Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, but all too often it can go off track.
Especially when there’s another woman involved …
Finding true love and intimacy can be a challenging journey, but when you find it and it still derails the feelings of disappointment can be intense …
If you’re worried about your husband’s behavior and wondering what’s wrong there are some important things you are probably wondering about.
First and foremost: is your husband cheating and – even worse – is he in love with another woman?
It hurts to ask, but taking an honest look at these 18 signs a married man is in love with another woman will help you know whether your suspicions are well-founded or not.
Maybe something else is going on with your husband that has nothing to do with infidelity or him going astray from you. Accusing him of falling for someone else would be both humiliating and make things even worse than they already are between you.
But on the other hand, maybe he really has fallen in love with another woman and it’s not just all in your head.
Here are the 18 signs a married man is in love with another woman.
1) He doesn’t care how you’re doing
It’s not like every day needs to be one-on-one with Barbara Walters, but it’s normal for a husband to ask his wife how she’s doing now and then.
Or even just give her a rub on the shoulder and ask if anything exciting happened today.
Sure, it may have become routine or a bit boring by now, but it’s a nice sign of checking in and caring.
But if your husband is into someone else now he’s not going to be doing this kind of thing much – if at all.
He’ll rarely ask how you are or stop listening as soon as he asks.
He’ll seem preoccupied, even jittery, and completely unfocused on you or how you are doing.
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In many cases, it will seem like not only does he not care, he actively wants to avoid asking or having any interaction with you at all beyond the complete basics.
2) He’s physically distant
Some men are naturally a little less physically affectionate, but if you’re noticing an obvious “pulling back” from him then it can be a sign he’s fallen for someone else.
Where once there were cuddles and kisses now there’s him awkwardly getting up from the couch when you sit down.
If you’re seeing this symptom, as well as any others in this article, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee that he’s cheating. However, you do need to start taking action to stop the degradation of your marriage.
Watch this video to learn about 3 techniques that will help you repair your relationship (even if your husband isn’t interested at the moment).
The video was created by Brad Browning, a leading relationship expert. Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel.
3) He stages fights as excuses to leave and meet his fling
This one can be tricky, so watch out for it.
A married man who is chasing another woman will sometimes stage a fight with his wife in order to provide an excuse to go meet her.
He’ll overreact performatively to minor disagreements or conversations as a way to walk out and go do his own thing.
And in many cases “doing his thing” means going to sleep with and spend time with another woman he’s fallen in love with and cheating on you with.
Watch out for small fights about nothing or him seeming over-eager to have excuses to get upset and leave.
Does he seem to be trying to get away from you constantly? That’s a classic indicator of an affair.
4) He’s too busy for couple activities and friend get-togethers
If he’s always too busy for couple activities and friends and family get-togethers then something is generally up with him.
Yes, he may be going through his own issues that aren’t related to cheating or another woman. But there’s also a real chance he could be being unfaithful.
It’s very hard to believe someone we love could be betraying us in such a deep way, but it’s happened before and it will happen again.
So keep your radar active.
If he’s got an excuse for every time there’s a chance to meet family or friends it could be because he’s hankering for you or the family to get out of the house so he can go visit his new crush or invite her over …
It sounds awful, but it’s definitely possible.
5) He forgets important dates like your anniversary and birthday
Guys are known for forgetting important dates like anniversaries, so it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheating.
But if you notice a sudden and intense drop in his recollection of important dates then it could well be a sign he’s gone astray and he’s munching in someone else’s cabbage patch.
Gone are the days when he would buy you a thoughtful gift for a special day or give you a warm hug and a bottle of wine.
Now he’s distant and disinterested.
Even his apology sounds like him just going through the motions.
Not a good sign.
6) He’s not acting like a hero
When a man is happy and committed to his marriage, he displays a very particular set of behaviors.
Is he standing up for you? Protecting you (in little and big ways)? Helping you whenever he can, either around the house or as a sounding board for any problems you have?
