Or maybe she keeps canceling plans at the last minute with little to no explanation.
These are all signs that she’s keeping you in the wings. If she was genuinely interested, she’d be excited to spend time with you and make plans together.
But by being non-committal, she’s keeping her options open and leaving you as a backup.
6) She doesn’t open up to you emotionally
When a woman is truly into you, she will allow herself to be vulnerable, to share her dreams, fears, and deep emotions with you. This emotional openness is one of the key cornerstones of a genuine relationship.
However, if she’s just keeping you as a backup, she might hold back on sharing these deeper emotions. You may find that your conversations are mostly surface-level – about everyday happenings, but never delving into the deeper, more personal matters.
This lack of emotional intimacy can be heartbreaking. It leaves you feeling like you’re on the outside looking in, like you’re never quite allowed into her inner world.
This is not what a loving, committed relationship looks like. In a real relationship, both parties are willing and eager to share themselves fully with each other.
7) She’s still in touch with her exes
Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with maintaining a healthy friendship with an ex. But if she’s frequently talking to her exes, or if she seems to rely on them for emotional support, it could be a sign.
I recall a time when I was dating this woman who was always chatting with her ex. At first, I didn’t think much of it. But over time, I realized she was turning to him in moments of emotional need, not me.
When someone is genuinely into you, they’ll look to you for support and comfort in good times and bad. But if she’s still leaning on her exes, it could indicate that she’s not ready or willing to move on from them.
8) She doesn’t make an effort to understand you
Understanding is a two-way street in any relationship. When a woman is truly into you, she’ll make an effort to understand your perspectives, your feelings, and your experiences.
But if she’s just keeping you as a backup, she might not take the time to understand your point of view.
She might dismiss your feelings or disregard your experiences. You might feel like you’re constantly explaining yourself, but she never really ‘gets’ you.
This lack of understanding can leave you feeling isolated and unappreciated.
9) She doesn’t reciprocate your feelings
At the end of the day, the most significant sign that a woman isn’t truly into you is if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
If you’re always the one expressing affection, making gestures, or saying “I love you,” and she never or rarely reciprocates, it’s a clear sign she’s not as invested as you are.
If you’re feeling unreciprocated love, it’s important to communicate your feelings. If she still doesn’t reciprocate, it’s likely she’s keeping you as a backup.
Final thoughts: It’s about self-respect
The dynamics of human relationships are complex and often challenging to navigate. But at the crux of it all, there is a fundamental value that should never be undermined – self-respect.
If you find yourself in a situation where you’re being kept as a backup, it’s crucial to remember your worth. You deserve someone who genuinely appreciates you, values your presence, and reciprocates your feelings.
A quote from psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers resonates deeply here: “The best proof of love is trust.”
In a genuine relationship, there should be mutual trust, respect, and love. If these elements are missing, it might be time to reassess and prioritize your self-worth.
The way others treat us is often a reflection of how we treat ourselves. Always ensure that you’re setting the bar high for how you deserve to be treated.
