Do you think one of your married male coworkers is attracted to you?
Your intuition is probably right.
But, if you’d like to know for sure, here are 10 signs that might be the case:
1) He offers his help as often as possible
Are you familiar with the 5 love languages?
According to relationship coach Julie Nguyen, “the five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.”
Now, even if we’re not talking about love here, but about attraction, this doesn’t change how your married male coworker behaves if he feels attracted to you.
You see, if his love language is acts of service, then he would naturally offer his help to you as often as possible.
This is how he might express his attraction to you.
So, think about this. Is he trying to help you with whatever you are doing? Is he offering to buy you coffee or tea?
If your married male coworker is not doing these things, then it doesn’t mean that he isn’t attracted to you. He could be using a different love language.
Or, maybe he simply doesn’t feel attracted to you. Maybe you are the one feeling attraction and that’s why you’re looking for signs.
2) He treats you differently than other female coworkers
Another sign of attraction is when your married male coworker treats you differently than he treats other female coworkers.
Well, as writer Sparklle Rainne puts it, “if the married man in question happens to be your superior at work, then he might even start giving you preferential treatment.”
This means that you could get a raise, a promotion, or even a good project he wouldn’t give to someone else.
If that happens, it means he’s attracted to you.
But, even if he’s not your superior at work, he could still treat you differently. For example, he could ask you about your life outside work, your hobbies, your relationship status, and so on.
Or, maybe he’d give you a lot of compliments, or do something nice for you that he wouldn’t do for anyone else. This can also be considered a sign of attraction.
So, just watch out for all these micro-signals that he sends out. They all have a meaning.
3) He stares at you when he thinks no one sees him
The next sign that your married coworker is attracted to you is when he stares at you when he thinks no one else is looking.
John Keegan, dating coach, confirms this sign and he adds:
“He might not even realize how obviously he’s admiring you! Try to catch him in the act by looking over at him suddenly. If you see him staring and he looks away quickly while blushing or smiling, it means he likes you.”
So, if you see that your married coworker’s gaze is fixed on you when he thinks no one is looking, then you can take it as a sign of attraction.
He can’t look away because there’s something about you that he finds mesmerizing. Maybe he finds you beautiful. Or, maybe he finds you sexy.
Whatever it is that keeps his gaze fixed on you, it shows that he is attracted to you.
4) His body language gives him away
Want to know more?
Married or not, your male coworker will show signs of attraction even if he doesn’t want to. His body language will give him away.
Simply, put, you can tell if a man likes you by observing his body language.
When he is around you, watch for cues like standing or sitting closer to show interest, maintaining eye contact, smiling or laughing more frequently, and leaning in while communicating with you.
Abigail Boyd – a professional writer, and researcher – adds the following body language signs to the list:
- He runs his hands through his hair often
- He starts fiddling with his clothes
- He mirrors your movements
- He teases you playfully
- He acts subtly jealous when other guys are around
So, can you recognize all these cues? If you aren’t sure, then pay attention to him, and read his body language.
It’s the easiest way to learn if he’s attracted to you.
5) He pays you all sorts of compliments
Another thing that is a sign of attraction is when your married male coworker pays you all sorts of compliments.
Talking about the 5 love languages again, if his love language is words of affirmation, then he will compliment you and tell you how attractive, beautiful, or cool he finds you.
But, even if his love language is not words of affirmation, he can still compliment you. He can tell you what a great employee or coworker you are. He can also say how smart and resourceful you are. And so on.
His compliments don’t have to be flattery. They don’t have to be sexual either.
What matters is that he enjoys talking to you and that his compliments are sincere. So, pay attention to what he says when you’re together, and look for other signs of attraction as well.
Maybe he’s just a guy who likes to make other people feel good about themselves and he has no hidden agenda. He might simply be a good guy.
6) He doesn’t talk about his wife or marriage
Another sign of attraction is when your married coworker doesn’t mention his wife or marriage.
Well, he might have more than one reason for doing so.
The first reason could be that he plans to act on his attraction for you and he doesn’t want you to think about his marriage or wife.
The second reason could be that you distract him a lot. Maybe you make him feel all sorts of pleasurable sensations that make him forget all about his life outside of work.