If he’s not, then alarm bells should be ringing that he’s not satisfied in his marriage.
There’s a new theory in relationship psychology that goes to the heart of why some men are committed to their marriages and why others are seeking things they crave from other women.
It’s called the hero instinct.
Simply put, a guy wants to feel like he’s a protector, provider, and essential to the woman he cares about. And that she respects him for this.
In other words, he wants to feel like a hero to his wife. Not an action hero like Thor, but an everyday hero.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who coined the term, has created an excellent video about it. Watch the video here.
The kicker is that when the hero instinct isn’t triggered in a married man he might be seeking these feelings from someone else.
Although you may not need a hero, your husband is compelled to be one. And if you want him to be happy in your marriage, then you have to let him.
But how do you trigger this instinct in him?
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. And there are things you can say, messages you can send, requests you can make to trigger the hero instinct in him.
James Bauer outlines what you can do in his free video.
I don’t often recommend videos like this. But the hero instinct is one of the most fascinating concepts in relationship psychology I’ve come across.
I think it could be a game changer for a lot of marriages.
7) He’s out of touch with you about his schedule
If you’re used to receiving texts now and then about your husband’s schedule or when he’ll be home it can be frustrating and worrisome to stop getting them.
He goes from checking in with you about what he’s up to being an elusive ghost who pops in and out of the house randomly and never seems to be home.
Where is he? When will he be back?
You become scared to even ask in case he acts all defensive and offended about the questions.
But you could definitely be onto something.
Where once there was a loving caress of your face now there’s him avoiding eye contact and looking like his phone is now the most interesting thing he’s ever seen in his life.
Physical affection and closeness seem like a thing of the past.
But is he really just not feeling it right now or is he giving his love to someone else?
8) He expects you to be a supermodel
If he’s become critical of your appearance and makes sarcastic throwaway comments about your weight and how you look then he’s being a jerk who doesn’t care about supporting you.
There’s a difference between appreciating when you look hot and being a hyper-critical jackass.
When he’s never noticing your best moments but only pointing out your worst then there’s a good chance he’s no longer afraid to lose you and could have someone else who matters more to him.
9) His credit card has strange charges
Whether you share credit cards or you just happen to glance over his shoulder when he’s paying his bills, you may notice that he’s got a lot of new charges on his credit card.
He may also be tighter with money than usual.
Has your husband just developed a new money mindset or is he saving that money to spend on another gal?
Time will tell, but don’t blame yourself for having some suspicions.
Sometimes erratic and increased spending and him never seeming to have any extra money can be a sign he’s spending money on a new woman.
10) He’s conversationally distant
This is linked to the other points about him becoming critical, distant, forgetting key dates, and avoiding asking you about your day.
He’s also just super not into talking … pretty much ever.
Beyond the most basic of daily pleasantries, a husband who is running around on you will seem like a different man from the one you used to have deep conversations with.
Talking about your innermost thoughts, your worries for the future, the ways that experiences are changing you as you go through life together?
You can forget about that …
But he could definitely be venting all of his deepest thoughts to a new lover.
Click here to watch an excellent free video with tips on how to deal with communication problems in a marriage (and much more — it’s well worth watching).
This video was created by Brad Browning. I mentioned him above. He’s one of the leading experts on repairing marriages and his videos are always well worth checking out.
11) His respect for you is rock bottom
When a man has emotionally “unlinked” from you and is seeing another woman his respect tends to hit rock bottom.
In addition to being a jerk about your appearance and avoiding conversations and spending time with you, you may notice that he shows little to no appreciation for anything you do.
He makes taking you for granted into an art form and then some.
No matter what you do or how much affection and to care you show him he’s like a loutish boar who shows no regard for you. He just doesn’t care. And it’s clear he doesn’t respect you. It’s more than fair at this point to wonder what’s up and even approach him about it directly.
12) He seems to be hiding something
You walk in the room and he slams his laptop shut like he was just hacking the World Bank.
