She’s not ready for a relationship? 10 things you can do

You’ve been dating the girl of your dreams now for a while and you’re finally getting to a place where you’re ready to progress from being just friends, but suddenly, she seems to be backing off. 

When one of my guy friends asked me if I knew what he should do about this situation I realized I knew my answer would be controversial, but the more I thought about it the more I realized how true it was.

Here are 10 things you can do to help her be more open for a relationship:

1) Be the best friend you can be

The best thing you can do for her at this point is to be a great friend.

Somewhere along the way, many guys forget about being friends with the woman in their lives. 

I’m not going to sit here and say that you need to be best friends with your woman, but what about a good friend?

If she needs someone to talk to, then be there for her and be a shoulder for her to cry on (as long as she doesn’t go into too much detail!).

If you’ve been dating her for a while and are beginning to think that she might be losing interest in you, then show her that you’re always willing to lend an ear and won’t judge her or tell anyone else what she’s told you.

Be there for her when she needs someone to talk to; don’t try to make her kiss you or touch you in any way if she’s not ready; just be the great friend that she knows she can count on.

It will be one of the most rewarding things in the long run.

2) Don’t just talk about your feelings, actually listen to hers

This is one of the biggest mistakes that guys make. They get wrapped up in their own feelings and forget to listen to hers.

Guys tend to think that girls only want a guy who makes them happy and will do anything for them, but the truth is that a lot of girls want someone who can help them become the best person they can be.

If you’re one of those people who has been talking about your feelings just to make her feel bad or upset, then that’s not cool. 

I’m sure that if she feels something for you it will come out in conversation, but you can’t force it out of her. It’s important to listen to what she says because she knows what she means better than you do. 

Don’t try to say something and tell her how you feel if the two of you aren’t having the same conversation.

It may be a good idea to go have a heart-to-heart with her and actually try listening to what she’s feeling before telling her how you feel about the situation.

3) Stop texting her so often and allow some distance to happen naturally

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I remember reading a book called “He’s Just Not That Into You” and one of the main points in it is to not beg someone to love you.

They have their own life, their own things that they’re dealing with and don’t need you hanging on them all the time texting and calling them at every single moment. You need to stop that immediately.

I don’t know how many times a day I get text messages from guy friends saying things like, “Hey girl! Do you want 2 hang out today? I’m bored!”, or “Oh my God! I just saw you walk by – what are you doing now? Wanna come over later?”, etc.

One of the most important things to realize is that you’re in a place of potential danger. 

Don’t start dating someone until you’re sure that you want to date them. 

If she texts you but doesn’t want to spend time with you, just understand it could just be because of how busy she is. 

She may have a lot going on right now and simply wants to save some time for other things like sleeping, doing her homework, etc. If she really wants to see you, then she’ll make the effort.

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t call her up and invite her over for a night of Netflix or whatever it is the two of you like to do together. What I am saying is that if she says no, then let her have time to herself and don’t try to rush it.

4) Continue to pursue your passions and build new skills

In my opinion, one of the most important things you can do at any stage in a relationship is to pursue your passions and build new skills.

If she’s on the fence about whether or not she wants to see you again then she may be concentrating more on herself than she is on you and may need some space to figure out what she really wants from her life.

If you’re one of those guys who are so focused on the girl that you don’t know what to do with yourself in your free time, then that may be why none of the girls have resisted your advances for so long.

Now, you don’t have to go out and start climbing mountains or learning a new language because she’s not giving you the time of day. 

I just mean that it may be a good idea to go out with the guys or start working at building some skills if you haven’t gotten around to doing it yet.

I’m sure that many of my guy friends reading this will accuse me of encouraging all guys to “play games” and make girls chase after them. 

I’m not saying, “Go ahead and lead her on for as long as possible, don’t pursue your dreams, don’t build new skills, focus all of your energy on her.” Quite the opposite.

5) Make her feel beautiful and show her that you like everything about her

I know this might seem like the most obvious advice I could ever give, but if you’ve been chasing after a girl for a long time and she doesn’t seem to be interested then it may be because you’re focusing too much on how you feel about her and not enough on how she feels about herself.

I’ve said it many times before – most women are looking for someone who will make them feel beautiful, appreciated, and loved.

By not focusing enough on making her feel that way and instead trying to convince her that you like everything about her then you might just end up pushing her away from you. 

You will never be able to convince someone to be with you if they don’t even believe it themselves.

They’re such obvious things but unfortunately, quite a few men can understand.

Why can I give advice regarding gender differences in relationships?

To be honest, I also had problems in my relationship 2 years ago. 

At that time, I tried to seek professional help.

Relationship Hero is the best resource I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talk. They gave helpful advice and really suited my situation at the time.

They’re not just the general advice we see out there. Instead, it is a thorough understanding of the situation and the starting point of emotions.

So thanks to that, I was able to make the right decisions for myself.

I know you came to this article because you are looking for help yourself. Click here to check them out if you are interested in what I just shared.

6) If she talks to other guys then let her have that space

If your girl talks to other guys, then just accept it. She is likely doing so because she feels that she will be more attracted to someone else.

