Let’s get this out first.
I know you might say that relationship anxiety is not the most dangerous problem.
So what if you have relationship anxiety?
I mean it’s just basically being insecure because of your past experiences.
You are afraid of many different things because you think that your partnership is being threatened.
Relationship anxiety is way better than cheating, right?
Well, the answer is no.
Remember the quote “A small leak will sink a great ship“? It can still damage your relationship and yourself.
Yep, that’s what’s going to happen.
This is why it must be identified as early as possible. Sometimes it’s better to identify the signs than to take a break in the relationship.
So, here are 18 warning signs you have relationship anxiety:
1. You are not present
Anxiety makes someone present physically, but absent emotionally and mentally. In short, it’s the sense of being “checked out” or not fully present in your daily life.
It sucks because it becomes difficult for you to feel truly connected. More often than not, the lack of connection will result in arguments and fights.
Of course, it doesn’t feel good to be neglected. So how do you deal with it?
If you have relationship anxiety, try to make a conscious effort to remain present whenever you’re together. Do not let your mind wander off to negative things that you think will happen.
2. You have trust issues
Anxiety is the fear of losing control. When you are anxious, you tell yourself that you must be in control of your life.
You can’t help but think your life is spinning out of control. This particular thinking demands control of all circumstances, which can lead to trust issues in your relationship.
An anxious partner is more jealous and insecure. If you’re anxious, you will catch yourself demanding to know who your partner is calling, texting, or meeting throughout the day.
Because of your insecurity, you might call or text your partner too frequently, which results in an invasion of his/her privacy.
This habit can impact your relationship in a negative way. Worse, it can cause your partner to second guess things.
Try to look for ways to control your anxious feelings and thoughts before it becomes too overwhelming for your partner to deal with.
3. You are controlling
As mentioned in number 2, people with relationship anxiety frequently cope by trying to control their lives and the lives of their partners. You will come off as manipulative, and no one likes manipulative people.
While manipulating your partner is obviously not your goal, it can still be difficult for you both to deal with. You can go to therapy or learn healthier ways to soothe yourself.
4. You overthink everything
People with relationship anxiety tend to overthink everything. Overthinking can impact how comfortable you feel when it comes to opening up to your partner.
You may be concerned about the consequences of what you say but honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships. If there’s one person you should be honest with, it’s definitely your partner.
Overcoming overthinking can take some time and a lot of trust. Try to stop editing yourself. It may be difficult at first, but a supportive partner will understand.
5. You take things super personally
Anxious people easily jump to conclusions, assume the worst, and take things personally as a result.
There are really some days that your partner will need alone time. If they are being distant, do not take it personally.
Instead, you can try to have a conversation and figure out what is going on. Maybe your partner is experiencing work stress, physical illness, or depression.
A therapist can help you to look for these outside explanations first before jumping to conclusions and picking fights with your partner.
6. You get stuck in old patterns
For a relationship to remain healthy, the partners involved must grow together. However, change is incredibly difficult for someone with anxiety.
If you have relationship anxiety, you hold back from trying new things, taking healthy risks, and letting go. These things make the relationship stagnant – it needs a spark to ignite a fire.
If this is you, try doing new things with your partner. Do not control the circumstances and outcomes – just enjoy and let go.
7. You expect your partner to fix your anxiety
Yes, your partner must be made aware of your relationship anxiety. But, do not put pressure on them to cure it.
Do not expect your partner to constantly provide reassurance every time your anxiety shows. Doing so will make them responsible for your anxiety and it’s also unfair for them.
In fact, it’s impossible for your partner to cure your anxiety. That’s up to you.
You can cope with anxiety in a healthy way by taking great care of yourself, adopting a few soothing hobbies like yoga or meditation, seeing a therapist, or even taking medication.
If it’s your partner with anxiety, check out our article on loving someone with anxiety.
8. You respond in a passive-aggressive way
Anxiety can lead to feelings of irritability. When you are irritable, you might find yourself lashing out at your partner or responding to them in passive aggressive ways.
Are you fond of giving your partner the silent treatment when you’re angry? Do you give subtle insults? Are you stubborn especially when you’re mad but you don’t want to talk about what made you angry?
Those are the signs of passive-aggressive behavior. You can improve by knowing that it is okay to express your anger and frustrations but in a calm manner.
9. You are venting to an unhealthy degree
One sign that you are not coping with your relationship anxiety in a healthy way is venting a lot. Yes, it’s okay to let off some steam, but too much is toxic.
I understand how you want to be heard right then and there because you feel overwhelmed. However, listening to all the rants can make your partner lose interest with our monologue.
There are so many other ways to express your frustrations other than venting. You can try going to the gym, take up running, call a friend, or leave it all with a therapist.
For sure, your partner will appreciate it.
10. You doubt the relationship
Anxious people doubt a lot. They have negative self-talk, which can cause them not to believe that they are loved.
(Worried your partner is having an emotional affair? Check out the 10 key signs to look out for.)
Constantly doubting your partner’s commitment and love for you can take a toll on your relationship. In turn, this doubt will frustrate your partner and might even cause them to give up.
11. You get super angry
Most people with relationship anxiety get irritated even if it’s just about little things. Sad to say, this can easily snowball into anger.
There are so many healthier ways to express anger and prevent them from happening in the first place. You can try therapy and lifestyle changes for your peace of mind.
12. You catastrophize small problems
If you have anxiety, you make a mountain out of a molehill. Most of the time, you have meltdowns over small things that wouldn’t normally bother you.
Your habit of blowing things up to mean more than they really are can be frustrating for your partner. This can be treated with mindfulness, meditation, and therapy.
13. You get jealous all the time
Too much jealousy make relationships fall apart. Maybe you dealt with cheaters in the past, but it’s unfair for your partner if you doubt he or she is cheating all the time.
It’s normal to be scared of being abandoned, betrayed or neglected. However, your present partner is not the same person who betrayed you.
14. You give mixed messages
Sometimes, people who suffer from relationship anxiety send mixed messages even to the person they love the most.
You might have experienced it too. One moment you are warm, the next moment you are distant. And most of the time, you don’t understand why.
Maybe, you have learned to flip/flop emotions because the same thing was done to you in the past.
Anxiety is the unnecessary worry about things before they even happen. When it comes to relationship anxiety, it means you have that constant dread that your partner will leave you.
For others, it is easy to say that anxiety can be treated easily. But the truth of the matter is that it often requires a lot of effort to fix it.
But by taking care of yourself – and seeing a therapist if needed, you can start to feel better.
And when you start believing in yourself, you can avoid relationship anxiety.