Trying to work out what’s going on inside someone else’s head certainly isn’t easy.
But the truth is that neither is it that complicated.
Psychologically speaking, when we deeply care about someone, we have ways of showing it.
That means we will know it in a guy’s behavior and words.
Let’s take a look at the clear signs that it’s not just lust, feelings are involved.
How do you know if he’s truly fallen for you?
Time to find out…
1) He’s interested in your brain and not just your beauty
When feelings run deep, there has to be some substance to his affections.
Most of us will admit that we’re a sucker for a pretty face.
The reality is that we are often initially drawn to someone because of the way they look.
But if we decide to stick around, it’s down to personality.
When we get to know someone better, whether we find them smart, interesting, funny, caring, silly, passionate, etc. cements how we feel.
On the other hand, physical attraction alone often doesn’t cut it. It may feel fine for a fling or short-term thing, but it doesn’t have longevity.
That’s why if a guy has deeper feelings for you, he’s interested in what makes you tick.
He likes to hear your opinions and thoughts. In short, he enjoys your mind just as much as your body.
2) He respects your boundaries
A man who has deep feelings for you doesn’t try to manipulate you for selfish reasons.
So if you say no to something you don’t feel comfortable doing, he won’t try to wear you down.
Cajollying, pilling on the pressure, and underhand emotional blackmail (like sulking or stonewalling) are ugly tactics.
That’s not to say they never go on in a relationship, sadly it can be all too common.
But when someone really cares about your feelings, they consider them.
Respecting and adhering to your personal boundaries is a big part of that.
3) He puts in consistent effort
Note the word consistent in that sentence, it’s significant.
Because most of the time whenever we’re left questioning a guy’s intentions and emotions towards us, it’s because this part is missing.
He’s super keen one moment and acts like a regular Prince Charming. Sadly, it never seems to last.
Because at other times he is nowhere to be seen. Ultimately he blows hot and cold so you never quite know where you stand.
Nothing can be built without consistency. That’s why flaky dudes are often fickle in their affections.
Professor Bruce Y. Lee M.D. reminds us of the importance of this underrated quality.
“You may not find the word “consistent” on that many Tinder or LinkedIn profiles. You may not hear many fans oggling a celebrity exclaiming, “Oh, she’s so darn consistent” or “Wow, his consistency is just so hot.” The word “consistent” may not equate to “sexy” in many people’s eyes and may seem more like something to describe a bowl of soup.
“But it should actually be one of the biggest things to look for when you are considering someone as a leader, a collaborator, a friend, or a significant other.”
At the end of the day, consistency in effort is what allows feelings to grow and deepen. It also leads to the next thing on our list.
4) He makes you feel safe
We can tell a lot about how a guy feels about us by how he makes us feel when we’re around him.
I’m not talking about those butterflies, I’m referring to something far more grounding.
If he makes you feel secure it’s a sign of trust and intimacy in the relationship.
That means he has been showing up for you.
Because you don’t have to second guess if he’s genuinely into you or not, you can relax.
This frees you up to be vulnerable and expose yourself, which is vital when it comes to getting even closer.
With that in mind, let’s look at our next sign…
5) He shares his honest thoughts and feelings with you
This isn’t just a great sign of the depth of his feelings for you. It also shows you that he is emotionally available.
And that’s going to be a very important factor going forward in any relationship.
If you are his confidant and the first person he turns to, it’s a testament to your status in his life, and in his heart.
It’s not easy to open up, which is why it highlights the bond you have.
As Emma Seppälä Ph.D. points out in Psychology Today:
“Research shows that the quality which makes a relationship last is its degree of affection—and affection implies vulnerability. It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Although we may try to run from vulnerability, it is an inevitable part of social relationships.”
6) He isn’t selfish and is prepared to put you first
He just wants you to be happy.
When you’re not, he’s not fully happy either.
This guides his approach to your entire relationship.
Rather than focus on solely getting his own needs and wants met, he cares about yours just as much.
You’re a clear priority in his life, and he includes you in his important decisions — and certainly when they will affect you.
I’m not suggesting he only lives to please you. Of course, he is his own man and it’s perfectly natural to factor in his own wellbeing.
But on plenty of occasions, he certainly will sacrifice his own preferences in order to accommodate yours.
7) He wants to move past conflicts when they arise
Perhaps you’ve experienced this before:
You meet a guy and all seems great.
You have a lot of fun together, the sparks are flying and you seem to have a lot in common.
So far so good.
Things seem to be going well for a while. But them, bam, out of nowhere you have your first lovers tiff.
Chances are it’s nothing major. It should just be a slight bump in the road, yet it manages to completely throw you off track.
It’s then that you realize he was a completely fair-weather type of guy.
It’s all fine whilst everything is perfect. But as soon as it’s not, he does a runner.
Some of it is probably to do with whether he was ready for a real relationship. But another part of it comes down to the strength of his feelings for you.
When we’re really invested we have more of an incentive to stick around and overcome obstacles.
Because he cares about you, healthy conflict resolution is his main aim when things go wrong.
8) He shows it through his own love language
Here’s an important thing to remember:
All guys are different and so they all show their feelings in a unique way.
What comes as second nature to one man may feel awkward and strained to another.
That’s why digging deeper into his love language can give you greater psychological insight into his feelings.
It’s about tuning into the way he likes to express and receive love.
He may prefer to show his feelings to you in one or more of the way following:
- Words of affirmation
This means he uses his words to show his affection. Giving compliments, talking about his feelings for you, using pet names, offering praise, sharing cute memes, and sending soppy texts.
- Quality time
He just loves being around you, and it shows. Wanting to hang out with you, do fun stuff, share interests, explore hobbies together, go to new places, and try new things.
- Physical touch
This includes all sorts of physical affection and touch. Some of these may be sexual, but they will also include things like holding hands, snuggling on the couch, giving big hugs, and offering PDAs.
- Acts of service
He shows up for you in a whole host of practical ways. He helps you with your chores. He comes to your aid when you get a flat tire. He volunteers to run an errand to lighten your load. It’s all about doing kind things that make you feel supported.
- Gifts
Some men like to make a woman feel special by offering up presents. They don’t necessarily have to be flashy, as the saying goes, it’s the thought that counts. By taking the time to think of you and get you a little something, he is trying to let you know how valuable you are to him.
Final thoughts: He makes you feel good about yourself
I’m a big believer that our own happiness in life is down to us.
But it’s also very true that quality relationships factor heavily into that. In fact, studies have proved it.
All romance brings with it both ups and downs. But ultimately there should be way more good times than bad.
That’s why our final sign that he cares deeply about you, is simply that it feels good!