Maybe your hubby was watching some really kinky porn that would shock everything you think you knew about him, but let’s be honest about the possibility that he was also …
… messaging a new woman who he’s been seeing or hopes to see soon.
If he’s avoidant and distant in every way and seems to be hiding something you have a clue that something is amiss in Husbandland.
When you walk into the kitchen and ask who he’s talking to and he coughs awkwardly and says “oh nobody … just a friend” or “oh it’s just Gary” in an overly quick, defensive way, your wifey-senses will be telling you that he’s definitely hiding something. And you’re probably right.
And what’s with his vague answers when you ask what he’s up to this weekend or any other average question?
Why does he act like he’s about to get put in the electric chair and drip sweat like a fiend when you casually ask if you can check the time on his cellphone?
Whatever the reason might be if you sense he has a pattern of hiding what he’s doing you can be sure that something is off …
13) He only says what he thinks you want to hear
In addition to avoiding talking to you and just throwing out random pleasantries – if anything at all – the unfaithful husband generally follows the path of least resistance.
If he’s all about getting intimate with someone new then he does whatever it takes to get rid of you.
Including telling you what you want to hear.
His responses come just a little too fast and easily, his laughter a bit too automatic, his replies to questions are just a bit too checked out.
The lights are on but nobody’s home.
14) He avoids eye contact
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and they can reveal a lot.
From love and joy to distrust and paranoia.
If your guy is cheating on you or something else is amiss then be prepared for him to noticeably avoid eye contact.
He might look at you for a second or two, sure, but you’ll notice he often jerks away like he did it by mistake or he’s uncomfortable.
Watch for that eye gaze “flinch.” It looks awfully guilty, doesn’t it?
Why is he so uncomfortable looking you in the eye? It’s downright sad, and it could be a sign that he’s hooking up with a new lady.
15) He awkwardly laughs or acts dismissive when you mention special memories
If you like to sometimes take a stroll down memory lane you’ll notice your special guy is suddenly nowhere to be found …
When you talk about how you met …
Or relive a special memory in front of friends …
Or go for a kiss under the starlight as you talk about how much you love him …
He shies away like you’re doing something wrong as if he’s denying or “erasing” those intimate times you had together and the love story that led to your marriage.
This is a giant red warning sign that something’s not right, and if it isn’t him cheating on you then it’s likely something else equally serious.
17) He looks or sounds relieved when you’re busy
When you love someone you want to spend time with them. Not all the time, of course, and marriage can be a lot of work.
But you aren’t typically glad to be free of someone.
At least I hope not. And if he is the one in the equation who seems relieved every time you’re busy or will be away then you can make an educated guess something is going on and it could be another woman.
Why is he so relaxed suddenly when you tell him you won’t be home until late? Or when you say you need to head out of town for the weekend?
Maybe he just wants some space, sure, but maybe he’s also head over heels for a new woman and glad to have you out of the way for a while.
18) He’s suddenly working late a lot
This may be the oldest cliche in the book, but it’s an old cliche for a reason: it’s one of the most common things men say when they’re cheating.
If he sleeps with someone else a time or two this can often be his go-to move. And if he’s pursuing something longer-term and really falling for another lady you may notice “working late” cropping up like the chorus to a song.
He’s always working late.
But he’s not working on you …
So What Does it All Mean?
At the end of the day, it can shatter you to think someone you love and have formed a life with is running around on you.
But if many of the above signs are happening it’s often better to just rip the bandaid off and confront your husband directly than to let the suspicion and sadness linger for years.
Maybe he’s not being unfaithful and he still loves you but he’s going through other difficulties or a personal crisis of some kind.
Maybe he’s still faithful to you but he’s fallen out of love or grown apart from you in significant ways.
Whatever the case may be, open communication is an absolute must in any marriage and it’s vital that you talk to your husband about what’s going on in order to re-stoke the flames of love.