Are you wondering where you stand?
One of the most frustrating things in human relationships is that we can’t read each others’ minds. We never really know what other people are thinking or feeling, even when they tell us.
But some people are even harder to read than others.
It may come from past trauma. Or it may just be a personality trait. But some people – me included – are very reluctant to make major decisions or show other people how they feel.
Still, if you know what to look for, there are some signs that a person who shies away from commitment still feels strongly about you.
1) Watch their body language
There are lots of statistics out there that suggest that nonverbal communication, including body language, is much more powerful than what we actually say.
For example, one study demonstrated that nonverbal signals have 4.3 times the effect that a verbal cue has.
But most of us are not as good at controlling our body language as we are at controlling what we say.
That means, if someone is trying to hide something from you, their body language may give them away.
People who want to avoid commitment may not tell you how deep their feelings for you are. But their body and facial expressions may give them away.
For example, they may:
- sit up straighter when you’re around
- touch their eyebrows
- turn their body to face yours directly
- keep you in their line of sight
- point their toes towards you
- mirror your body language
These signs can be incredibly subtle. In fact, most of the time, the person doing these behaviors is not even aware they are doing them.
That makes body language one of the best ways to know if someone has deep feelings for you.
2) They maintain eye contact
This is also part of nonverbal communication, but it’s such a powerful signal that it deserves its own entry on this list.
Eye contact is part of any conversation between humans. But we almost invariably make longer and deeper eye contact with people that we like.
If a person who normally avoids commitment can’t seem to keep their eyes off yours, it’s a good sign that they have deep feelings for you – even if they are not willing to come out and say it.
3) They focus on you
This is a behavior that’s extra noticeable in group settings. But if you pay attention, you can also notice it in a one-on-one setting.
Does the person you’re thinking about always seem to focus on you? Do they make an effort to bring you into a conversation in a group setting and always find a way to bring the focus back to you?
Do they call and text when you’re not around to keep the lines of communication open? Do they always invite you to whatever they are doing?
If so, this person may not be ready to commit. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have deep and strong feelings for you.
4) They make time for you
Similar to the point above, this is a sure sign that somebody is interested in you – even if they don’t want to commit.
People with fears of commitment may not come out and tell you they want to be around you. Instead, they will show it in how they act.
They will invite you to do things with them. They will always show up for anything you invite them to. They will go out of their way to spend time around you.
This is a powerful signal that they have deep feelings for you.
And even if they are afraid to come out and say it, they often reveal themselves in the way they act.
5) They remember things about you
This signal is more subtle, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a powerful indication that somebody is interested in you.
- Remember important dates like your birthday?
- Remember your likes and dislikes, such as favorite snacks, candy, or drinks?
- Remember things you told them a while ago, such as where you come from or how many siblings you have?
- Remember things you said and bring them up in later conversations?
The thing is, these are all major signs that the person in question listens carefully to what you say. If they remember it, it’s because the things you say are important to them.
So even if they are afraid to commit, they may well have deep feelings for you.
6) They seem happy to be around you
This one can be a little harder to read.
After all, you don’t really get to see what people are like when you aren’t around.
However, you can sometimes tell if a person brightens up in your presence.
Maybe it’s as simple as the way they smile when you walk into the room.
Or maybe other people have told you that the person always seems happier when you are there.
After all, it’s not exactly rocket science. Being around other people who mean the most to us makes us happy.
So if someone noticeably brightens up in your presence, it’s probably because they feel very strongly about you.
7) They get jealous
Be careful with this one.
Jealousy can be an extremely destructive emotion. That’s why you should never deliberately try to make someone jealous to find out how they feel.
It’s also true that people with good emotional control of themselves shouldn’t feel jealous of others – or at least not show it.
Still, we are all human.
Someone who has strong feelings for you but isn’t willing to commit to those feelings may show jealousy when you talk about spending time with others. They may resent the idea of you dating anyone else.
Of course, if someone has feelings for you but is afraid to express them, you shouldn’t put your life on hold hoping they change.
If they can’t process their feelings in a healthy way and summon up the courage to commit to you, you’re better off with someone else.
But that doesn’t change the fact that jealousy can be a sign that someone feels deeply for you, even if it is a negative one.
8) They keep quiet
This can be another tough one. After all, some people are just naturally quiet.
But think about it. If a person has strong feelings for you that they are afraid of showing, they may find it easier not to say too much at all.
They may worry that if they did talk more freely, they would end up saying something they may regret.
People who are afraid of commitment are often afraid of the depth and power of their own emotions. That can lead to them saying very little and trying to keep quiet so that they don’t end up revealing themselves.
9) They try to impress you
Because a noncommittal person won’t come out and say how they feel about you, they may instead show it by trying to impress you.
Perhaps they brag about their achievements. Perhaps they show off their skills, their sense of humor, or any other trait they think is among their best.
The thing is, we all want to impress the people we care about.
So if someone is always trying to impress you, it may not be because they are boastful, but because they really want you to like them, even if they are afraid to fully commit to a relationship.
10) Their emotions often change
When someone is being honest about themselves and their feelings, it can cause them to lose control of their emotions.
This can make them seem emotionally volatile. They may be fun, outgoing, and affectionate one day, then reserved, quiet, and even cold the next.
That’s because they’re fighting against what they really feel. Some days, they are unable to hide their true feelings, and they may compensate on another day by suppressing the way they feel even more.
However, it’s important not to take emotional volatility as a sign of something good. There can be lots of reasons why people don’t have good control of their emotions.
In fact, it can often be a warning sign of a personality disorder or someone who lacks emotional control.
When a noncommittal person has deep feelings for you
A person with a fear of commitment may have valid reasons for it. Still, it can cause real harm in their relationships and ability to connect with others.
The signs listed above may demonstrate that a person with a fear of commitment is interested in you. But sooner or later, they’re going to have to come out and say how they feel, in words.
Otherwise, you may both end up wasting a lot of time.