Everyone knows breaking up isn’t easy.
But before you pull the plug on your relationship, there are questions you need to ask to make sure you’re making the right decision.
After all, this is so much more complicated than deciding what to have for lunch – this is a relationship with another person, one that you’ve been with for quite a bit of time.
You can never avoid pain, of course, but you can get the clarity you need in order to make the right decision.
So, if you want to learn the questions you need to ask before ending a relationship, read more below.
But before we begin, let me tell you this first: you’re not alone in this journey.
Thinking about this hurts, but know that I’ll be with you as we go along.
1) How do I feel about them?
The first question you should ask yourself when considering ending a relationship is:
“How do I feel about them?”
It might sound simple, but it’s a crucial starting point.
Do you still get excited when you see their name pop up on your phone?
Or have the butterflies turned to dust?
Are you proud to introduce them as your partner?
Or do you sometimes fantasize about being single when you see your single friends?
Remember, how you feel about them is one of the most important things to consider in a relationship.
If you look at them and you don’t feel anything anymore…
If your I love yous makes your stomach churn because deep down, you know you’ve stopped meaning it…
Then perhaps it’s time to break up.
2) How do they make me feel?
There’s only one thing that’s just as important as how you feel about your partner – how they make you feel.
It can be hard to differentiate between the two because there’s a very fine line distinguishing one from the other, so here’s a little guide:
How you feel about them: do you love them? Do you like having them around?
How they make you feel: Do they make you happy? Comfortable in your own skin?
Now that you know the difference, think about how they make you feel.
If you love them but they don’t make you feel good about yourself, that’s something to consider.
A healthy relationship should uplift and inspire you, not leave you feeling depleted.
Because ultimately, a partner who makes you feel good about yourself is the only one you can have a bright future with.
3) Do I see a future with them?
Let’s say you love them and they make you happy.
I’m not talking about today or tomorrow – I’m talking about the long haul.
Consider your goals, dreams, and aspirations – are they aligned with your partner’s?
If you find that your visions for the future are drifting apart, it’s worth thinking about whether your relationship is strong enough to survive these differences.
Because sometimes, love alone isn’t enough to sustain a partnership if each of the lives you dream of are too different.
On the other hand, if you share the same vision for your future, that’s a very good sign.
Because sharing a vision for the future is the strong foundation you need for a lasting relationship.
4) What do my friends think of them?
When it comes to love, we often tend to wear rose-colored lenses.
And when we put it on, all the red flags just look like flags.
You know who’s brave enough to take it off?
They’re the ones who can see your relationship objectively. So, it’s worth asking what they think about your partner.
Are they generally supportive and encouraging of your relationship, or have they expressed concerns or doubts?
While it’s essential to make decisions for yourself, taking your friends’ input into account can provide valuable insights.
Moreso, if your friends don’t get along with your SO, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate.
But if they like your partner almost as much as they like you, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Because that usually means they trust your partner enough to give you what you need.
5) Do they fulfill my needs?
In a relationship, it’s not selfish to ask, “Are my needs being met?”
So, consider what you require from a partner – emotional support, communication, trust, intimacy, respect, and so on.
Take a close look at your relationship and assess whether your partner is meeting these needs.
Are you getting the love and attention you desire, or do you constantly feel neglected and unimportant?
Are you able to communicate openly and honestly, or do you feel like your voice goes unheard?
Remember, a healthy relationship should be a two-way street where both partners’ needs are considered and met.
Because often, when we’re in a relationship, we focus too much on our partner that we forget to take care of ourselves, too.
So, if you find that your needs are consistently unfulfilled, it’s a sign that something might need to change or that you may be better off without this relationship.
And one good way to tell if your needs are being met is if your partner truly listens to you.
6) Do they listen to me?
Communication is an important part of any relationship – but you probably already know that.
However, it’s easier said than done, because when we’re in love, we’re too blinded by our feelings to see reality.
Your partner could behave badly and you would never notice because you’re too busy making excuses for their actions.
They could shut you out every time you talk to them, and you would think it’s perfectly fine because it’s better to have someone who doesn’t listen than to have no one at all.
But feeling heard and understood is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship.
Because if you constantly feel like your voice doesn’t matter, it can only lead to frustration and resentment.
So, if your partner doesn’t listen to you and constantly makes you feel alone (especially when you argue), it’s time to consider if this relationship is worth staying for.
7) Do they support me?
For a relationship to work, you need to have each other’s backs, no matter what.
So, if you’re wondering whether or not to end a relationship, think about the times when you’ve needed support.
Did they lend a listening ear when you had a bad day at work?
Did they comfort you when you were down?
Did they support you when you chose a different career path?
Because a supportive partner will always be there for you.
They won’t judge your choices, nor would they question your decisions, no matter how unconventional it may seem.
So, if you find yourself struggling on your own;
Questioning your decisions because your own partner didn’t believe in you;
It’s high time for you to decide whether you should stay or you should go.
Because once you know the answer, you won’t regret the decision.
8) Am I going to regret this?
When you’re making a big decision, it’s normal to get cold feet.
To ask: What if I regret this?
So, when this happens, you need to think about the long-term consequences.
Will you look back years from now and wish you’d given it another chance?
Or will you regret not ending things sooner to find your own path?
If you’re convinced that this relationship is no longer right for you and staying would only lead to more unhappiness, then ending it might be the best choice.
On the other hand, if you’re unsure, it might be worth seeking counseling or talking through your concerns with your partner before making a final decision.
The key is to make a choice you can live with, whether that’s moving forward together or apart.
But the most important thing to ask – to avoid any regrets – is if you still love each other.
9) Do we still love each other?
Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a choice, an action, and a commitment.
So if your relationship ticks all three boxes, it’s worth staying.
But on the other hand, if your love has been replaced by resentment, indifference, or even hostility, it’s time to face the reality that you need to part ways.
Ending a relationship is a big decision – one that should never be taken lightly.
Ultimately, it’s your happiness and well-being that matter most.
Whether you choose to stay together or part ways, make the decision that feels right for you.
But if you choose to end things, know that it’s not only an ending – it’s a new beginning that opens up a path toward a newer, brighter future.
A future where you can grow, thrive, and find the love and happiness you deserve.