8 questions to ask if you want to know someone’s true character, according to psychologists

When you’ve been hurt before, it’s only natural to become wary of people’s true intentions.

You want to trust, but past experiences make you question whether you’re really seeing someone’s true character or just the version they choose to show.

But what if I told you there are specific ways to uncover someone’s true self, backed by psychology?

It’s all about asking the right questions that get to the core of their personality.

In this article, we’ll explore eight insightful questions that psychologists say can help you uncover a person’s true character.

These questions will give you the clarity you need to navigate your relationships with more confidence and peace of mind.

1) “What’s your most memorable mistake and what did you learn from it?”

This question might seem a little out of left field, but it’s a psychological gem for understanding character. It’s not just about what mistake they share, but how they perceive and handle their mistakes.

Are they open and honest about their past errors, or do they avoid the question or blame others?

Do they show growth and learning from their experiences, or do they wallow in self-pity?

This question lets you peek into their self-awareness, accountability, and capacity to learn and grow.

Everyone makes mistakes. But how we react to them reveals a lot about our true character.

So listen carefully to their response and pay attention to the nuances in their story. These can be telling signs of their true character that you might not get from surface-level conversations.

2) “How do you treat people who can do nothing for you?”

This question may seem unrelated to knowing someone’s true character, but it’s quite revealing.

Character isn’t only about how someone treats their equals or superiors. It’s also about how they interact with those who are in a less privileged position.

Are they kind and respectful to all, regardless of their status? Or do they only show courtesy when they stand to gain something?

True character shines through when someone shows kindness without expecting anything in return. It’s about valuing every human interaction for what it is, not for what it can potentially offer.

So, this question might help you understand if the person values empathy and respect as core principles.

3) “What do you do when you’re alone and nobody is watching?”

People often exhibit their truest selves when they are alone. When we’re not under the scrutiny of others, we let our guard down and behave in ways that reflect our innate character.

This question delves into what the person enjoys doing in their solitude.

Are they engaged in creative pursuits, self-improvement, or simple pleasures? Or are they indulging in habits that may be harmful or negative?

Their answer can reveal a lot about their interests, values, and even their self-discipline. 

Consistency in behavior, both in public and private, is a good indicator of authenticity and integrity. It can give you an understanding of their core character traits and help you know them better.

4) “Can you share a time when you helped someone in need?”

In life, we all come across situations where someone may need our help. How we react in such situations can say volumes about who we truly are.

This question nudges the person to share their experiences of helping others. Their response can give you insight into their capacity for empathy and compassion.

Was their assistance spontaneous and selfless? Or was it calculated and reluctant?

The way they recount their experience can reveal their attitude towards kindness and generosity.

The size of the act doesn’t matter as much as the intent behind it. Even small gestures of kindness can signify a big heart.

So, listen not just for what they did, but for how they felt about doing it. It gives a peek into their ability to empathize with others, which is a crucial aspect of character.

5) “What’s something you’ve changed your mind about recently?”

We all have beliefs and opinions that shape our world view. But as we go through life, we learn, grow and often our perspectives shift.

This question invites the person to share a recent change in their thinking. It might be about a social issue, a personal habit, or even a favorite food.

Their answer can shed light on their openness to new ideas and experiences. It can also reveal their ability to self-reflect and adapt when presented with new information.

Changing one’s mind isn’t a sign of weakness, but of growth. It shows that the person is not rigidly attached to their beliefs and is willing to re-evaluate when necessary.

This cognitive flexibility is an important character trait that indicates maturity and wisdom.

6) “What’s the best advice you’ve ever received and how did it impact your life?”

Everyone encounters pearls of wisdom at different stages of life. Some advice sticks with us and helps shape our character and life decisions.

For instance, I once met a person who shared that the best advice they ever received was “Don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions”.

This advice had a profound impact on them, helping them navigate through difficult times without making rash decisions.

This question allows the person to share such impactful advice and how it influenced their journey. It offers a glimpse into their values, beliefs, and their approach to dealing with life’s challenges.

7) “What are your non-negotiables in life?”

We all have certain principles or values that we’re unwilling to compromise on, no matter what. These personal values play a vital role in defining our character and guiding our actions.

This question probes into what those non-negotiables might be. It could be honesty, respect, hard work, or even specific lifestyle choices.

Their response will give you an idea of their core values and what they hold sacred. But be cautious if their non-negotiables are rigid to the point of intolerance or if they lack basic ethical values.

It’s important to have principles, but it’s equally important to respect the views and values of others.

So, their answer can tell you a lot about whether they have a balanced, respectful approach to life or if they lean towards extremism or self-centeredness.

8) “How do you handle criticism and failure?”

Life is full of ups and downs. We all face criticism and failure at some point or another. But how we deal with these challenges is a true test of our character.

This question delves into their coping mechanisms.

Do they see criticism as an opportunity for growth, or do they take it personally?

Do they bounce back from failure with resilience, or do they crumble under its weight?

Their answer will reveal their strength of character, resilience, and their ability to learn from life’s hard knocks.

The most important thing is not whether we fail or face criticism, but how we rise after the fall. The measure of true character lies in our ability to navigate life’s adversities with grace, humility and resilience.

Conclusion