7 signs a couple will never break up, according to psychology

Look, I’m no seer. Let’s get that out of the way first.

If you clicked on this article thinking I would tell you whether you and your partner are destined to stay together for the rest of your lives (and all the ones that follow), brace yourself for a sore disappointment.

What I am, however, is a writer who’s deeply interested in the psychology of relationships and human well-being. And I’ve got some facts you might like to hear.

I can’t promise you that you’ll never break up.

But I can share the 7 signs that the odds of your staying together are pretty high.

Ready?

Here they are…

1) You approach problems as a team

No matter how amazing a couple you are, there will inevitably come a time when you encounter an obstacle.

Relationship challenges range from petty disputes about the tone of someone’s voice to serious issues such as insecure attachment styles, but whatever the level of severity, it’s important that you know how to handle issues in an emotionally mature and respectful way.

Why?

Because, according to psychology, breakups and divorces are often a result of a poor approach to problems.

I repeat: it’s about the approach to the problems rather than the problems themselves.

“Common culprits are avoiding conflict, not controlling emotions, and not circling back to resolve an issue,” says therapist Robert Taibbi L.C.S.W. He adds, “It’s vital to take the risk of approaching issues, using emotions as information, and work together as a team.”

A huge sign you won’t break up is that you treat every obstacle as something you can overcome as long as you work together and treat each other with respect.

In other words, when sh*t hits the fan, you don’t automatically go into we-are-screwed mode. On the contrary, both of you immediately try to find a solution that allows both of you to feel heard, loved, and not alone.

2) You follow through on your promises – even when it’s inconvenient or hard

Approaching problems as a team is but the first step. Once you’ve communicated everything, it’s time to implement the solutions you’ve agreed upon.

Unfortunately, this is where many couples stumble and fall. They may try to incorporate new habits into their daily life or adjust their behavior to show their partner they’re actively trying to change, but one week or two months later, they find themselves in the exact same rut as before.

Again, the same conversation about the same old stuff.

And again.

And once more.

Until one day, you realize that the reason the same issues keep popping up isn’t that you don’t communicate about them – it’s that one or both partners aren’t willing or find it incredibly difficult to fix them in the long run.

And that’s when the relationship breaks apart. Because there is only so much empty promises can do.

The truth is that reliability is an extremely important aspect of a healthy long-term relationship. As Theresa E. DiDonato Ph.D. says, “It turns out that love tends to follow from steadiness, not uncertainty; from consistency, not unpredictability.”

Can you count on each other to implement the changes you’ve agreed upon? And more broadly, can you rely on one another to have each other’s back?

Be honest.

3) You almost never get tired of each other’s company

If you spend too long in someone’s company, you might get a bit fed up.

That’s why the word “almost” is key.

Overall, though, your partner ought to be someone with whom you can go on a holiday and enjoy the hell out of it.

You should feel comfortable being one another’s main form of entertainment for days. You should create amazing memories on dates and have fun conversations that are intellectually stimulating and socially fulfilling.

If this sounds so obvious you don’t understand why I had to make it into an actual point, congratulations! It’s another sign you might stay together for a very long time.

If my words made you feel a bit uncomfortable, though…

That’s your alarm bells ringing. At this very moment, you might be realizing that all you and your partner do is watch TV; you might think of the last date you went on when you had nothing much to say to each other; you might think of how much more fulfilling your meetups with friends are.

I’ve been there. I know how it feels.

And ever since then, I’ve set my standards thus: if a man wouldn’t be my close friend if sexual attraction was out of the equation, it means the relationship isn’t going to work.

Your sense of friendship is the most important thing here. Sexual drive lessens in intensity as we grow older, but friendship… it only grows in strength.

4) You have a similar sex drive

 Yes, friendship is crucial. But that doesn’t mean your sex drive doesn’t matter at all.

In fact, psychologist Ari Tuckman, PsyD, CST, says that “couples where both partners initiate sex about equally tend to be happier than those couples where one partner does most of the initiating.”

He continues, “The bigger the desire discrepancy, the harder it is to come up with a mutually satisfying solution. This is especially true when it has been a longstanding difference, rather than a temporary or transient situation.”

Sex is a vital part of most romantic relationships, and for a good reason – it releases feel-good bonding hormones that make us feel closer to each other and foster a sense of intimacy. What’s more, it opens us up to vulnerability and helps us connect not only on a physical but also emotional level.

It’s also where a lot of general relationship issues often come to light. For example, a lack of passion or interest in your partner can easily manifest in the bedroom, pointing out that something’s wrong beneath the surface.

If you and your partner have a similar sex drive and place the same amount of importance on your sex life, it’s yet another sign your relationship may stand the test of time.

5) You have an inherent sense of respect and empathy for each other

Couple talking 2 7 signs a couple will never break up, according to psychology

“It’s a near-truism that healthy relationships are based on mutual respect,” writes Berit Brogaard D.M.Sci., Ph.D. She says that it is precisely respect that prevents relationships from turning toxic.

Furthermore, Brogaard splits respect into multiple different categories, all of which are important in a romantic relationship:

  • Kantian respect (inherent respect for all humans)
  • Deep admiration (respect for your partner’s admirable qualities)
  • Politeness or civility (respectful communication)
  • Apprehensive respect (respect as prudence and self-preservation)

If you don’t respect your partner’s autonomy, accomplishment or qualities, and if you don’t communicate in a kind and assertive manner, the very foundation of the relationship is shaky.

A lack of respect may lead to resentment, aggression, or even less empathy.

So, here are a few questions for you:

  • Do you take each other’s concerns seriously?
  • Do you practice active listening and validate one another’s feelings?
  • Do you respect each other’s boundaries and treat each other with kindness first and foremost?

If your answer is yes, you know what it means.

Yep, your chances of staying together have increased once again.

6) You both feel loved and cherished

Just because someone loves you doesn’t mean that you feel loved by them.

I had to learn this the hard way.

The manner in which you prefer to be shown love is very individual, and your partner – the one person who is meant to offer love, emotional support, and consolation – should absolutely know how to do exactly that.

This isn’t to say they’ve got to be a mind reader. We’re all a bit confused in the early stages of dating.

If you communicate your preferred love language or point out a certain action they’ve done that made you feel amazing, though, it is their job to remember it and keep putting in effort – even months or years down the line.

Your love should be celebrated.

And the same applies the other way around.

“Feeling appreciated by one’s partner is like ‘glue’ that can help keep a relationship together during tough times,” writes Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D. “People who experience a sense of appreciation from their partners are better able to navigate conflict and financial stressors.”

The more cherished and appreciated you both feel, the more likely you are to overcome all obstacles together.

7) You understand what people mean when they say that “when you know you know”

Will there come a time when you have doubts?

Possibly.

Will your attachment issues get triggered at some point and will you have to work really hard to ensure your relationship thrives?

Probably.

But when it comes down to it, you absolutely understand the saying “When you know you know.”

Because overall, you don’t wonder whether the grass is greener elsewhere. You don’t look at couples online and wish you had what they have. You don’t constantly prod your relationship for issues because something just doesn’t feel right.

On the contrary, you can’t imagine walking through life with anyone else but your partner by your side.

That’s the final sign right there.

You just know.

Picture of Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang

Mia Zhang blends Eastern and Western perspectives in her approach to self-improvement. Her writing explores the intersection of cultural identity and personal growth. Mia encourages readers to embrace their unique backgrounds as a source of strength and inspiration in their life journeys.

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