Don’t you dare try to change the way she sees herself because of what you think about her? 

I have a lot of friends who are so jealous that their crush is texting other guys when they’re on break, but I tell them all the time, “She has every right to talk and text whoever she wants.”

This does not mean that you should stand by and let her go out with other guys. Girls love to see guys who are patient and understanding.

It simply means that if she talks to other guys, then let her have space, but don’t give up too soon.

She’s talking to other guys because she may be ready to have a new friend in her life; it doesn’t mean you didn’t do enough.

In fact, if you’re doing all the right things for her and she still isn’t acting like she cares about you then maybe that’s a sign that something else is going on.

7) Let her know that she can text you when she wants to and that you’ll wait for it

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I know I’ve said this before, but if you want a girl to like you then be patient and let her see you as the type of person she can depend on. If she wants to text you but is busy or doesn’t feel like it, then don’t bug her about it like a dog looking for attention.

Let her have that space.

One thing I would like to point out is that you should never give up on a woman completely because there is almost always more to the story than what you see happening in front of your eyes at any one time.

There are so many factors that go into how a woman thinks and feels – one thing rarely has anything to do with another, at least not the way you think it does.

Sometimes things that look like they’re not going to work out at the time will end up working out in the long run. If you get this point then you’ll be one step ahead of most guys.

8) Show her what she’s missing out on by holding back

If she’s holding back from calling you or returning your texts, then show her what she’s missing out on.

If she knows that you’re interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but she’s not interested in doing the same thing then it might be a good idea to let her know how much time and energy she’s wasting.

This will make her upset at first, but it is for her own good. Sometimes letting someone know how much time they’re wasting on something can be the best way to get their attention, especially if they’re on the fence about something.

Don’t be overly aggressive about it, but show her that if she starts a relationship with you then the two of you can have a lot of fun together. 

Let her see the good times through your eyes and let her know that it would be nice if she could share them with you.

9) Take care of yourself and work on your own happiness

I know that this might not seem like something that you should do in order to try to get a girl back, but it is something that is important.

If you think about the last time you saw her and what she was saying, then chances are pretty good she made some sort of reference to how you weren’t treating yourself

If I’m being completely honest then I have to say that I kind of agree with her here.

If a girl tells me that she has been talking to a guy for a long time, but he hasn’t gotten rid of the facial hair or gained the muscle mass he wanted, then it’s easy for me to see why she would lose interest.

If you want to get a girl back, then you have to have confidence in yourself. Sure, you might not always feel like the most confident person in the world, but do what you can. 

You will never be able to achieve your goals if you don’t take action on them and that applies to getting a girl back as much as it does anything else.

10) Do some soul-searching and figure out what it is that you want from a relationship

There’s a very good chance that if she’s not texting or calling you back that she’s just not that interested in you as more than just a friend. 

This isn’t necessarily because there’s anything wrong with you, but it may be because she isn’t looking for what you’re looking for out of the relationship. 

If she knows that the two of you are right for each other, then she’ll make herself available to you and will come running back to the relationship with open arms once she realizes all the time that she spent without it.

Don’t take it personally and understand that women are biologically wired differently than men

They’re not going to act like guys, no matter what you do.

Sometimes it’s best to just accept that as fact and move on with your life. If you choose not to, then you could be in for a very long period of time trying to get the girl back that you really wanted. 

If there is one thing that I have learned in my life so far, it’s that you have to accept things for the way they are before you can move on with them and live your life in a positive way. 

If she lost interest, then it’s not because of anything that YOU did so don’t take it personally, and don’t try anything weird like stalking her or anything like that.

Most importantly, just accept that the relationship is over and that you’re going to be okay. 

It doesn’t sound like something that I would say because I’m all about persistence, but there are times when it’s best to cut your losses and enjoy the rest of your life. 

Just remember what it was like getting into a relationship with her in the first place. 

Maybe you did a good job then or maybe she wasn’t the right girl for you anyway. 

And as I mentioned above, if you need a certified relationship coach’s advice, don’t forget to try Relationship Hero

Be yourself and live life

I know that it sounds stupid, but so many people do things that are completely against their morals and beliefs in order for others to see them or for their own satisfaction. 

Doing so is likely to open up things that you never thought were possible and I’m sure you’ll be glad that you didn’t spend all your time trying to apologize for something that wasn’t your fault in the first place. 

One of the ways that you can get yourself out of this is to learn how to be happy on your own. 

You need self-confidence in order to do this because if you don’t have it, then no one else will.

No matter what you choose to do, just try to look at the situation for what it really is. 

Sometimes you can’t get someone back and sometimes you can.

So, what do you think? 


No matter how bad you might want to be with a girl, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. 

The good news is that even though you may feel like you’re stuck trying to get the girl back, there is always something else out there for you. 

I know it doesn’t seem like it, but that’s why I keep saying that persistence is overrated. instead of being so quick to try anything and everything in the hopes of getting her back, try doing something for yourself and your own happiness first. 

Maybe if you do that then she won’t feel as bad about moving on to someone who will actually be able to make her happy.

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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