10 reasons she is pulling away (and what to do about it)

“She’s pulling away from me…and I don’t know why?”

Have you ever been in this situation?

You want to know why she is pulling away and what you can do to get her back, but you don’t quite know where to start. 

The reason why she’s pulling away isn’t always obvious or easily fixable (at least in your eyes), so here are 10 reasons she is pulling away (and what to do about it).

So keep reading for some answers.

1) She is still in love with her ex

This is the most common reason for this scenario and I will tell you that it’s 100% fixable. 

If a woman is still in love with her ex, what she does or does not do is all about her past. 

She’s still feeling the pain of being broken up with, so she’ll continue to allow herself to be hurt by the past.

I have had clients tell me that their ex is in a relationship with someone new, but they still find themselves “accidentally” hanging out with this ex. 

In these cases, I always tell my clients to stop seeing their ex. See her once or twice – if you need closure – and then move on completely. 

She might be moving on completely, too, so give her some breathing room and space to focus on herself. 

Once she’s over her ex and is ready to get involved in another relationship, she’ll come back to you.

2) You’ve been needy

It’s really easy to get needy and nervous when you’re in a healthy relationship with a girl you like. 

You’re excited, but also a little scared that she won’t feel the same way. 

Neediness shows that you are weak and it gives her power over your emotions. 

If she doesn’t feel the same way about you, this is exactly what will make her become tired and bored around you if you do this.

I know it’s a tough pill to swallow and I understand that you really like her, but you need to realize that she’s pulling away because of something other than your feelings.

You should work with this and overcome it if you want her to see you as a trustworthy man in a different light.

3) You’ve done something that icky or creepy to her …and she didn’t say anything at the time

I always tell people that it’s really smart to be nice and honorable to others, but also smart enough to know your audience. 

If you’re taking a girl out on a first date, don’t try anything overly sexual or even slightly creepy just because you think she’ll like it. 

The way I see it is this: If she doesn’t feel the same way about you, there isn’t much that can fix that right away. Take time to figure out what went wrong and what she’s looking for so you can make a stronger impression next time.

If you’ve done something that icky or creepy to her, the best thing to do is to apologize immediately. 

It’s not that hard to put things back in order, but it goes a long way if you can make up for it at the same time.

4) There’s someone else

This situation is really easy to fix if you want her back and are willing to do what it takes. 

If she hasn’t told you but you think this might be the case, you will have to find out. Be chill, keep a positive attitude and move on with your life.

Once she’s over the attention from this other person, she’ll come back to you for sure.

During that, try to work on one of the other reasons above and fix that. Once you are both ready, she will be back in your life.

5) She just wants to have fun

Women don’t want to have a relationship with a man who won’t challenge them in any way.

They also don’t want to be with someone who isn’t willing to show anything more than the surface around them. 

If you’re not meeting her emotional needs, she might decide that she’s better off having fun and leaving things at that. 

You have to be the kind of guy that gets her thinking about what’s next, not just what’s next for you. 

When I say this, I mean that you have to act like the pursuer and make her work for her relationship. 

She is not a prize. 

She has to be the one who goes after what she wants. 

But to do that, you must, however, make her believe that she may lose something of great value. 

Is it possible that he is a nice guy, or is it possible that he was the only person in the world with whom she shared a unique bond?

It is not always a wise idea to be a nice guy all the time.

When we are about to lose something, fear makes us want it excessively.

In case what I just said makes sense to you, check out this video to see how to make her more obsessed with you.

6) She has trust issues with guys in general …and you’re a part of that group (even if you’re not a bad guy)

I’ve watched many cases where the woman has trust issues with guys and generally isn’t willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. 

Ironically, this is the exact opposite of the reason I mentioned above.

Instead of looking for someone who makes her wonder what is next all the time, she’s more likely to get involved with another person who is “safe” because she knows they aren’t going anywhere besides into another casual relationship. 

The sad thing is that you aren’t a bad guy and you’re trying to go out of your way to make things right. 

There may have been a few times when you failed to make her feel insecure, besides the psychological problems she had before. Now, what is needed is communication.

7) You haven’t been showing her that you care

I know that some women really like it when men don’t show their feelings, but I’ve never seen a woman who was truly happy with that. 

There are many reasons for this, but I think the biggest reason is that most women want to feel loved and appreciated by the man in their life. 

If this is not happening, she might be more interested in seeing what else is out there. 

You have to show her that you care about her and you have to be able to express yourself so that she can see your emotions clearly. 

Gone are the days when women can guess if you care or not – they want to see it and feel it

8) She’s too busy with her life

Women don’t want to spend all their time with one guy if they have anything else that needs to be done. 

They also can’t be in a relationship just for the sake of having one. 

It happens with strong, independent girls. Dating might not be her priority right now, since she has so many other issues to deal with.

You have to show her that you’re someone worthwhile to spend time with. 

If you aren’t doing this, then you aren’t going to be interesting enough for her to continue investing her time in your relationship. 

9) She’s worried about what other people will think

I’ve seen a few cases where women are more worried about what their friends or family will think about them if they pursue their relationship with the man they like. 