Whatever the reason is, the bottom line is that his silence about his marriage or wife can be a sign of attraction.
But what if he only complains about his marriage or wife?
If a married male coworker complains about his wife or marriage, then you can’t rule out attraction either.
Because he might talk badly about his marriage or wife even if things aren’t really the way he says they are. He might do that because of his attraction to you.
This could be his way of getting your attention.
So, listen to him and pay attention to his complaints. If he talks about how miserable and unhappy he is with his wife, then he might be sending another message: he’s attracted to you.
7) He makes attempts to connect with you outside work
The next sign that your married coworker is attracted to you is when he makes attempts to connect with you outside work.
He could find an excuse to ask for your number or connect with you on social media. He could also ask you to go to lunch or after-work drinks.
In my case, when I first received a text from a married male coworker, it was after midnight and it was saying that he won a football game with his team.
As you probably expect, I didn’t reply to it. I had no idea what he meant.
But, as I later found out, he was trying to connect with me due to his attraction to me.
So, pay attention to all the possible interactions that you have with your married male coworker. Not only when you are at work, but also outside work.
If there’s something that he does to initiate a conversation with you or try to set up a date with you, then it can be a sign of attraction.
But, how will you know whether he’s just trying to make a connection with you because he’s friendly or because he’s attracted to you?
You can’t always say for certain. But, these are just some signs that he’s attracted to you.
8) He suddenly starts wearing perfume and pays attention to his appearance
Here’s another sign your married male coworker is attracted to you:
He suddenly starts wearing perfume and he pays more attention to his appearance.
“All that personal grooming could be a clue that he cares how you see him. If he wants to be attractive around you, it could be because he feels in fact attracted,” says Crystal Jackson, a former therapist.
In other words, he starts to act differently around you. He pays more attention to his appearance – be it in his clothes or in how he looks.
That’s because he wants you to pay attention to him. He wants you to see a different side of him, a more attractive and flattering side of him.
And, by the way, if he does that more than once, it’s usually a sign that he’s showing real interest in you.
9) He doesn’t shy away from making sexual innuendos
The last sign your married male coworker is attracted to you is when he makes sexual innuendos.
What are sexual innuendos? Sexual innuendos are implied sexual references. They can be explicit or they can be more subtle.
But, in any case, when your married male coworker makes them, it’s likely that he’s attracted to you. He’s probably interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with you or he thinks about having sex with you.
Because people who are physically attracted to each other usually try to make the other one feel good by flirting and teasing them.
This is because flirting and teasing usually lead to sex. So, your married male coworker might flirt or tease you in order to see if he can interest you sexually.
But what if he only makes sexual comments about other women?
If your married male coworker only makes sexual comments about other women, then you can rule out his attraction for you.
What is inappropriate flirting when married?
To figure out if your married male coworker is really flirting with you or he’s just being friendly, you will have to figure out what the appropriate rules and limits are.
Every marriage is different and there are often different rules and limits than what is applied in other marriages.
However, according to Live Science, flirting crosses “that invincible line from innocent bantering to dangerous dialogue” when…
…it has a sexual agenda
…there are serious intentions involved
…cheating is the ultimate purpose
In other words, if your married male coworker flirts with you only when the two of you are alone and he pays you compliments about your appearance and makes sexual remarks as well, then his flirting is inappropriate.
However, if his remarks are inoffensive and he doesn’t seem bothered by other coworkers’ presence when he makes them, then you can be sure he’s not showing special interest in you. He’s just being friendly.
A married male coworker is attracted to you. Now what?
If the signs point to attraction, then what should you do? There are two options.
You can either play along and see where things go, or you can avoid him and not give his comments or behavior any attention at all.
When you play along and see where things go, there’s a risk that you might fall for him. If you do, then you run the risk of ending up in a relationship with him. That’s where the danger lies.
If that happens, then it can be very difficult to end things once they get serious between you two. Not to mention that his wife might find out about it.
On the other hand, giving his behavior no attention might make him confused. He might start thinking of you as cold and unapproachable. So, there’s a chance he won’t approach you again.
If that’s what you want, then this is your best option.
So, depending on what you want, you can either ignore him or play along. Choose one of the two options and stick to it.