They worry that their friends or family won’t approve of this person or that they will reject them for “staying” with him when things go wrong. 

For example, you have a bad reputation with some people and they find out from their relatives or friends. And these people often advise them to rethink their relationship with you.

This always comes out to one thing: “I don’t want to hurt my friends or family’s feelings.” 

If you’re not bonded enough, she might be reluctant to continue investing time, energy, and love into your relationship. 

You have to show her that you’re someone who would not do anything that would cause harm or hurt the people who mean the most to her. 

10) You’re not behaving like her “ideal” man

In some cases, women aren’t willing to continue things in a relationship because you don’t meet their ideal for a guy. 

Maybe you’re the very opposite of their ideal and she can’t imagine you as her life partner. 

Women are only human, so they have preferences just like us guys do. 

Women also have this idea that if they find a guy who meets most of these preferences (they might get picky when it comes to the ones that matter the most) – then she can’t help but want to be with him. 

Simple as that, right? 

But that’s not how it works at all. 

No one wants to be with someone they aren’t attracted to or that they don’t feel has the right personality. 

You can’t meet her emotional needs if she doesn’t feel attracted to you or doesn’t think you have a good enough personality for her.

pexels timur weber 8560851 1 10 reasons she is pulling away (and what to do about it)

What to do about it? 

I have good news. The best way to get her back is by taking action and making some changes on your part. 

If you want her back in your arms, then you need to understand what she really wants from you. 

You need to be the guy you’d want her to be with if this was a new relationship. 

In other words, you have to show her that you care about her and that you’re here for the long haul. 

Simply saying it isn’t enough. 

She doesn’t know how you feel unless she sees it with her own eyes. 

1) Be a man and not a boy

Women want to be with someone who is mature, responsible, and can take care of himself. 

In other words, they want to be with someone who is a man

They don’t want to spend all their time on their second child.

If you’re the type of guy who constantly needs help from others because he can’t do anything for himself – then she’ll see that as a bad thing. 

She knows that there are plenty of capable men out there who aren’t lazy and wouldn’t depend on her to solve everything for them. 

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t ask her for help, but you should be able to do things on your own at first. 

If you can’t, then there’s something wrong with you: either you’re not motivated enough or something else is going on. 

Either way, she’ll be more interested in someone who won’t make her his mother. 

2) Show her your heart – be honest

For women, it’s very important that you can say what you feel without being afraid of the reaction. 

If there’s something you feel strongly about, then express it.

This is another reason why women are so drawn to men who are artistic and creative. 

It’s because they can express themselves in a way that most men can’t. 

They paint their emotions and feelings on a sheet of paper or they sculpt something that represents their inner self.

Also, if there’s anything she does that makes you angry, annoyed, or frustrated – then let her know by explaining what the issue is and how she made you feel.

3) Don’t be a “nice guy”

Being kind and sweet is great and you shouldn’t stop doing that. If she’s not your girlfriend, then keep it to a minimum. 

But if you’re in a relationship where you’re trying to make her fall back in love with you – then don’t let her walk all over you. 

If she does something that makes you feel bad about yourself or that’s disrespectful, let her know how it made you feel. 

No matter what, always respect her as a person, but don’t let her mistreat you if she doesn’t respect herself enough to do the same for you.

And as I mentioned above, if you want to learn how to make your girl feel like you are a treasure that she needs to keep for herself, watch this excellent free video

4) Show her your romantic side

Being a romantic guy is a good thing, but not if you’re being too clingy. 

Let me explain. 

When it comes to relationships – especially new ones – then it’s fun to be as mushy and sweet as you can. It’s fun to get her all emotional and say things that she loves hearing. 

But if she’s already yours, then be romantic in a different way: make surprises for her, do something unexpected (but not creepy), and show her that you care about what she fantasizes about sexually or romantically. 

5) Give her compliments – and a smile!

Women love compliments. They thrive off of it! 

In fact, I remember a friend of mine who literally said: “If a man doesn’t make me feel special at least once every day – then I’ll break up with him.” 

The same goes for all women. When you’ve got someone you care about, then make sure that she feels loved and wanted all the time. 

You can do this by giving her a compliment whenever you get a chance, but also with your actions. If she does something good, then show it – don’t let it go unnoticed. 

6) Be ready for the “no”

I hate to bring up this idea because I know that it’s extremely depressing for many guys who are suffering from the loss of love. 

But here it is no means no. 

No matter how you try to persuade her if she doesn’t feel attracted to you anymore – then she won’t listen to what you have to say or what you’re doing to make her fall back in love with you. 

If you notice that she’s starting to drift away from you, then this is a good time to take action: be the guy you’d want her to be with if this were a new relationship. 

Try to do whatever it takes and if things still don’t turn out the way you want it to be, be ready to move on.

However, don’t turn into a coldhearted jerk in front of her. 

There are many cases where the other person regrets missing out on such a civilized man as you if you behave politely at the end of a relationship.


I believe that if you read this article, then you’re a man who’s been hurt by his lover, but still hopes to have her back. 

Or perhaps you’ve never been in this kind of situation, but are curious about it. 

Either way, I hope that now you know what to do and how to act when trying to get your girlfriend back. 

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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